I Only Date Couples These Days

There are three pairs I’m currently seeing in rotation

ADOBE

For a bisexual woman, dating a MW couple is grail.

But the problem with threesomes is they’re awkward, I know! The first time is always a semi disaster that the three of you barely get through it and run fore the hills as soon as it’s mercifully over.

Most people don’t give the threesome another chance. But think about it, the first time you have sex with a singleton it’s usually not the best either. You guys aren’t comfortable with each other yet. Well, times that by two, no wonder everyone’s a little awkward in the first triad.

But if you three are willing to give it a second try, you will be happily surprised. Everybody calms down. And it becomes so awesome.

Here are the main reasons I’m only doing threesomes from now on:

1. Most single guys want a relationships after the sex.

With me anyway. I don’t mean to brag, but I mean to brag. Everybody falls in love with me, I have no idea why. Other than my magical pussy. But I don’t have a magical personality. I’m impossible to get along with. So guys end up hating my guts pretty fast. I don’t want another boyfriend. I want someone else’s boyfriend.

“But what if that someone else’s boyfriend falls for you?”

That’s a good question. And of course it sort of happens. But see, that boyfriend has already imprinted with his girlfriend.

I know about imprinting from being a dog owner. Dogs really imprint on their caretakers, follow them around, et cetera. Sort of like guys.

And it’s really hard to switch the imprinting. When I drop my dog off at my friend’s house when I’m going out of town, my dog goes nutty.

Because he’s so reliant on my presence. He just doesn’t now who he is without me.

It’s the same with the boyfriends in the threesomes. Or the husbands. Yes, I like married couples maybe the most. Because they are more secure with one another and don’t get threatened. I mean, a married man is SERIOUSLY imprinted with his wife.

Sure, when they’re fucking me they love me. And that’s perfect for me. I’m not some cold bitch. I want some affection.

But they understand the rules — their female partner is very important to me, and without her, they are really not going to get me on their own.

Here are some more reasons for triplings.

2. Two hands are better than one.

The best for me is being fucked hard by the guy, while I’m in reverse cowgirl. And the woman comes between our legs and eats my pussy.

I’m pretty much a clitoral orgasm person. When this happens, I usually squirt in the woman’s face because the clitoral stimulation brings me to where the g-spot on its own cannot bring me. And then, the floodgates open. I like to kind of waterboard the woman with my squirt. I don’t warn her ahead of time. Mean, I know. I told you, I have a fucked up personality. Trauma, doncha know

Trauma is a bitch.

And that’s why I’m down to threesomes only. Coupling is too traumatizing for me.

3. I get bored so easily.

When the guy gets dumb and starts talking about NASCAR or something, I don’t cringe. I just ignore him and talk to the girl. I love that. But when the girl gets boring and starts talking about beauty products, I can talk to the guy about kickboxing. See, it’s perfect.

4. Anticipation.

When you have a date with someone and you know it’s going to end up in sex, don’t you get so aroused and excited ahead of time? Well, double that. I get so excited thinking about my girlfriend Michelle’s sweet pussy. No other pussy tastes as sweet, and I’ve licked a lot of pussies. So that gets me all trembling with excitement when we make a date. But then again, her husband has a massive dong. I love how he stretches me out. He still can’t get the big thing in the whole way — I’m incredibly tight, maybe you knew that. (I like to joke “I have the pussy of a ten year old girl!” I know, such a wrong thing to say, but it’s MAGA time, we can be rude again. Legalize comedy!) So then my mind switches from that pussy to that dong, and I practically wet myself with excitement. And you know, the anticipation is probably even better than the actual event. Don’t get me wrong, being plowed by that dog while Michele sucks my clit and fingers my ass, I mean, life doesn’t get any more stimulating than that. But still, in my imagination before it happens, the event is even more crazy good.

5. Reason number five is a specific couple.

They are African American. They call me their white girl. I just love that. They are just so cool and hip. Way cooler than any white people can be, you know. I don’t even understand half of the things they reference. It’s music I’ve never heard of, or cool fashion trends I’m ignorant of. They always look like influencers. I look like an unfluencer.

And when they get their “white girl” in bed I feel like I absorb some of that coolness. And I won’t lie, I feel like I’m healing race relations by loving these two sweet people of color. I know that’s so dumb. But when he’s fucking me and she’s sitting on my face and the two of them are making out on top of me and we’re all moaning and sighing and loving on one another, it’s like the summer of love all over again.

Jamin and Monique are interesting in that they both go out with me separately sometimes. They’ve been married for 12 years so honestly, it’s kind of a babysitting issue. Jamin can stay home with the kids while Monique comes over with some super cool new weed and plays me some awesome shit on Spotify and then slowly takes my clothes off and says “Give me some of that pussy white girl.” I cum immediately, whenever she says “white girl.” If I’m taking a while she’ll just say, “Come on, white girl, we ain’t got all day,” and boom. I cum in her face.

I’m not going to get into what it’s like to have sex with her husband Jamin by myself. Because Monique reads my articles. Jamin doesn’t. But I don’t want to say anything about what it’s like to fuck her hubbie while she’s not there. It’s only happened like three times. All I’ll say is, well, I kind of remember every single wonderful second of being fucked by that man god. That’s all.

Then when I’m being fucked by the two of them, for some reason I always end up asking for them to fuck my ass. “Put your finger in my ass Monique,” I’ll say, as Jamin fucks me. Then after Jamin makes me cum, I say, “You wanta fuck my ass, Jamin?” Monique, well, she doesn’t like anal, and it might make her feel inadequate somehow. But Monique, if you are reading this, I will tell you girl, you are the most adequate. You are a goddess and Jamin has confided in me that you are his everything. I’m just a dish of Brussel sprouts on the side. You’re the Wagu beef Monique.

