Shades of Greige

Do you spell it “gray” or “grey?” I spell it with an “e” because it is my middle name. I am deeply passionate about spelling the word “grey” with an “e” because I am so fond of how it looks. Eventually, I want it to be my last name. “Morrison” is my last name currently, but I want to swap the two. I am not sure how the legal documentation works for that, but ever since I started dating girls, I realized that I did not want a man’s last name forever. It started with my first girlfriend; her last name was given to her by her dad. Her dad was not a genuinely nice man who was also just never in the picture. I mentioned the idea of changing our last names to “Grey,” since her middle name did not necessarily go smoothly with both of our names. It is not that I have an unhealthy relationship with my dad, that can be a story for another day; it is that I am tired of men getting all the credit for something that women do. My mom carried me for nine months and decided to change her last name to her middle one. Now, two-thirds of her name comes from men. Her middle name is now her dad’s last, and her last name is now my dad’s last one. I do not often share this ideal with people because it can come across as “fake feminism.” Really, it is just a personal choice. Yes, I am a firm advocate for intersectionality, but my decision to change my name is not one out of defiance, but one out of anger. I am not doing it to “put it in someone’s face;” I am doing it for the mere fact that I do not even want to have kids, yet if I did, I would be expected to change my name to satisfy societal norms. I want to change my name to fit my liking, not the world’s. Obviously, this opinion is something that I will eventually talk about with my partner one day because I would like to get married, but it is up to me. I have the freedom and the power to BE free and powerful. Even after all of this is said and done, my name will still be one-third of a man’s. However, I am okay with that fact. I do not want to change my entire name because “Sydney” and “Grey” and both special to my parents and to myself. I put “Sydney Grey” as my name on the poetry book I just released. Additionally, I want to keep a part of my dad with me. I do not want to throw away “Morrison” just because I am angry with the world; I want to move it to better honor myself and my beliefs. “Sydney Morrison Grey” may not have the best ring for it, but it satisfies me and that is all that matters.

The color, “greige.”