When My Job Disappeared, So Did the Plan

Relief, fear, and everything in between

Photo by Ngo Ngoc Khai Huyen on Unsplash

I pulled up my calendar and deleted a shift without thinking — because I no longer had that job.

Relief hit me. I didn’t have the pressure of going out and doing this job. I could stay home with my kids, do crafts, play in the backyard.

And then it hit me — oh. That also means I’m not going to get paid. Could we live okay without this income? Would we have to change our living situation? So much unknown stress, but I still couldn’t help but feel happy.

The bittersweet recognition bounced like a ping pong ball in my brain.

I keep thinking about all the things my job gave us — or all the things it took away.

Last year, even though I was with my kids, the job that took me out of the house meant everything had to be planned on time and done right. We had to meticulously document it. One error could have dire consequences.

The year before, when I didn’t have the job, we stayed in and played water balloons in the backyard. Squirt gun fights. Dump trucks. The kids loved being the garbage collector and would collect ‘trash and recycling’ — aka rocks — up in their little Radio Flyer tricycle with the bucket in the back. Just being in our own space — without the pressure to go out and make the job work.

So even though my job is gone, relief and sadness hit at the same time. Each one sitting with me at different times.

And if one day it comes back, it will still be a blessing. It will help our family in different ways.

For now, I’ll leave the schedule open and let us grow into our new life.

Subscribe here to see more stories like this!