Am I in the Circle of Trust?

Why Am I Out?

Photo by Buddy AN on Unsplash

I am with a group of women at a social event. They are strong-willed and confident. Most are career women. A group of us gathers for some chit-chat about one thing or another. One woman asks me what I do, and I tell her I am a stay-at-home mom and wife. The bitter chill in the air hits like a glacier. I have been judged unworthy. The indifferent shoulder comes next. Then the comment, “Oh, that’s nice,” as she turns away to speak to another woman.

What just happened? Did that woman just snub me because I chose to give up my career and be home for my family?

I meet women all the time who are feminists. I have no issue with that, per se. But I do take issue with the fact that when you tell them you are a stay-at-home mom and wife, they dismiss you as not equal to them. Some outright look down on me for it. How did feminism become elitist?

I always believe the principle of feminism is to encourage women and champion our right to live as we want. It’s about empowering women, isn’t it? What could be more empowering than making a life choice for yourself without outside influence? I did that.

I have no regrets and don’t see myself as inferior to them. The only difference is that my career does not involve climbing the corporate ladder. My job is just as important as theirs.

I raise people. That is a mom’s career. I am raising a child, a viable, contributing member of society, hopefully very well-adjusted, with character and integrity. Well, I did that. My son is grown, educated, and at 19 has a career most people would give their left kidney for. He is self-sufficient and living his dream on his own. He is adulting without needing a thing from mom and dad. Okay, maybe he wants home-cooked meals for his freezer whenever we visit him. But that is a joy.

Doing what I did somehow cast me out of the feminist club’s circle of trust. Well, I have news for the movement. Feminism can and does include moms and wives who choose to be that as their profession. We work 24/7 and don’t get an income. Let me see one of those uppity women work at their job under the same criteria and still be content.

I don’t begrudge them their careers. They have the right to be who they want to be. But so do I. I made the best decision for me, and I have no regrets. I don’t apologize to feminist women for wanting a domestic job and succeeding at it.

I do, however, take issue with the condescension I receive after I reveal my lucrative career. I take issue with the fact that they seem to assume I am of little intelligence and unworthy of anything more than a superficial chat. I’ve got news for them. I have a brain, and I use it. I am their equal in all things.

Look, I don’t care whether they like me or not. I am well beyond the age of needing anyone’s approval. I am secure in myself and don’t give a hoot if they don’t want to have an intellectual conversation with me. There are plenty of people who do, women and men alike. I am not less than they are.

I am not subservient to men, nor do I feel inadequate in any way.

I had a good career once and worked my way up the ladder. Guess what? I hated it. I hated the grind, the backstabbing, the office gossip. It was a viper pit. And why? I was in a predominantly female career. Shouldn’t it have been the opposite?

Women empowering women, right? Wrong.

Feminist women should reevaluate how they value moms and wives. We are not a secondary culture. We are the foundation. Moms are the fertilizer for the seed of the flower. We grow the seeds that will eventually blossom into beautiful people who will grace the world with their fragrance. We are the builders of people, communities, societies, and cultures. You cannot have a strong-rooted, well-planted human being without us.

I wish everyone remembered and appreciated that. I wish all moms and wives the respect they deserve.

Moms, wives, you are the rock on which humanity stands. I thank you, fellow powerhouses, for doing the thankless work of creating this world. You are worthy. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

Fellow feminists, yes, I am one of you; we, homemakers, are just as feminist as any other. We are career women, just like all of you. We just go to our offices in comfy clothing and slippers instead of power suits and stilettos.

moms #wives #feminism #culture #expectations

Read some of my other work Alexandra Grant