After Five Months I Have Gained Familiarity and Friendship, So Now I’m Living it up in Old Age

The social power of repeated encounters

Photo by Filip Rankovic Grobgaard on Unsplash

After five months at a senior living establishment, I find myself surrounded by far fewer strangers than when I first arrived.

Faces that once seemed anonymous now carry names, histories, and personalities. Conversations begin more easily. Social interactions require less effort.

There is a growing sense of comfort in the presence of others. This experience raises an interesting question: Why does familiarity so often lead to friendship?

Psychologists have recognized the power of proximity and repeated exposure in human relationships.

Proximity and Friendship

One of the most enduring findings in social psychology is that people tend to like those they encounter regularly. Familiarity breeds comfort. Comfort encourages interaction. Interaction creates the conditions under which friendship can emerge.

When we first encounter a stranger, uncertainty dominates the exchange. We know little about the person’s character, interests, values, or intentions. As a result, we proceed cautiously. But repeated encounters gradually reduce this uncertainty. The person becomes familiar. Familiarity lowers anxiety and makes future interactions easier.

The research literature is replete with studies demonstrating the positive impact of familiarity prior to friendship formation. (See references below.)

This process is especially evident in senior living communities. Residents frequently see one another in dining rooms, hallways, exercise classes, lectures, discussion groups, and social events. The same faces appear day after day.

What begins as recognition evolves into brief greetings. Greetings evolve into conversations. Conversations occasionally become friendships. ( I am impatient for this process to unfold; I have many more familiars to friends so far.)

Proximity and Opportunity

The process may appear almost accidental, but it follows a recognizable pattern. Proximity creates opportunity. Opportunity creates interaction. Interaction creates familiarity. Familiarity creates liking. Liking creates the possibility of friendship.

At Aging Village, this progression has practical consequences. New residents often experience a period of social uncertainty. I know I sure did. Most arrive knowing few people. The dining room can feel intimidating.

Social groups appear already established. Others are randomly organized.

Yet time itself becomes an ally. Each week increases exposure. Each encounter adds another thread to the patchwork of familiarity. Those formerly unknown become people whose presence you can now place, whose names begin to stick.

Repetition Leads the Way

What becomes a certainty is that friendship formation often depends less on dramatic personal revelations than on simple repetition. Seeing the same individuals repeatedly allows trust to develop gradually. Shared routines become social glue. Familiar faces become familiar companions.

There is a lesson here about patience. New residents sometimes worry that meaningful friendships should develop quickly. Social psychology suggests otherwise.

Friendship is often an incremental process. It grows through accumulation rather than sudden transformation. Small conversations, chance meetings, and repeated encounters frequently accomplish more than deliberate efforts to force connection.

Five months after arriving, I find that many former strangers have become acquaintances, and some acquaintances have become friends. The community itself has not changed.

What has changed is the degree of familiarity. The once unfamiliar has become known.

A Condition Favorable to Friendship

Perhaps this is one of the hidden strengths of senior living. By bringing people into close and repeated contact, communities create the conditions under which friendship can flourish.

Proximity alone does not guarantee friendship, but without proximity, many friendships would never begin.

In the end, friendship may not arise because we discover extraordinary people. It may arise when ordinary people cease to be strangers. Familiarity opens the door, and through that door friendship often enters.

Selected References

• Montoya, Horton, Vevea, Citkowicz, & Lauber (2017). A Re-examination of the Mere Exposure Effect: The Influence of Repeated Exposure on Recognition, Familiarity, and Liking. (PubMed)
• Faur & Laursen (2022). Classroom Seat Proximity Predicts Friendship Formation. (PMC)
• Baker (1983). The Friendship Process: A Developmental Model of Interpersonal Attraction. (Taylor & Francis Online)
• Van de Bun et al. (2020). Early Social Exposure and Later Affiliation Processes Within an Evolving Social Network. (ScienceDirect)

This story was written with the assistance of Al.