Reading is FUNdamentalist

Texas Mandates All Students Read Portions of The Bible

Here we go again; nothing raises my blood pressure quite like Texas

Texas has outdone Texas. I mean, you might have thought they went as far as they would dare go in thumbing their nose at the First Amendment by requiring the Ten Commandments to be displayed in all classrooms. Well, they’ve gone further. At this point, they might as well just replace all school teachers with pastors, seminarians, and throw in a few token nuns and be done with it. Uh-oh, I take that back; I don’t want to give them any ideas.

In case you missed it, the Texas State Board of Education has established a list of mandated reading for all public school students, and that list includes portions of the Holy Bible. To which I responded, “Holy macaroni!” and had to scrape my jaw off the floor.

WikiCommons

You all remember them mandating the Ten Commandments to be displayed in all classrooms, right? You might have thought that would have been struck down by the courts, but nope. Those commandments are still up.

Screenshot from CNN

I guess since Texas has gotten away with that, they figured they might as well try for more than just a poster with a list. Why not throw in the whole darn book?

Here is what they are ***mandating*** all public school kids to read:

Grade 2: David and Goliath (excerpt from The Children’s Book of Heroes). Grade 3: ROAR! — Daniel and the Lion’s Den (Children’s Adapted Version). Grade 4: Luke 14:7-11. Grade 5: Exodus 3 (The Burning Bush) and Exodus 14 (Parting of the Red Sea). Grade 6: Matthew 6:25–34. Grade 7: Psalm 23, King James version. Grade 7: Matthew 5:1–12. Grade 8: Ecclesiastes 3. Grade 8: Lamentations 3. Grade 9: Luke 15:11–32. Grade 10: Book of Job Chapters 1–7, 11, 14, 19, 28, 38–42. Grade 11: Genesis Chap 2 and 3. Grade 12: 1 Corinthians 13.

There is so much to say about this that I am momentarily at a loss for words. Give me a minute to lower my blood pressure…

The “founded as a Christian nation” myth just keeps marching on…

I honestly don’t know which is worse: Texas turning public schools into Sunday schools or the reasoning the board members are giving to justify turning public schools into Sunday schools.

They say they are just teaching “literature” and “history.”

Okay, the “literature” part does apply to a couple of those selections, and I might — strong emphasis on “might” — see a case made for them to show up in 12th-grade literature class. There are portions of the Holy Bible that are quite poetic. Ecclesiastes 3, for example, made it into a pop song (“Turn! Turn! Turn!” by The Byrds), so that one is hardly something to get too fussy about. Then again, there are elements further on down in the full text of Ecclesiastes 3 that are problematic. I’ll get to that in a bit.

The “history” part, though, I call BS on that. They say teaching Bible verses is part of teaching American history. You have to turn yourself into quite a mental pretzel to arrive at that conclusion, and that is even conceding — as I certainly would — that many of The Founders were quite religious.

An article from CNN says: “ Supporters argue the Bible should be studied as an essential literary text that can help students understand Western history and the founding of the US.”

Western history? The way the Bible has been used, various interpretations of the text, wars fought over the text, etc., have played a role in the course of Western history, sure. But that is not what they are teaching. They are having the kids read religious texts. That ain’t history. Maybe the text ties into a bit of Middle Eastern history, but not “the West.” The Book of Mormon takes place in the West. But I don’t think Texas is including that, which is odd. But I digress.

According to CNN, Susan Perez, founder of a parent advocacy group called Citizens for Education Reform, “pointed out Christian references in the Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution.” Odd, since there are no Christian references in either. I think maybe “education reform” is needed since this woman is a testament to not being educated very well.

Not to be outdone, board member Brandon Hall, a Republican who is a pastor, said, “ We’re going to stop watering down American history. We’re going to teach the truth. Our nation was founded as a Christian nation.”

Oh, for crying out loud! Are you seriously telling me that while founding our nation as a Christian nation, it just completely slipped their minds to say that? “God” is not mentioned once in the Constitution. Jesus Christ is mentioned nowhere in any official document.

To be accurate, “God” is mentioned once in the Declaration of Independence, but not as the entity for whom the nation is being established. Rather, it notes “God” as the entity who gave us the entitlement to declare independence. That is a little convoluted. The opening paragraph is a bit opaque in phrasing:

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

Nothing in that declaration says “and we therefore declare ourselves a Christian nation.” Did it slip Jefferson’s mind? Was it in the first draft and accidentally got left out in the final draft? Did somebody spill their tea on that part, and the stain made it unreadable?

And golly gosh gee, a Christian nation completely leaving God and Jesus out of its Constitution seems like one hell of an oversight.

