For Those Who Have Been Abused

Any photos I use for any of my stories are always edited and taken by me. Any similarity to other photos is due to them being of nature itself. Nature can repeat the same beautiful pattern in other places.

I’ve heard a lot of things over the years.

“Don’t play the victim,” is one of them, along with,”It wasn’t that bad.”

It was that bad. While I agree that it’s good to remove yourself from victim mentality, you were hurt. You were put through things that no one deserves. You do deserve to heal from that, and you do deserve to have closure.

The unfortunate part is that not everyone will even feel bad for their actions nor will they ever apologize for what they’ve done. And, it’s okay to feel enraged by that. Your feelings matter. You matter. And, you don’t owe them forgiveness. **It is up to them to apologize to do the work, **not you.

You never deserved what you were put through, especially at a young age. You weren’t “too much.” You aren’t a burden. You are not what others have said about you. You are not “beyond redemption”, for those with religious trauma. You are not the cause of their behavior. **They made the choices that they did, regardless of trauma or pain on their own end. **That isn’t your fault.

Their actions remain their own. You are worthy of beautifully, wonderful things. You deserve a life with peace and joy. You deserve better than what they put you through, and always have. It’s kind to empathize with them. It’s kind to want to understand, but you don’t owe them anything. They hurt you, and it’s understandable to not want them back in your life.

There will be those who don’t care to hear your side of things for a variety of reasons. There will be those who don’t believe your side of the story, and for any reason. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t owe anyone anything. You have been through things no one deserves to go through, and it has changed you. It’s not going to be the same, and neither will you.

It doesn’t need to be a bad thing. As someone who has been through things I don’t wish on anyone, I know the feeling. There are times I feel like a monster because I have had poor behavior due to my own trauma. I’ve behaved in ways that others don’t understand, and still don’t. There are times when I feel bad for others behavior because I still feel like it’s my fault. I still struggle with things that I wish I didn’t, and guilt is one of them. I feel like I was too much, especially inner child wise. It hurts beyond words, and I don’t know what to do sometimes. I feel so trapped, and stuck in my own wounding that even self-care is hard because I feel like I deserve the worst.

Does that make it true? No, but it is how I feel sometimes. There are good and bad days. It’s hard some days to even get up because all I want to do is sleep the pain away. I know the feeling of wanting to just sink into the ground and disappear, especially right now. So, please know that your feelings matter. What you do with them matters as well.

It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to not be okay. Even those who seem like they have everything together are struggling in some way. It’s just that not all of us talk about it, and it’s okay to be private as well. It’s okay to keep to yourself. It’s okay to need time to recover.

Give yourself that time recover. Give back to yourself and give yourself time. Healing is messy and it does take time. We all have different experiences and things we’ve endured. We’ve changed from these things as well. It does hurt knowing those old parts of us no longer exist, especially when we endured so much as a child.

It’s painful, and there’s grief in that. There’s a lot of complexities to situations, and it does hurt. There are many possibilities in life. The sad truth is that trauma does cost us those possibilities. Unfortunately, people can get away with things or seem to from the surface. We never truly see if others are held accountable, so do keep that in mind. It’s understandable to feel angry and want who you were back, but remember that you can change. You can heal from this, and things do get better.

You will find that things do improve with time, and how you handle the situation. It’s painful to heal and look these things in the eyes, but it’s worth it. Just remember that you aren’t a burden. You aren’t too much, and you are deserving of love among much more. You are lovable, even as you are now. You’re rebuilding, and that’s what matters. Just remember to embody what you’ve learned and keep to your boundaries. What you do next does matter.

Thank you for not giving up on yourself. Thank you for listening and even wanting to heal because I can’t say that for everyone. Thank you to all of you who keep going because that takes a kind of strength that not everyone talks about. It is possible to rebuild and rise from pain, so thank you for the effort you put in.

You were never responsible for their actions. You are never responsible for the actions of others. You can only control your actions and how you respond, so focus on you and what is important to you. That is how you rebuild. Focus on you. Love yourself, even when it’s hard.

There will be rough days. There will be times you have to let go of who you were or who you thought someone was, but it’s worth it. I can promise you that. I’ve been there. I’ve been the one looking at who I could have been had I not been abused. I have mourned how happy I could have been years ago, but that’s not what happened. It’s painful. It’s hard to see some days because I know there are possibilities, and many of them.

When you feel that, remember that you aren’t alone. I’m sorry that you had to be strong when you deserved love and support. You always deserve better than what you endured, and always will. So, please give back to yourself. Thank you for listening.

You matter, and always have.