11~What happened in Orleans

What do you know of it?

We walked to the church breakfast spot and some guy started yelling at us about dog! no! Go! And lots of French words. An English speaker stepped forward and we found a place out of the rain to put Ryger. They offered me a seat at the community table, but I said I’d take my food outside, though wet and cold. They seemed surprised that I didn’t want to leave my dog alone outside while I ate inside {though as I write this some time later, I am doing exactly that, now at the library, where dogs are also not allowed inside; Ryger is tucked in a corner of the building outside under partial awning and umbrellas…} I was much happier next to my dog though than leaving him alone. I don’t ever like to leave him alone. I had heard that France was a dog friendly country, but so far that seems false, aside from that they didn’t even look at our paperwork at the airport and just let him in. (This, after I went into debt with my mother, paying more than $600 for a useless USDA stamped piece of paper. When systems are set up just to scam you, it is incredibly infuriating–common practice in USA, where the normalized corruption of our systems has been widespread).

“MAMA SAYS SLEEP TIGHT”

I don’t ever want to leave Ryger alone, but I feel the need to write, both My Story (this) and continue my writing against the trumpian regime. I don’t want to abandon the fight for my country against them; I never intended to do that. Though sometimes I Feel like I want to just disappear and start a new life somewhere, accepting that I simply don’t have the power to do/accomplish anything, despite how much I’ve tried. 14,000 miles around the country on a bicycle aught to mean a lot, you’d think, right? Plus all the Mountains+Peaks I’ve climbed, and at least the attempt of a Vow of Celibacy for Love, which lasted 2.5 years until… But Lady Orange betrayed me, and cast me aside, which hollowed my Victory and so I lost most of the People who’d started following me. Without a New Beginning with someone else, I’m just this BrokenHearted fool, doing his best to carry His Hero within through this ever darkening world. I’ve maintained My Virtues–I never sold out. You cannot buy Me. But what I can accomplish comes down to others–people won’t follow me, and I won’t follow them. Maybe if I had an actual audience, but instead of growing that has faded over the years, as have I, through my long sad painful pursuit to attain of the bare minimum I Need from women, and not being able to even get that. My bitterness and anger can now be felt in my narratives, while joy and excitement have declined, as my Light has dimmed and my Soul asunder… See, way too negative, right? No one wants to hear that. No one wants to understand the maddening of a man, caused by his natural Need for Love and Fulfillment, from women that are around him often, but always out-of-reach. No one wants to know what it’s like, waking up depressed every day from Dreaming of Her every night and no one next to you in the morning, or suddenly feeling ANGRY and SCREAMING because some gal’s judgmental sideways glance on the sidewalk just triggers you and it HURTS and you can’t get it to stop HURTING and it’s not FAIR and there’s NOTHING you can do. You’re lucky if you get any sympathy, or a dollar…

‘Truly Loving, You just don’t care if They hurt you, ’cause that’s what it means to Love. It’s Beautiful. You can’t escape The Love. You Love it. You Want it. You Choose it. So you get through the down and get back to the Love and try to Save it. You just smile and turn around and say, though pained, Dear… Please take the knife out…’

Having limited of those, we left from the fellowship of the breakfast place to head to the place that gives free lunch we heard about from a Sister there. It’s difficult moving with heavy backpack that’s falling apart, side bag, and an unruly dog that is alarmingly addicted to dog-piss-sniffing. I won’t begrudge readers with the details of that, but suffice to say, our movement is limited as it is frustratingly painful. I can get about 1 mile before my left shoulder aches from the imbalanced straps, which I’ve yet to figure out how to fix, and my patience with Ryger pulling, pegging, screaming, pulling backwards, charging, and of course, shitting, wears embarrassingly thin. I don’t want to be mad at my dog. I don’t want to be fuming at the difficulty of my position and my Life and Dreams being, essentially, “canceled.” I don’t want to be seething at not being able to get what I Need from women no matter what I do nor how hard I try.

“It’s like being in love with a woman. She can be unfaithful, she can be mean, she can be cruel, but it doesn’t matter. If you love her, you want her, even though she can do you all kinds of harm.” ~Floyd Patterson

It happened again in Paris, just as it had a few years ago in New York City on Valentine’s Day. I thought being there in that city at that time would have been magical, and some wondrous connection might have occurred. What did occur instead; I spent hours passing out food+supplies to people in Need on the street. At one point, right on 5th Ave not far from Grand Central, just as I handed food to someone in Need sitting on the sidewalk, the Timing oh-so Divine, I held my breath as a Dream Gal just happened to be approaching… and walked right on by, without even noticing either of our existences. Such is the case hundreds of times–Sister Cayden was the only gal in Paris that I connected with–only two others even ‘saw’ me. Eye Contact. mmm. That’s better than zero. There’s Hope, I guess. But carrying this is so detrimental to My Success, My Health, My Joy, My Life. It takes over my thoughts just as it takes over my writing. What was I writing about, before another tirade about it? Oh yeah — How lovely it is walking around Oreleans. I’ve had astounding adventures in the new one, so I was looking forward to seeing the original. The buildings do look just like the French Quarter, though the vibe of the city is as far apart as the cities themselves.

♪Chrono Cross — Radical Dreams — The Star Stealing Girl♪

Lady Green had ran off with another man there, years ago. I’d chased Her to the End of The World but she was more interested in the poison. I did Everything I could to help her, at least, and I’m Proud of that, through all the voices telling me to abandon her, but when she started doin’ the poison with some other dude and just wanted me to go, well then I started thinkin’ of Lady Orange, and questionin’ what I was even doin’ there. It’s thanks to me that her Little Sister could find her and then successfully pulled her out of that. She’s never been Grateful, but I at least found My Closure, and upheld My Pride. The Good Kind; the Feeling Good about Yourself because You did the Right thing, for Love, kind. Soon after all that was when I made that Vow of Celibacy for Lady Orange, to Prove My Strength and Sincerity to Her, and to Everyone.

*Just some tragic backstory no big deal.*

Anyways, that’s what happened in New Orleans.