Pros and Cons of Killing Myself: A Comprehensive List

Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash

A thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. Why don’t I just end it all? Throw in the towel, chuck it in the fuck it bucket, and just give up. Logically, the decision would be completely justifiable. Never mind the emotional side of the matter, it’s not in the least bit reliable. I need to look at the facts. First, the pros of giving myself an early expiration date. Then the cons of becoming past tense.

Pros:

• No more 5 o’clock traffic.
• I wouldn’t have to fight anymore.
• No more cleaning.
• I wouldn’t be a burden to anyone.
• I could haunt whoever I wanted to.
• My mom could focus on my siblings instead of me.
• There are no bills in the afterlife.
• My kids would be safe with the rich foster family they were with. They would never have to struggle or go without. They would go on to be successful without the dysfunction of their mother.

Cons:

• No more drinking coffee on the front porch in the crisp fall air
• The pain that I would cause my family. My mom would be heartbroken.
• No more laying on fresh clean sheets after shaving my legs in the shower.
• My kids growing up thinking I gave up on them.
• My future pets would miss me.
• I wouldn’t be able to give my kids the experiences that I never had growing up.
• I might not get along with the other ghosts there. What if they’re mean?
• I would never be able to hold my babies again.
• My future wife, US Women’s National Team star Megan Rapinoe, would miss me.
• I wouldn’t be able to watch my babies grow up.

Well, damn… That puts a damper on my resolve. The cons outweigh the pros by two bullet points. And I can’t logically choose to move forward with moving to the spirit realm when the facts don’t rule in favor of it. Maybe there are some arguments that support my early expiration that I missed.

Hmm.

Well, back to the drawing board, I suppose.