Sorry for the snarkiness, but I think it was called for.

This is not teaching history. This is using “literature” and “history” as a backdoor way to tell kids, “Y’all better believe in God or else.”

Who in their right mind would be okay with telling that to all students in public school and see no conflict with the First Amendment prohibition against establishment of religion? Some not well-educated Texans on a school board, apparently.

Every single one of those mandated Bible reading selections says, “Y’all better believe in God or else.” I’m paraphrasing, but I know of what I speak. Let me break it down for you

Bible class is in session, so strap yourselves in for the long haul, get some coffee, maybe some chocolate chip cookies, and a snuggie…

I am going to meticulously take on every one of the items on the Texas biblical reading list. Why? Because I love to quote the Bible. Adults should know something of the Bible, whether they are believers or not. Note that I said “adults.”

Here is a fun quote from Thomas Jefferson where he argues that children should not be studying the Bible: Instead therefore of putting the Bible and Testament into the hands of the children, at an age when their judgments are not sufficiently matured for religious enquiries, their memories may here be stored with the most useful facts from Grecian, Roman, European and American history (emphasis added).

David and Goliath: Well, I don’t have the exact text they will be sharing with the little kiddies on that one, but if memory serves, David wins because God was on his side. Lesson: You better have God on your side.

Daniel and the lion’s den: Ditto above. You better be on God’s side so that God will protect you. Otherwise, you gonna be lunch for lions.

Luke 14:7–11: This is the “necessity of humility” story. The Texas Republicans might want to send that one to Trump. Actually, Texas Republicans might want to read it themselves. Actually, maybe the Texas School Board might want to read it, too. However, 4th graders are going to have their eyes go crossed with this one. For some, it will go over their head and that is fine. But the smart, enterprising members of the class who actually want to understand it more clearly might read more of Luke 14. They would see “…you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.” In other words, y’all better believe in God.

Exodus with the burning bush and parting of the Red Sea: Y’all better believe in God since he does cool tricks. The class would probably rather watch the Charlton Heston movie.

Matthew 6:25–34: “… do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them… seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you…” In other words, y’all better believe in God cos it pays off.

Psalm 23, King James version: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me…” In other words, y’all better believe in God cos it will be damn scary if you don’t.

Matthew 5:1–12: The beatitudes. They are nice and sweet, but even for a 7th grader, they are going to be puzzling. The meek will inherit the Earth? That is not what the kids learned watching Trump’s UFC fight on the White House lawn. Also, this whole thing about being “persecuted for righteousness” and being rewarded with the “kingdom of heaven” is just… say it with me, class… a way of saying y’all better believe in God.

Ecclesiastes 3: Ah, yes, that nice pop song poetry. After you move down past that, though, there is “… God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.” In other words, y’all better believe in God.

Lamentations 3: I’m really not sure why this was included. It does make God sound pretty doggone cruel. It speaks of “the Lord’s wrath.” That includes: “He has made my skin and my flesh grow old and has broken my bones… He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains… He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust…” Okay, okay, okay! Feels like reading a Steven King novel. “For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion…” Pardon my sacrilege here, but honestly, the first thing that came to my mind was a good old-fashioned BDSM relationship. You know, the Madonna song “Erotica.” “Only the one that inflicts pain can take it away.” Ahem. Yeah, I liked Fifty Shades of Grey! Any woman who tells you she didn’t is lying. Anyway, the message from God is y’all better believe in me if ya want the pain I inflicted to stop.

Luke 15:11–32: The parable of the prodigal son. That one always made me scratch my head. It still does. But I’m told it illustrates God’s unconditional love and forgiveness for sinners. Say it with me: So y’all better believe in God.

Book of Job 1–7, 11, 14, 19, 28, 38–42: I’m not even touching this one with a 20-foot pole. I will say, though, if any biblical scholars out there can give me a theory as to why they excluded certain chapters, I would love to know. Anyway, I’m sure the kids will have the same reaction to this as Kyle did on South Park.

[embed]South Park clip on YouTube

Genesis Chap 2 and 3: Oh, for crying out loud!

1 Corinthians 13: Nice poetic stuff to be sure. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” Uh-huh. Okay, Texas, make the kids read that. They will then say, “Well, that means Trump doesn’t follow the Bible and neither do Republicans, so… we all better believe in God and join the Democrats!”

I do love a twist ending to a story, don’t you?

Support me by buying me a KO-FI… I stayed up to flippin’ midnight reviewing Bible verses for this fer cryin’ out loud…

“This America” — an op-ed publication