I built a CLI that roasts me, lies to me, and tells me to go outside

Meet terminal-toys, a collection of useless terminal commands with maximum personality

Most developer tools are built to make you faster.

I built something to make the terminal more… emotionally unstable.

It started as a joke.

Then it became a CLI.

Now it’s something I open every day for absolutely no productive reason.

The idea

If you’ve ever used tools like:

• cowsay
• fortune
• cmatrix
• sl

You already know the truth:

They don’t help you ship anything.

But you still install them.

Because they have personality.

That’s the entire idea behind terminal-toys.

A collection of terminal commands that do almost nothing, but feel like something.

Installation

It’s one command:

npm install -g terminal-toys

That’s it.

Then you enter the chaos:

coinflip pizza burger
oracle "should I quit?"
touchgrass
scream
procrastinator
git-roast

What it actually does

Each command is intentionally simple.

But each one tries to feel like a moment, not a utility.

🪙 coinflip

Not just heads or tails.

It decides things you were already emotionally biased about.

coinflip pizza burger

Output

🍔 burger

You look disappointed.
You wanted pizza.

🌱 touchgrass

A passive-aggressive system monitor disguised as advice.

It looks at your terminal activity and gently judges you.

SCREEN TIME: 11h 42m
TERMINAL SESSIONS: 6
GIT COMMITS TODAY: 9

Recommendation:
Go outside.

😵 scream

Exactly what it sounds like.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

No context. No explanation. Just release.

🧾 git-roast

This one reads your git history and insults you.

It is always accurate.

If your commit messages are “fix bug”, it knows.

🧠 procrastinator

A productivity tool that helps you avoid productivity.

It generates a list of everything you’ll do instead of working:

1. Clean your entire filesystem
2. Reorganize your dotfiles
3. Watch “just one video”
4. Start learning a new framework

Why build something like this?

Because not every tool needs to be useful.

Some tools exist purely to:

• make you laugh
• make you screenshot your terminal
• make your developer friends ask “what is that?”

We already have serious tools.

We don’t have enough personality in the terminal.

The philosophy behind it

Most CLI tools optimize for:

• speed
• correctness
• efficiency

terminal-toys optimizes for:

• reaction
• humor
• shareability

If someone runs a command and immediately sends a screenshot to a friend, that’s success.

Try it

If you’re curious:

npm install -g terminal-toys

touchgrass

and decide for yourself if it’s useful.

Github link: https://github.com/WhatTheMahad/terminal-toys