Why do certain songs throw me into the rabbit hole?

I was just listening to “After Dark by Mr Kitty”

Do you ever play a song and it just creates deep residual emotions, feelings and sensations?

You wonder:

“what if?, whats the reason for this, whats the point?”

I guess thats what I’m wondering right now also, why do I feel this weight on my stomach, and body what is it that these varying waves of amplitude and length are doing to me?

Sometimes they make me feel free, careless, but other times helpless, confused, worried.

But in this case the song makes me think of possiblity, but also the void that I feel stand in the way of that possibility perhaps the continued struggle of the true pursuit of what I want. Honestly, I dont know, I wish I did, but I dont.

What I do know is that I’m just a guy trying to understand himself via personal expression of his own thoughts.

Music is merely a single paradim within this matrix of thoughts and concepts that flow throughout my exploding mind. Perhaps, know I understand what this songs means to me… its a singular point where I am sucked into the void of it the rabbit hole which consumes me for a temporary time, not a curse or a cure, just stillness, idleness.

Something that seems so rare to me as one who seems to be continously in pursuit of something, whether it be stimuli or objectives.

Maybe even more profound is that in the idleness and perhaps sometimes weighting of the worry of what is the future for me? Will I even continue to exist or cease in that future? But all these questions give me a sense of hope, that actually maybe I’m right where I need to be and that I just have to trust the process.

Look I dont know if what I’m doing will work out and it is hurting me a lot, but perhaps thats the sacrifice of trying.

If there is one thing you take from this monologue and expulsion of random interwined thought it would be that there is hope for us, me, you, everyone, because even in the darkest moments there is always light because for it to be dark, there must be a form of light, otherwise there would be nothing.

This is P,

Signing Off.