TAMAR OF GENESIS 38

PART TWO — Tamar’s Sexual Trickery and Summary

GENESIS 38:20–23

20. When Judah sent the kid by his friend the Adullamite, to receive the pledge from the woman’s hand, he did not find her.

21. And he asked the men of her place, saying, “Where is the temple prostitute who was by the road at Enaim?” But they said, “There has been no temple prostitute here.”

22. So he returned to Judah, and said, “I did not find her; and furthermore, the men of the place said, ‘There has been no temple prostitute here.”’

23. Then Judah said, “Let her keep them, lest we become a laughingstock. After all, I sent this kid, but you did not find her.”

Notice Judah kept his word immediately to a harlot, but had failed to keep his word to his daughter-in-law. Even so, this scripture text tells women something about men they should know and understand. Men care about their public image. They care so much that they will women get the best of them in a bargain to keep from being made to look ridiculous. Imagine Judah and other men would rib him saying, “You mean you gave a strange woman your seal, cords (bracelets), and staff, and didn’t know her name or where she lived?” They would have had a good laugh at his expense. This public humiliation may very well have been Tamar’s intent. She may have wanted the community to observe Judah as so weak in his need for sex that he gave up his seal and cord and his staff to a strange woman. Men’s egos are precious to them, and they will do most anything to preserve them. Women, who set out to hurt men through their egos, plan to hurt them badly. They play a dangerous game when they do this, and it never achieves a true victory.

Wives should understand the importance of preserving their man’s ego. To destroy their egos causes them to end up hurting themselves. How do women hurt their men’s egos? Just like Tamar tried to do to Judah. They publicly humiliate them. When women flirt with other men they hurt their husbands’ egos. When women attempt to boss their husbands in front of others they hurt their egos. When women put their husbands down in public they attack their male egos. Men’s effort to salvage their egos causes them to do things they normally would not otherwise do. Maybe they turn to other women, or maybe they turn to drink, or maybe, even, they get violent. They will do something and the results will boomerang on the women. Then women complain that they aren’t treating them right. Women’s egos are not the same as men’s. Therefore, women don’t realize that the way their men treat them results directly from their attacks on their egos.

We should not make the mistake of thinking their egos can only be hurt publicly. Women can hurt men’s egos in the bedroom. They can make men feel insufficient as lovers. This can be disastrous. Please ladies, never do this to your husbands. Fake it if we must, but never try to injure their egos as lovers. The effort to preserve their egos will be blessed by God, as it shows our focus is not on ourselves. It takes a strong man, secure in God’s love, to be able to withstand ego attacks from a wife, and yet not resort to extraordinary measures to preserve it.

Judah managed to keep his ego in tact. First, he didn’t go himself with the kid for the exchange. He sent his friend. The friend could honestly say he was looking for the woman “for a friend.” When the woman couldn’t be found, Judah took a gamble that he could still come out of this okay by doing nothing more. He salvaged his pride by pointing out to himself and his friend that HIS intentions had been honorable. Just as long as nobody else knew about it he decided he could live with it.

GENESIS 38:24 — Now it was about three months later that Judah was informed, “Your daughter-in-law Tamar has played the harlot, and behold, she is also with child by harlotry.” Then Judah said, “Bring her out and let her be burned I”

Had Tamar played the harlot? Yes she had. She had sex with a man and asked for pay. This defines harlotry. When Judah pronounced the sentence of death by burning he merely followed the law of the land. Probably, most women who read this passage will get a little angry or offended. We know something that men seem to forget when it comes to making judgments about harlotry. It takes two to do it. If men didn’t pay and perform there wouldn’t be any harlotry. Why should women pay such a drastic price, and the men not be required to pay the same price? In the Mosaic Law demands this exact penalty for the daughter of a priest who plays the harlot (c.f. Lev. 21:9). However, God is not unjust. We have just seen that women use their sexuality as a tool, and the drive for sex in a man is a weakness. Since the strength of one plays upon the weakness of another, women are judged harsher. When we understand this we have a better understanding of the justice of God.

There will be those who want to justify Tamar’s actions because Judah had not kept his word to her. This absolutely cannot be done. Surely everyone has heard that two wrongs do not make things right. It never has and never can. If society lived on the principle that every wrong action directed toward a person had to have a wrong action directed back we would destroy ourselves. Why then do we feel justified in taking our own vengeance? Think about this. What if we received wrong treatment for every wrong treatment we gave someone else? This type of thinking totally precludes the idea of forgiveness. Forgiveness is acceptable when it comes our way isn’t it? If Christ had not died on the cross for our sins we wouldn’t have forgiveness. The very forgiveness we have received should promote understanding to leave our mistreatments and wrongs in God’s just hands. As we have seen, God already showed His justice in behalf of Tamar. What He did for her He will do for us.