6. Reason 6 is my third couple in rotation.

I’m seeing them tonight, which gave me the idea for this article. They are an older, sweet couple. Old enough to be my parents actually. I met Mark through my internet business, and he contacted me about meeting when he came to Barcelona with his wife. We had a lovely dinner.

It was his wife Anne who made the first move at dinner. She kicked off her heel and started rubbing her stockinged foot against my calf, and looking at me really horny. See, I had confided in Mark about my sex writing and Anne turned out to be kind of into it, to Mark’s surprise. She never was all that sexually adventurous, according to Mark, until we met.

She is a beautiful fifty something woman. I have a mommy complex so it was perfect for me.

Mark is a super successful business dude who always wears a bespoke suit and so on. Drives a Mercedes, you know the type. Plays golf on Sundays. He’s the rich dad I never had. And I actually call him Daddy sometimes when he’s fucking me. “Oh fuck me Daddy, fuck me.”

And Anne coaxes him on, “Put your dick in that sweet young thing, honey, have some fun with it, you deserve it. You’ve been such a loyal husband and never cheated on me.”

That’s when I’ll interject, “I’m your whore, Mark. Fuck me like I’m an escort you’re paying five thousand dollars for.”

“Oh I’d pay more for that you sweet little bitch,” he says, and he starts really ramming me.

He did offer to give me a bunch of money one time. I was insulted.

“You think I need money?” I said, shocked.

I guess because I spend all my time writing on here and promoting myself and all that, people must think I’m financially desperate.

“My husband didn’t mean anything,” Anne apologized to me that night later. “He was just trying to be nice. I know you don’t need money, Chrissy. Please don’t be mad at him.”

“I’m not mad,” I said. “But what is it, do you think my apartment is crappy, or what?”

“No, this is lovely. And your house in LA is marvelous too.”

They are so into me that when I’m in Spain, they fly to Spain to fuck me. And when I’m in SoCal they fly out there and stay with me a few days. They don’t stay in my apartment in Barna because it’s kinda small and honestly it is kinda crappy. I just never invested too much time finding the perfect place because I’ve always felt like this was temporary and that when things got back to normal in the States I would go back.

Of course, as I write this, I’m reading about all the rioting in my city. And it occurs to me that I might never go back to LA permanently. Which is fine. I should probably look for an apartment that’s not so pathetic that rich guys try to offer me money after they see it.

Anyhow, Anne really likes being in a threesome with me, because she’s confided that Mark has trouble with ED sometimes. “But never when you’re around, for whatever reason,” she jokes. “He’s stiff as a board when he sees you naked.”

“Who wouldn’t be!” I joke back.

“Oh to be your age and gorgeous,” she says. But she’s gorgeous at her age too. And I’m going to be 40 in the not so distant future. We’re basically going to be in the same age group within a few years. Old is old.

But I love to dance erotically for Mark and watch that dick of his get even stiffer. I feel like I’m curing him of his dick problem then. Doing a good deed, ya know. Because after I get him hard, I always let Anne go first to enjoy the fruits of his labor. I lick his ear and tickle his balls as he fucks her, and cheerlead the whole thing. “Oh yeah, big boy, put that big dick in that sexy woman’s cunt!”

But I don’t let him cum. “Don’t you dare make him cum, Anne!”

Because even with the Cialis there’s not a chance in hell that he will get hard twice.

Mark is in his late 60s. I guess he’s entering the twilight years. I’m kind of careful with my pussy when he’s fucking me on top. I don’t want him getting a heart attack, so I don’t squeeze it too tight around his cock like I’m capable of.

Only when I’m on top and he’s relaxed on his back to I do the squeeze trick on his cock. He always looks suddenly shocked. His wife laughs. “Oh there’s her crystal pussy honey, you did it, you activated her magical vagina!”

I don’t know if it’s magical, to be honest. But I do have a certain muscle control down there that most women don’t seem to have. So when I want him to cum in me, I kind of milk his dick with the contractions of my pussy. And he starts moaning like a little child. I love that. Making a bespoke suited millionaire gentleman regress into childhood. And you should see Anne’s face, she finds the whole experience so charming, watching me make mincemeat of her man.

But holy crap does he cum a load. Afterwards the mayo is just pouring out of me. I grab up a little scoop of it and I put it in Anne’s mouth. We pretend to be little porn sluts then, kissing and passing the big man’s cum back and forth.

He looks at us so proudly.

See, when does your boyfriend get that super proud aren’t I a major stud look? Not so often. I can rely on that every time with the gentlemen of my thruples. They always get a puffed up prideful cock of the walk look afterwards. And hey, men have been really beaten down lately. I don’t mind at all building up the ego of a few nice ones.

It’s the least I can do.

I’m a people pleaser, I guess. And seeing both the man and the woman so contented afterwards, it goes quite a long way to curing my chronic mental fuckedupness. I don’t want to bum anybody out by talking about that right now.

I want to do the opposite. I want everyone to imagine that they’re in a threeway with me. Right now. And I’m sliding my panties down for you, you beautiful couple. I’m presenting my nakedness to you. And I’m letting you do what you like with me.

I’m letting you use me for your pleasure, because I like to please.

Women readers, male readers, use me for your imaginative pleasure now, please. Fuck me, you beautiful creatures. Fuck me and love on me and let’s all cum together. Writing this has made me horny as hell. I’ve got my hand on my clit as I finish this and I’m about to cum.

What about you readers, are you about to cum with me?

Come on, babies. Cum with me. Let’s all cum and then have a nice long nap together and take the rest of the day off. Doesn’t that sound awesome?