Liking a strange and mean guy

Liking a strange and mean guy

As an 18 year old girl I do almost feel as if this was my duty .

However this did start around a year ago but I choose not to believe that he has been a factor in my mind for that long .

This time last year I started a brand new job in a completely new sector which I had no knowledge of . Me and two others were hired to be trained up and being a completely lost 17 year old I thought this was the perfect time to take up something completely new . Work from the ground up , occupy my mind with something completely new . I was so excited but this very quickly dwindled .

My first day I met with the two new starters . One a 16 year old boy , he was short and fat and had apparently owned his own business from being around 9 , he could never tell a convincing lie . He made sure to mention this to everyone within 2 seconds of meeting them . He had no sense of social etiquette and continued to embarrass himself consistently throughout the whole time I knew him . Being in a male dominated space made him act up which meant he was always attempting to making fun of me. thankfully he was painfully unfunny and slowly but surely learned to just shut up .

The other a 21 year old guy , likewise he was short but extremely thin and covered in gothic style tattoos . He was awkward but very funny and had the ability to make every kind of person laugh no matter what . He spoke no more than two words to me for the entirety of the first week we worked together . It was almost as if his eyes had been fused to his phone screen , consistently glancing down as if he looked away he would burst into flames . His life really did seem to depend on it . I asked for his number 3 days disguising it as sending him work stuff but mainly I liked his unkept mullet and apparently the fact that it looked like it physically pained him to speak to me .

I basically forced him to speak to me , day in day out . He very slowly but surely began to answer my messages . We wouldn’t always work together but I still apparently felt the need to hear from him every single day so I ensured I had an excuse to text . He made me laugh constantly, I’d never had that before which really didn’t help my case .

We started to message every single day with no breaks , it created a false sense of intimacy. It carried on for months upon months but at work , nothing . We would sometimes cross eachothers path and nothing more than a smile or slight laugh would be shared . I’d say hi or mention him to co — workers . How’s he getting on with the new project ? Have u seen him around the office ? Everyone always spoke of him positively, this only worsened it for me .

Slowly his texts turned from how was work to cruel jokes . Picking on me every chance he had or even if he didn’t Have a chance . He would make something up just to call me . I’m too tall , too skinny , too stupid . They’ll fire u soon surely . Ur no good at this job . The lads on site take the mick out of you .

Set me up with one of ur friends , if u have any that is .

I hated this one the most .

Somehow My sweet delusion morphed these words into normality. The mind definitely works in mysterious ways . I convinced myself that these messages were nothing more than friendly jokes . He’s funny , I love that . He texts me constantly, he wouldn’t do that if he was completely uninterested. Would he ?

I took everything speck of confidence I had in my body and sent it .

I want to see u sometime ?

Whenever u want .

A half arsed answer that I’m not sure why I didn’t expect. I re read it multiple times . My likeness to him wanted to think that this answer was basically a yes and maybe he’s just an awkward boy who’s scared of rejection so doesn’t want to give me a definitive answer . However deep down my body knew , this was a way of telling me no but also saying I want u on the back burner . You should stay right there just incase I never find anyone else in the next couple of years , I can fall back onto you or perhaps even that’s wishful thinking . Maybe it’s more like , stay there so I can make fun of u and make myself feel better .

When I turned 18 I began going out , he knew , I would tell him . Show me ur outfit ? Where are u going ? Who u going out with ?

I liked it , specks of attention was really what kept me going here but along with this brought more jokes but they were worse this time around and still are .

Unfortunately for everyone involved this is an ongoing issue I am currently living through . I know how it’ll end . We will slowly stop speaking and I will spend weeks wondering what is possibly so wrong with me . I will mourn this very tiny connection we have even though I know it means and is absolutely nothing . We will never meet up or have a real lengthy conversation at work . These men just aren’t interested in doing so and I must accept so but I evidently won’t .

I truly believe everyone should live through a strange and mean man just so we know how good we’ve got it when they eventually ditch us .

Hopefully it’ll make me deal with the next one slightly better .

I know it won’t . I rarely ever learn from mistakes.