Friendship Died Waiting for Something Urgent — SquashedFrog

A dead friendship. This is really embarrassing to talk about. No, really, it is. I wonder whether I am dumb, or gullible and it comes up a resounding yes. Why? I trusted someone beyond reason. Believed their words while their actions screamed red flag. Multiple red flags, or as I saw the other day, a red blanket. In this case the red should have coloured the world yet I still hoped.

Just a small piece of me. Because I wanted it to be real. I gave way too many fucks for too long.

How The Madness Began

It didn’t start out as a friendship, it started as work. When I was first freelancing, I received a request. The person, a woman was charming, eloquent and called me a sister. She had seen in my profile I had worked for a queer organisation and my experience spoke to a connection with our lives, our souls. She was very convincing.

What she wanted was urgent work completed by me to launch her website(s) in a month. Great I thought. I have time. So I sent her my rate (which was very low) and waited for a response. It was for an amazing initiative and I was excited to be a part of it and had told her so.

The Slide Downhill Was Slow BUT Quick

Her response was that she wanted to work with me but didn’t have the money to pay me, she even argued my already low rate. It should have ended there. I should have ended it there. But I didn’t, obviously.

First she argued my rate, already super low, I stood firm on this. Then the bombshell that she couldn’t afford to pay me. But she would. She promised. If I would do the work to get the sites up she would pay me next month. She would never not pay, that wasnt who she was.

Smallish red flags, I agreed to help. I thought we would launch and start raising funds, enough to pay us all, and change the world. I could not have been more wrong.

The Falling Apart Friendship Picked Up Pace

The time frames are blurry from here, a lot has happened at the same time as this unfolded layer, upon layer, upon layer. What I can say is that we were always was always just about to go online, but it always stayed just out of reach.

This started in August 2010. I have the receipts. And at the time of writing this we are still waiting for something. A cron job for the websites — that has been two weeks. She wont share any planning, doesn’t show for meetings. When I say enough, she apologises but never changes behaviour.

Over the 16 years there have been periods of her disappearing no word, she has constantly changed the overall plan, promised I would partly own the business (she told me I had been added as a director), no proof supplied when requested. She offered to help me raise funds when B was dying on the website that still isn’t live.

She tries to involve people I know, I learned early that just meant embarrassment for me so I stopped that early. The list is endless of the shenanigans with this woman.

Who Is This Person?

This is what she told me. She is around my age (we have had one video call) and this is true. She used to be a well known Naturopath to the point she was wealthy. Living a luxury life, and buying bespoke clothes, apparently a millionaire at some point. But there is nothing online to confirm or dispute any of this.

She has bragged about her exploits with women in earlier days, being with many at a time. When I met her she had a live in partner. Now she is in a long term with a guy she met online. He worships her, and serves her, I don’t want to reveal more about him.

I don’t know how she lost her fortune, something about a lawsuit and taxes owed, nothing more. But in the last 16 years she has cried poor, unable to pay all of the wages to me (excepts for 300), as she doesn’t work, doesn’t earn and hasnt except supposedly on her websites and plans all this time.

The weird thing, I checked one of them websites the other day, a portal (I don’t know all the URLs), and the main one looks the same as it did many years ago. Oddly, I just did a quick search and she has a shop that is live, is she making money to pay her debt to me? No transparency so I don’t know.

In the time I was actually doing paid work for her, I earned $15k USD. She has acknowledged this amount and at one point promised to pay back $250 per month. She paid once.

The reason I stayed so long is that we DO have a lot in common. She at times has been a good friend, but mostly she has chronically lied to me over and over, and yes I stayed sorta.

But when I step back I can see what a disgusting human being she is. She hides behind a facade of love and light while manipulating me, and there were others, to fill whatever fantasy our involvement with her plans filled. I will never understand it because I choose not to walk in this world that way.

A Repeated Pattern Of Excuses

She has a litany of excuses, a round robin, all conveyed in riddles, messages that don’t make sense. Asking for clarification on anything is welcomed with silence. If I show emotion she demands I keep it light, the huff and rolling of eyes apparent in her words. Tone policing and maybe an apology but NEVER changed behaviour.

Here are some of her roster of why nothing has happened:

1. Illness — years ago she contracted a mystery illness, sketchy details. Debilitating and requires much time in bed recovering or travel to and from treatments. I have asked, but the answers make no sense. It pops up at regular times as a reason nothing is done. I have offered to assist. Suggested she brief me and while she recovers I keep things moving. The promised brief never arrives, I cannot help. Shut out still.
2. A family emergency, hers or her partners. They are a super unhealthy group of people and this pops up on a regular basis. My thoughts? Business should be managed, not stop when an emergency arises.
3. It was the wrong time, the devil was working to make it fail (I kid you not). Thousands of times she has heralded that today is the day, we had to wait until now. Today is NEVER the day. She is all love and light.
4. She finds it impossible to send important communication to my email address, thousands of times. Its the same one I have used for the whole time we have known each other. She has a business email for me. I cannot access it yet she still sends info I need to it. I have told her many times I cannot see the messages there, but she never resets it for me. Then tells me we have a communication problem.
5. Silence — disappearing for days, weeks, months without a word. She is on one of those at the moment. Then pops back up and somehow it is my fault she hasn’t said a word, or I didn’t read her mind.
6. We are buying land, waiting on the seller. We would live with a group of like minded peeps and do great things together. She even told me at one stage she would buy me a house. Waiting, waiting, waiting…..now we are buying over here, or this is the wrong country. The latest is an island somewhere, don’t know what that plan is.
7. Or we have investors, millions, they are just waiting for a doc, or this or that. Its happening just wait till next week, month, or century. It will happen she says over and over, even once sending docs to support her claim.

She is well connected, or so she says so at the time these things seemed possible. I was naive, or just hopeful and a dreamer. I am still those things but I prioritise self now.

So Why Did I Stay Am I Stupid?

I half stayed. I do very little work, or no work, until there is money for payment. But there is a part of me so reluctant to walk away entirely. She knows this it has been discussed. She doesn’t ask me to work so much, just keeps telling me today is the day she feels its the right time. The delays were for a cosmic reason.

But I stayed because I believed in what she wanted to do. I believed in her that together we could do this, though in hindsight she absolutely gave me no proof.

I have always wanted to make the world a better place and we seemed aligned, we could do it together, that’s what the work was about.

The Friendship Was Dead Long Ago

All my life I have given people too many benefits of the doubt. This woman in particular and she ran with it. Took advantage and I allowed it. This post is a mess, I can see that, but I have not the energy to make it prim, proper, less raw. because it’s raw that I am feeling right now.

I have changed, she is the last remnant of a person I no longer am, or can remember. This is my accountability, my participation award. I have not set my things on hold while this has been lurking in the dark. Certainly not the light and she operates with absolutely with an absence of love for me. I fill that cup now.

But I am changed now. I have boxed my shadow, embraced all versions of me as true and now I run with love through the world but with boundaries. The one thing she wont do is leave me bitter. I will take the hits, the embarrassment, the foolish feelings. But I will never give up the essence of who I am.

Thanks for listening,

PEACE out

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Originally published at https://squashedfrog.org on June 3, 2026.