Tired of People Talking Over You? Do This.

8 Ways to control your conversations.

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“*SHUT THE *** UP!”

I was mentally screaming it, a fake smile stretched across my face.

But the person in front of me kept…on…interrupting.

His name was Peter. The King of the Cut-in. Stealing conversations at every training session I held with the skill of a seasoned mugger.

Do you know that feeling? When a conversation killer keeps speaking over you, leaving your voice unheard?

You’re not alone. It’s common in group discussions, workplace meetings, and even one-to-one conversations.

The result is the same:

You feel disrespected, frustrated, and unheard.

A ghost in the conversation.

Perhaps English isn’t your first language? You’re overly polite, shy, or introverted?

What can you do? How can you regain control of your conversations? You need to take action.

Here’s how to handle Peter.

Set Expectations

Understand that everyone gets interrupted, talked over, or ignored at some point.

But people often take it personally and shut down as a result. This creates a self-defeating habit of silence.

It can feel like the sting of rejection.

But this is not what is always happening!

Interruptions happen for several reasons, and it is rarely due to malicious intent.

Recognizing Interruptions

Here’s some good news:

Not all interruptions are bad.

You may not like it, but many people have a conversational style that involves speaking over others.

Are they:

• Agreeing with you? “Oh my God, that is so true!”
• Asking for clarification? “Do you mean…?”
• Providing a word or phrase you were struggling for?

These are ‘cooperative’ interruptions.

They are trying to help the conversation, not hijack it.

Like an overenthusiastic dog with a ball in its mouth, they are excited by what you are saying.

Recognize these as well-intentioned interruptions, and don’t let them derail you.

Keep on talking.

The Power Plays

Now, the bad news — there are a lot of insecure, self-absorbed people in the world (see Instagram.)

They have a constant need to validate their presence or opinions (see X/Twitter.)

This fear of being unheard or the desire to assert authority can drive people to dominate conversations.

These are ‘intrusive’ interruptions. The power plays. Are they:

• Disagreeing? “No, I don’t think so, I think…”
• Changing topic? “Anyway, did you see..?”
• Talking over? “Yes, I know all about that, for example…”
• Minimizing? “So, basically you mean…”

Peter excelled at all of these.

So how can you take back control and keep it?

Follow these strategies in social gatherings, company meetings, or even those family dinners you can’t avoid.

Protect yourself from Peter!

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How to maintain control

1. Set the tone

How you present yourself influences how others interact with you.

• We are all judged by appearance, so try to appear well-groomed and put together. People will take you more seriously.

2. Your Voice

That’s covered in detail here.

3. Stay focused

Switching off is easy if you’re not getting the chance to speak.

• But do not reach for your phone or allow your attention to drift. These signal you have exited the conversation.
• Pay attention to your body language. Focus, and you will be able to add mini-contributions such as: “No Way!” “Hmm, interesting” “Yes! I saw/read/heard that as well.”
• Laugh when appropriate.

These show your engagement and prime you for more significant contributions.

4. Choose your moment

Learn to identify the right time to enter discussions. This is tricky with groups, as dynamics vary.

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• Restrained groups — It’s easier to spot people pausing and taking turns.
• Livelier groups — you may have to be quick and overlap the end of people’s sentences.
• Try watching YouTube, podcasts, or talk shows with groups chatting. These can help develop your conversational ‘Spidey sense.’
• When those senses tingle, and you see a chance to add something — signal your intent to speak.
• Sit straighter, lean forward, and raise your hand in front of you.
• Say, “Can I add something here?”

You’ve now established that you will be speaking next.

And if the group didn’t hear you? How about the person next to you? Try starting a side discussion.

5. Hold the floor

You’ve got everyone’s attention — now you need to keep it!

• Match the situation and interests of the group. Is everyone jokingly chatting about TV shows? Then, don’t start a lecture on the problems of a post-Brexit Britain (there are too many to count...)
• Don’t ramble. Plan what you want to say and be concise.
• Avoid long pauses while you speak. People will think you’re finished and start talking.
• Share engaging stories, anecdotes, or interesting information to keep people engaged.

6. Protect your turn

Peter is getting frustrated! He wants to cut you off and steal your spotlight.

• Hold up your hand and say in a friendly tone, “Hang on, let me finish. Give me a second.”
• Avoid direct eye contact with people likely to interrupt. They will see this as an invitation to start talking.
• Raise your voice a little to speak over the person trying to interrupt. Project!

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7. Handling it with grace

Sometimes, though, things don’t go well. Don’t despair! This is inevitable. It happens to everyone.

I’ve bombed in front of hundreds of people before. More dead air than a cemetery at midnight.

• If you’re speaking and feel yourself losing the crowd, wrap it up. Acknowledge it and redirect to someone else: “Oh well, this story isn’t as good as I thought. Anyway, what were you going to say before Mary?” (but not Peter!)

8. Address the issue directly

Is the same person still interrupting?

• Talk to them privately about it.

Try:

“I’m sure it isn’t intentional, but you keep interrupting me. I’m interested in what you say, but could you try to be more aware?”

Assume good intentions, but disarm serial interrupters with friendliness.

Even with these strategies, it won’t be perfect every time. Changing communication styles takes practice and persistence.

Remember: Your voice matters. You have something to say.

Don’t let anyone, not even a Peter, silence your contribution.

Take charge of your conversations, assert your presence, and let your voice be heard.

Tired of awkward silence?

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