The Art of Beginning Again

From high school graduation, to military service, to federal employment, to retirement: Starting over became my most reliable skill

Photo by Claudio Schwarz on Unsplash

Retirement is almost like starting over. Of course, not in the sense that you’re back at square one with nothing, but in the sense of stepping into a new version of yourself. It’s a reinvention of sorts. I’ve gone back to the drawing board several times, and this feels similar, but different.

Graduating from high school and enlisting in the military were my first big reinventions — the first of many ‘redos’ in my book of life. Leaving home to enter the ‘real world’ was an awakening. I was tossed into the fire called ‘Basic Training’, but I adapted and began my new identity as an Airman.

What I didn’t realize then was that the military wasn’t just teaching me discipline. It was also teaching me how to stay calm under pressure. That skill would become a constant companion.

Fast forward to my Honorable Discharge, which seems like it was just yesterday. I was stationed at Maxwell Air Force Base in Montgomery, Alabama, and decided that Atlanta, Georgia, was where I wanted to be.

Up to that point, the Air Force was all I had known. It laid the foundation for my fluid & flexible mindset, but I was ready for something different. The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” era was testing my resolve and stressing me out.

On to the next chapter.

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During my last few years in the military, I worked part-time as a security officer at the mall. With that job, I was able to transfer to an Atlanta location. At least I’d be employed when starting over in Atlanta.

The work problem was solved, but once there, I was rebuilding my life from scratch yet again. I remember being painfully lonely for months until I began to make friends. Loneliness hits hard when you’re young.

You don’t realize how much you rely on your circle of friends to contribute to your moods. Not so much now, but back then, socializing felt like part of my DNA.

I was persistent, though. I attended meet-up events, went out on my own, and ran road races. I visited places I might not have otherwise gone in search of friends. It was tough, but ten years later, I had built a complete life, filled with friends, in my new city.

While there, I worked many jobs — pharmacy tech, courier, security, UPS, retail — until I turned my passion into a full-time job. I became a certified fitness trainer and began my own business. That reinvention deserves its own chapter, but not today.

Despite the feast-or-famine nature of personal training, my business thrived. I trained clients at several gyms & studios, and even trained a few in their own homes. It can be a tough business sometimes, but it was mine, and it was what I loved, so it wasn’t really work.

My friend Ann, who was also a personal trainer, decided to put in for a government job in Washington, DC. She applied for a police officer position at the Pentagon. We were both Law Enforcement Specialists in the Air Force, so she shared the job announcement with me and encouraged me to apply.

I did. Months passed while I kept training clients, and I totally forgot about the police job. However, the timing was perfect. After considering my options, I decided to accept the position at the Pentagon.

Rebirth #3… or maybe 4. I lost track. I moved in with Ann while attending the Police Academy, which led to my 30-year career. That was in 2005, and now I am starting over as a retiree. How time flies!

It’s been a little over one year. Initially, all I wanted to do was whatever I wanted to do that didn’t consist of working. Retirement is great!

Tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.

~Mary Oliver

I volunteered at the Humane Society, got another dog of my own, traveled to spend time with mom, vacationed in places I’ve been wanting to go, rearranged the house, and all of those things you do when you finally have time to do them.

Now, I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this transition. It feels similar to all the other times I’ve started over. This time, I’m settled, I have my friends and familiar places, but it’s still a bit like rebuilding my life.

What do I want to do?

What do you do when nothing is forcing you to do anything? There are many things I’d like to do, while I’m also quite comfortable with not wanting to do anything. It’s quite a conundrum.

Every reinvention before this one came with urgency. Whenever I moved, I needed a new job and a new identity to grow into. Retirement is sneaky. You don’t have to do anything. It hands you free time and asks what you’re going to do with it.

I do know that retirement isn’t the end of my story. It’s simply the next reinvention. I can be intentional about shaping it into whatever it is I want it to be. The question is, what will that be?

I’ve never been afraid of starting over, but some days I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a wide-open field with no map, no compass, no orders, and no deadlines. Sometimes, having too many options can be more detrimental than having too few. Analysis paralysis.

We’ll see what happens.

I don’t know exactly what I want to do yet. But every time I’ve started over, I’ve eventually found my footing. And I will again. Reinvention isn’t new to me. It’s who I’ve always been.

Edrika Gutierrez, a retired law enforcement captain, loves coffee, her dog Teddy, and fitness. She explores a wide range of themes through personal reflections drawn from her own life and things that interest her. Stay in Touch!