I Said “This is Wrong.” My Japanese Colleague Said “Perhaps… Maybe… If Possible…”

Why direct complaints are social suicide.

The Complaint That Wasn’t

We received a project deliverable from another team. It was wrong — objectively, factually incorrect. The data was outdated, the formatting was off, and it would require a full redo.

In the US, I’d email: “Hey, this isn’t what we agreed on. Can you fix these issues by Friday?”

So I drafted that email in Japanese (with help from Google Translate). I was about to hit send when my Japanese coworker stopped me.

“JBW-san, wait. Let me… adjust this.”

He rewrote my email. It became:

“Thank you so much for your hard work on this project. We truly appreciate your efforts. However, we were wondering if perhaps, maybe, it might be possible to make a few small adjustments? If it’s not too much trouble, and only if you have time, could we possibly reconsider the data source? We apologize for the inconvenience…”

It was three paragraphs of apologies and soft language to say: “This is wrong. Fix it.”

The Comparison: I Have a Complaint! vs. Maybe… If Possible…

🇺🇸 In the US: I Have a Complaint! We’re direct. If something’s wrong, we say it. “This isn’t right.” “We need changes.” “Fix this.” It’s efficient and clear. Beating around the bush wastes time.

🇯🇵 In Japan: Maybe… If Possible… Complaints are delivered extremely softly.

• Never Say “Wrong”: Use phrases like “Perhaps there’s been a small misunderstanding?”
• Apologize First: Start with apologies and gratitude. Soften the blow.
• Suggest, Don’t Demand: “Would it be possible to consider…?” not “Change this.”

The Deep Dive: Saving Face

In Japan, publicly pointing out someone’s mistake is crushing. You’re making them lose face in front of others.

So instead, you:

1. Acknowledge their effort.
2. Take partial blame (“Maybe I wasn’t clear…”).
3. Gently suggest an alternative.

It’s slower and more indirect, but it preserves relationships and harmony (wa). In a collectivist culture, maintaining relationships is more important than being “right.”

Pro Tips for Complaining in Japan 📧

1. The Sandwich Method: Compliment → Criticism → Compliment. “Great work! One small thing… But overall, excellent!”
2. Private, Not Public: Never call someone out in a meeting. Address issues privately, one-on-one.
3. Use a Mediator: If possible, have a neutral third party deliver bad news. It’s less confrontational.

Conclusion

I’ve learned the art of the soft complaint. My emails now take 20 minutes to write because I’m carefully crafting layers of politeness. It’s exhausting, but it works. People actually listen when you don’t attack them. Who knew?

Are you direct with complaints or do you soften the blow?

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