GENESIS 38:25–26

25. It was while she was being brought out that she sent to her father-in-law, saying, “I am with child by the man to whom these things belong.” And she said, “Please examine and see, whose signet ring and cords and staff are these?”

26. And Judah recognized them, and said, “She is more righteous than I, inasmuch as I did not give her to my son Shelah.” And he did not have relations with her again.

We have a marvelous example of God’s grace in these verses. The pay that Tamar took to cause humiliation or revenge on Judah saves Tamar’s life. Please don’t confuse God’s grace with God’s approval of what Tamar did for it would not be true. The fact that God permitted her to live shows His grace. Tamar will pay a price for her actions. Notice the last sentence. Tamar became Judah’s wife, not Shelah’s, and Judah never slept with her again. The very area, her sexuality, which Tamar used to take revenge, became the area that she will never be able to use again. She will never have the fulfillment of a husband/wife relationship. How interesting to observe how the justice and grace of God have worked together in this instance. God’s grace gave her life, yet His justice came in the very area of her life that she had misused. Women need to understand the forgiveness and grace of God; but it is equally important to understand that the justice of God will require a price. We cannot rebelliously continue in practices of sin and not expect repercussions. However, we can always expect grace, and the grace will carry us through the discipline.

Another very important point we should note here reveals that Judah felt the breaking of his word to be worse than the commission of harlotry by Tamar. Make no mistake about it they were both wrong. Yet we must realize how important it is to keep our word. God has always placed a premium on truth and commitment. He never fails to keep His word to us and His commitment to us is shown daily in the fact that we are still alive for starters. Christ says in Matthew:

MATTHEW 12:36–37

36. “And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment.

37. For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.”

Also, notice that Judah realized immediately what he had done wrong when he saw the articles. He knew and understood exactly why Tamar had done what she did. Isn’t this usually the case when we have been out of line? We need to appreciate Judah’s willingness to accept responsibility immediately when it was brought to his attention. Judah could have refused his responsibility, and Tamar would have died. Yet, Judah will have to pay a price just as well as Tamar. Every time he looks at the child to be born he will remember the child was a result of his failure to keep his word. Remember how Judah consoled himself when Tamar couldn’t be found by the fact that HE had kept his word in the bargain? Apparently keeping his word was a great source of pride for him, yet the one time on record that he didn’t would be with him for the rest of his life. How would we like to have our failures constantly before us? God disciplines uniquely and effectively for each individual. This discipline may not seem too great to others, but it was perfect for Judah.

Some may be asking about God’s justice for Tamar in that Judah in fact, mistreated her. Tamar’s sin did not remove God’s justice. It is so important for us, as women, to realize that God doesn’t depend upon us to keep His character intact. God never changes no matter what we do. Tamar had twins — both of whom were sons (c.f. Gen. 38:28–30). The name of the older was Perez and the younger was Zerah. Tamar was given the blessing of children, and not only that, but Perez became part of the lineage of King David, and ultimately Christ, as shown in Matthew 1:3.

MATTHEW 1:3 — and to Judah were born Perez and Zerah by Tamar; and to Perez was born Hezron; and to Hezron, Ram;

God didn’t need to have the lineage go through the son of Tamar by Judah. Remember, Judah had another son Shelah. We know from I Chron. 4:22 that Shelah got married and had sons also. Why would God pick Tamar’s sons? He is a just God.

SUMMARY:

God gave us the ability to be sexual and it is a precious gift. The purpose of this study is to make women aware of the consequences of the misuse of their sexuality. This study does not intend for women to deny their sexuality or be ashamed of it. On the contrary we know that God desires women to be feminine in all of their actions and dress. But, along with God’s desire for our femininity we must understand His purpose. Women were created for men — right? Then our sexuality, as part of His creation, is for men, and more particularly for our particular man. God did not create only one woman for all men. He created one woman for one man.

The misuse of our sexuality comes when it is directed toward any other man than our husband. Young girls will need to be particularly watchful in misuse of their sexuality until they become married. Married women need to be watchful of misuse of their sexuality when they cast their eyes at those men who are not their husbands. Some women misuse their sexuality to punish their husbands. Some women just enjoy the challenge of conquering men with the best weapon they have. Anytime a woman misuses her sexuality Satan uses her. For this reason it is important that we understand what the Bible has to say about this misuse.

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Also see “Understanding Sex from God’s Word” (click here)