From Cruel to Downright Kinky. The Sex Life of Spiders

These guys have some of the wildest sex lives on the planet

Photo by Jackie Best on Unsplash

My wife is fairly egalitarian when it comes to most roles around the house. I am entitled to wash the dishes, take out the garbage, and mow the lawn with as much right as any woman would be, and perhaps even a little more. When it comes to spiders trapped in the bath or the sink, however, sexual equality is abandoned as that role falls squarely into the male domain. It is down to me to carefully trap the unfortunate creature in a jar for release into the great outdoors. The threat doesn’t come from the spider, but rather from my wife should I botch the operation.

Arachnophobia is one of the most common and widely spread anxiety disorders.

That is a shame because most spiders are perfectly harmless and many of them are stunningly beautiful, although I suppose beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

There are 50 000 different species of spider on the planet so it is a pity they are not more widely appreciated. That number keeps growing as new species are discovered on a regular basis. Spiders are found on every continent with the exception of Antarctica. They range in size from the almost invisible, right through to the size of a dinner plate, with reproduction methods that vary incredibly.

Courtship rituals also range widely. Gentle tapping on a strand of silk, sensual massage, exotic dances, or carefully wrapped nuptial gifts are just some of the ploys a male spider might resort to in order to enjoy a moment of romantic bliss. Some spiders even sing love songs inaudible to the human ear. They serenade their would-be paramour by tapping or scraping body parts together in an effort to persuade her that they would make the perfect partner.

No matter where you live, you will almost definitely be sharing your accommodation with one kind of spider or another. Our homes offer ideal conditions for many species. The one that we are all familiar with is most likely to be the daddy long legs, that tall skinny dude who seems to be able to rebuild his web faster than we can dust or vacuum them away.

Photo by Filipe Resmini on Unsplash

There are more than two thousand types of daddy long legs.

Though you may have heard that they are among the most venomous spiders in the world, that is pure urban legend. Even if one were to bite you, it is highly unlikely, given the minute size of his jaws, that you would suffer any adverse effects.

That daddy long legs lurking in your cellar or the corner of the ceiling might look somewhat boring, but there are other spiders who are considerably more colorful in appearance.

The tiny peacock jumping spiders (Maratus) native to Australia come in an extraordinary array of eye-catching colors.

When the male encounters a female, he displays his colors by flashing his luminescent abdomen. He augments the performance by waving his legs in the air and vibrating his body in a ritual that might go on for as long as thirty minutes. This display is often assumed to be a form of courtship dance. If the female is impressed, she will allow the male to mate with her. If not . . . well, she’ll probably eat him alive.

Scientists suggest that the dance is less of a courtship ritual and more a proof of identity. Aware of her volatile personality, the male tries to make sure his would-be mate recognizes that he is of the same species and has popped in for a moment of intimacy, as opposed to being an edible delicacy.

The redback spider (Lactrodectus hasselti) will court a would-be mate for as long as four and a half hours prior to making his move.

This foreplay is important, though he will drop this wooing time down to a few minutes if he thinks there is competition in the vicinity. The female, always unpredictable, may devour him after intercourse anyway, but only if she is feeling particularly peckish and in need of a little extra nourishment.

In an effort to improve their chances of an intimate encounter, some species of male spider will resort to wrapping a gift in silk for the lady of his choice. The idea is that he would have his way with her while she is busy unwrapping her present. Etiquette suggests the gift should be an insect or fly ─ a small moth perhaps.

Inevitably, some cheapskate lotharios will wrap a piece of leaf or bark and present that in the hope of scurrying away before the fraud is discovered. They had better have their timing perfect or they could well become the next meal on the duped female’s menu. Hell has no fury like a lady who has been deceived.

Not every species of female spider gets to have things their own way. The male nursery spider (Pisaurina mira) engages in a cunning form of bondage. Before mating, he tenderly ties the female in silk so that he can sneak away once the deed is done and before she decides to get all moody and aggressive.

Nearly all male spiders ejaculate onto a premade sperm web prior to seeking out a mate. They then collect the sperm on their front appendages and insert them into the female genital opening or epigyne. In some cases, where a female has mated with several different males, she may hold the sperm of all of them in her womb and use her favorite for fertilization at a later stage.

I hope this little snippet of information encourages a greater interest in spiders and that you look at them a little differently from now on.