Bise or Hug: When Cultures Intertwine

Image from the Facebook post of La Queen Mama

The psychological interpretation of Aristotle’s famous statement, “Man is by nature a social animal,” suggests that individuals are shaped by the groups and communities to which they belong. In this sense, greetings — whether verbal or nonverbal, formal or informal — are often the first means through which we interact with others. Every culture has its own ways of greeting, passed down from generation to generation, serving as a bridge between modern society and ancestral traditions.

Across Africa, the most common forms of greeting are the handshake and the embrace. Yet despite the growing influence of globalization, many communities have managed to preserve their traditional customs. Bowing, curtsying, kneeling, and even prostration remain meaningful traditions in many African cultures.

Today, the French cheek kiss (la bise) and the Anglo-Saxon hug have spread far beyond their countries of origin and are now common in many African societies. In West Africa, a region with which I am most familiar, la bise is more prevalent in French-speaking countries, whereas the hug is more characteristic of English-speaking ones.

Having grown up in Togo, I observed that la bise is practiced mainly between women, as well as between women and men. Depending on local customs and personal habits, people usually exchange between two and four bises. Between men, however, la bise is generally replaced by a friendly head bump, a handshake, or a warm embrace.

It was only after discovering and experiencing French culture that I realized how differently we often perform la bise in West Africa. As a French as a Foreign Language Lecturer (FFL), I have noticed that my students are almost always intrigued when they first learn about this way of greeting. However, their perspective quickly changes once they understand its subtle codes.

Did you know, for example, that la bise is performed cheek to cheek, accompanied only by the sound of an air kiss, without the lips actually touching the other person’s cheek? Did you also know that the number of cheek kisses varies from one region to another, generally ranging from one to four?

But that’s not all. Another challenge lies in knowing which cheek to offer first — the left or the right. In reality, it all depends on where you are in the French-speaking world, including within France itself. In some regions or social circles, people start with the left cheek; in others, they begin with the right. To avoid those awkward moments when each person instinctively leans in a different direction, you have to observe, adapt… and sometimes simply improvise!

If you live in a French-speaking country or are immersed in such an environment, and you regularly exchange la bise without making that characteristic kissing sound — or worse, if you actually kiss the other person’s cheek with your lips — it may be time to relearn this art.

In Francophone Africa, where many of us have adopted certain Western customs — particularly French ones — in our own way, a lack of familiarity with these unwritten rules can sometimes create uncomfortable situations. Some women, especially foreigners, may feel uneasy or even harassed when they encounter men who either do not understand the etiquette of la bise or misuse this moment of physical proximity. Yet, in its original cultural context, la bise is neither sensual nor ambiguous.

Another aspect that often surprises Africans is that men sometimes greet each other with la bise in France. In French-speaking West Africa, men rarely, if ever, exchange cheek kisses. In France, however, this practice is perfectly normal in certain settings, especially among relatives and close friends. This cultural difference can be quite confusing for many African males encountering it for the first time after moving to Europe.

It is true that some foreign women living in France disclosed that they do not always feel they have a choice when it comes to greeting colleagues or acquaintances with la bise. Yet this sense of discomfort can also affect some men as they adapt to this unfamiliar social norm. That said, among men, la bise is generally reserved for a relatively close circle of family members or friends. Once you become part of that circle, however, there’s no turning back! British comedian Paul Taylor humorously captures this reality in one of his shows devoted to la bise.

Moreover, people who have experienced both the bise and the Anglo-Saxon hug will often agree that, between people of opposite sexes, a hug can paradoxically feel more physically intimate than la bise. Let’s be honest: is a brief cheek-to-cheek contact really more intimate than feeling another person’s upper body pressed against yours during an embrace?

If you disagree, I completely understand. That is precisely where intercultural competence becomes so important. We can never truly understand other people’s customs, values, and choices unless we approach them with curiosity, openness, and tolerance.

So, which do you prefer: la bise, the hug, or both? More importantly, what have your own experiences with these different forms of greeting been like? I’d love to read your thoughts in the comments.