SUN TZU | SELF IMPROVEMENT | PHILOSOPHY

How to Use ‘The Art of War’ to Defeat Toxic People

Turning toxicity into a training ground

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“Deep down, you know that you deserve to be punished.”

That’s Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I found her to be revolting and pure evil. There is no redemption for such characters.

In real life too, sometimes when our energies are at a low, we attract certain poisonous creatures. And at other times I believe, like Shakespeare used to say, “As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods…”. We become a sport for these individuals on a power trip.

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These toxic, deplorable excuses for human beings are incorrigible and full of hate. They are like the big bad wolf in sheep’s clothing. They are going to nibble our souls away if we open the door.

No matter how many times we forgive them, they come back loaded with scorn and disdain because they just hate us for no reason. By the virtue of our position in their lives, they hold us in contempt. We don’t stand a chance at all!

These people are found everywhere — at the workplace, at home, on occasions, in the neighbourhood, and we might even come across one in an elevator.

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No matter how polite and considerate a person is, everyone has their limits, and there is a clear line we must draw when dealing with such entities. A beatific smile could be a clear line — a subtle hint that I am keeping it together because I am better than you.

We could also employ **Sun Tzu’s** The Art of War to guide you. Because it offers incredibly clever and workable solutions to our quandary. We need not fall prey to negative emotions or expend our energies dealing with these people.

Let me share some ideas that work for me. It is always better to have a plan and then a backup plan, and then perhaps another one just in case and one in case it goes SNAFU!

1. “All warfare is based on deception…if you are capable, pretend to be incapable. If your opponent is of choleric temper, irritate him. Pretend to be weak, so that he may grow arrogant.” Chapter 1, Laying Plans

Just pretend to be as dumb as a rock. Toxic people love to use smart people and boss them around for their own power trip. Be as clueless as possible in front of them so that they may not consider us worthy of their effort.

Channel Natasha Romanoff from The Avengers. Pretend to be all helpless and let the enemy reveal their weakness.

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2. “Supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.” Chapter 3, Attack by Stratagem.

There is no point in being reactive. Toxic people exist in their own echo chamber and are perfectly content listening to themselves over and over. They love the way their voice falls on their eardrums.

They will shout and drown all opposition and come after us with their fangs and shatter our defences with a litany of inane, logic-defying verbosity.

Look at how a narcissist like Mango Mussolini dumps his load on people around him. When we inflate the gossamer egos of such toxic people, they might explode, bursting with their own hubris.

And when we can’t avoid them, we can go on calculated silences punctuated with hmms, aahs and okays.

Channel Michael Corleone from The Godfather, 1972. His silence unnerves rivals, forcing them to disclose more than they plan.

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3. “He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.” Chapter 3, Attack by Stratagem

I get it when women these days say that they don’t want to get married. I have read so many stories here of women enduring their whole lives for the sake of their parents and children and other reasons. They carry the burden of the entire relationship drama with a martyr complex.

But often when we endure, their toxicity increases manifold. We grant them concessions on account of their age and position, but obnoxious behaviour is unconscionable no matter what! So, we need to pick our battles. Sometimes load our guns, and at other times, starve them of conflict and drama and save ourselves all the agony.

Channel Andy Dufresne from The Shawshank Redemption, 1994. Years of patience, endurance and observation and striking in one decisive act to escape.

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4. “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” Chapter 3, Attack by Stratagem

There are certain warning signs to this toxic kind, and they are always predictable, so that could be our best defence.

They will never say a nice thing about us. Never, not even once! Not even if the whole world were clapping for us. A positive way to look at them is to consider them a Nazar tikka (black dot to prevent an evil eye).

They will gnaw at our self-confidence little by little. That’s their modus operandi. They will find our positives and start undermining them. If we make good food, they will start there. If we study well, they will attack our good habits. Their venom exposes them, not us.

Channel Rocky Balboa from Rocky, 1976. He is dismissed as a ‘bum’ but fuels his training with all the taunts and reframes them as motivation to win.

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5. “Do not press a desperate foe too hard.” Chapter 7, Manoeuvring

Desperate people do desperate things. Never corner the toxic neighbour with facts and logic! Always leave them a dignified way out, lest they attack like a cornered animal.

Channel Batman who refuses to kill the Joker, showing mercy and restraint, for he knows it will validate everything the twisted villain lives for and spur him on further.

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6. “He will conquer who has learnt the artifice of deviation.” Chapter 7, Manoeuvring

Sometimes there is no point in a head-on confrontation. So don’t let them needlessly waterboard your sanity! Use distraction or change the subject.

Channel Gandhi. Instead of confronting the British with strength, he walked 240 miles from his ashram to the coastal village of Dandi just to pick up a handful of natural salt from the beach. He did it. A simple act of deviation and defiance at the same time.

Or Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Caribbean. His antics always distract the enemies, and he disarms them easily with absolute chaos.

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7. “Disciplined and calm, to await the appearance of disorder and hubbub amongst the enemy: — this is the art of retaining self-possession.” Chapter 7. Manoeuvring

Sometimes, we can’t escape and need to adapt and survive with the toxicity around. We must put on our best mask and filter out the toxic fumes and sit in patience by switching on our Zen mode. The enemy will crumble on its own.

Channel Miyagi from The Karate Kid, 1984. Use discipline and calm, and not reactive aggression. Wait for your opponents to exhaust themselves.

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Red Bull cannot give me wings! Your support, however, can… If you liked my stories, then you can help me sprout some wings and cheer me by reading more here :). Thank you for reading. © Anu Maheshwari, 2026

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