On this Father’s Day — A Note To All Fathers

A personal reflection, the quest for the ideal Father & portrayal in films

Disclaimer — No AI or Chatgpt has been used. Written by a living breathing human…. :) So candid and sensitive … So, please adjust the grammatical errors….

I am a Tamilian by birth, and in Tamil we call our father, “Appa’’. The father’s brothers are called — Periappa….

In my patrilineal lineage — I happen to have 4 perippa’s. Each of them had an extremely strong subtle impact on me. Each of them extremely hardworking, extremely successful in their own spheres, and had a high benchmark set for the next generation.

While some of those inherited qualities have served me well, others required me to consciously find my own path.

On this Father’s Day, I found myself reflecting on my relationship with my own father — a relationship that has undergone a profound evolution, one that I continue to appreciate with every passing year. The journey has been cathartic, revelatory, and deeply transformative.

With me being the eldest daughter, my dad was always very vocal, of how he loved and adored being my dad. For a long time, I don’t think I fully grasped the significance of those words, until very lately I understand him and the dynamic of our evolving bond.

My father is, in many ways, an immensely caring presence in my life. As I have grown older, one of the greatest gifts has been learning to see him not only as my father, but also as a human being — someone shaped by his own experiences, strengths, limitations, and aspirations. That perspective has brought with it a deeper sense of understanding, compassion, and gratitude. And perhaps that is one of the quiet privileges of growing older: discovering that our relationships with our parents need not remain fixed. They can transform, deepen, soften, and reveal new dimensions of themselves over time and ourselves too.

Which led me initially to my quest for the Ideal Father — —

The ideal father in Sanskrit is called — ‘Sreshtah Janakah’. Why Janaka? Why not Dasharatha?

Image of King Janaka ploughing the field with faith

Janaka was the Father who adopted Sita, when he found her as he ploughed the field with faith. Sita, is regarded and revered as the daughter of Mother Earth, an incarnation of Maha Lakshmi.

Dasharatha giving his daughter Sita to Lord Rama

Why qualities is Janaka endowed with, to deserve Maha Lakshmi as his daughter?

Janaka –is referred to in the contexts of, his commitment and quest towards soul consciousness studies, under the Sage Ashta-vakra.

Today, Father’s day falls in the — sign of Poorvaphalguni and Uttaraphalguni. The asterism of Uttaraphalguni is associated with a story of Janaka. Janaka was once asked by his Guru, to go around his palace or his kingdom, with a lamp in his hand, while he pays attention to the matters of the kingdom he has the equal responsibility to ensure that the fire is not extinguished and it remains lit throughout. The sign of Uttara — is perhaps associated with this steadfastness, a commitment to marriage and unflickering, unwavering sense of duty being un-attached.

What does this story convey? To my knowledge it conveys, doing your duty but with a balance, with a sense of equanimity and poise in your heart to not let the fire within be extinguished.

Hard….but possible…..

Now, I had this vision, that my dad, should be like Janaka, in this process, I probably overlooked the beauty within my own father, who was moon-like, and affectionately and tenderly called ‘Chandra’ by all.

With each passing day, as I make tea for my parents, and after I see my father’s face glistening after offering his morning ablutions to the Sun God for Sandhyavandhanam, I perhaps, see my father, is Chandra — glistening, with an inherent beauty that is slowly awakened like lotus unfolding its petals to the sun rays. In my eyes, its poetic beauty, and I am gladly part of his awakening. Every day he is grown to be a father, I am proud to have…..

Now, coming to the Father –Son dynamic…

I once, met a man, I fell in love achingly with, almost irrevocably. He had all the qualities I desired, he spoke his mind and had the solar archetype qualities I deeply desired in a man.

Interestingly, though we were not in touch briefly, I was told, his dad had passed away.

Lately, I did realize, that his father had a very strong impact on him….

This reminded me of a classmate of mine, who unfortunately passed away due to covid.

When he spoke his truth in my class, it was just pointedly daring and the truth. I presume, he had difficulty connecting with his feelings more authentically or rather healthily, as much as I did. And we did share outwardly a love-hate relationship. As I realize, I deeply revere a side of him and wish I had told him the same, of how I see him in my eyes.

Going back, I shared a deep admiration for him and I equally felt it hard to admit it to him, as at that age, it could have probably bordered on a teenage romantic interest furthering into something more in the eyes of society. So I kept my distance and so did he, I believe much against a friendship we authentically wanted and didnt manage to have.

King Dasharatha blessing Lord Rama

When I think of the Father- Son dynamic, I think of King Dasharatha. Though implored by his wife, Kaikeyi, he asks his son Rama to be exiled to the forest. Dasharatha overwhelmed with pain and guilt ends his life in agony.

After my maternal grandfather’s passing away, my mother’s sister highlighted this to say, a father’s love is deep held within, unlike, a mother’s love which is outspoken.

This brings me to me to a discussion on representation of the Father- Daughter dynamic in films.

One film that comes to mind is Piku. Interestingly, the daughter here, is caretaking her dad. What I found interesting is, the eldest daughter at work here, with many solar archetype qualities much like her dad.

(Still from Sahana Serial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tD_FcYfx0k&t=842s)

This brings to me, another serial, by late director K. Balachander. The serial ‘Sahana’. The daughter here, much like myself has a deep regard for other’s feelings, is sensitive, is very candidly vocal to others about what she feels, and has a caring father named, ‘Sivanesan’. The absence of her mother, makes her achingly crave for a mother’s love too.

What was similar to Piku, is, here the character ‘Sahana’ is also having the responsibility of subtly parenting her dad. She loves her dad and also reprimands her dad in moments, where she calls him ‘ Rascal Sivanesa’. Like my own life, as she bonds with her father’s brothers who are her perippa’s, the bond is an equally authentic journey yet with steep needs for reformation.

Another, film in 2025, which had a deep impact on me, is ‘Idly Kadai’, the productions of Wunderbar films. Almost every frame was soul stirring. Here again, the father character is named ‘Sivanesan’. True to his name, he is duty bound, shares a responsible commitment to his immediate village community and practices and preaches non-violence even in trying times. The film shows how the son, who has a huge responsibility shouldered on him, to carry on his father’s heritage despite initial hurdles. Every frame had a value being conveyed to the viewer.

( Frames from the film — Idly Kadai)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIai4JRYYWA

A message to this generation….

For a woman, motherhood, is an evolution in her consciousness. It make her essentially complete, as in, in caring she ultimately evolves into something soulfully beautiful.

For modern men, this journey from manhood to fatherhood, is filled with apprehensions, where he has to outwit his own weaknesses, and become a better version of himself than he ever imagined himself to be capable of….But, Dear Man, Trust me, the journey is beautifully worth it…..

Wishing my father, and many other gentleman, grandfathers, step fathers, biological fathers, surrpogate fathers, bi-sexual fathers, those going to be fathers….

A HAPPY FATHER’S DAY….2026