TAMAR OF 2 SAMUEL 13

PART TWO — -After the Rape and Summary

We can guess at Tamar’s thoughts at this point. She probably thought something like, “How could this be happening to me? Amnon is my brother; I can’t believe he would do such a thing.” It is a shock to women when men try to rape them. Unless women have been captured in war situations most women do not go around expecting to be raped. Their innocence in this matter puts them in such danger. They do not realize that they are Satan’s enemy, and that he can attack at any time. For this very reason women must learn to put themselves constantly under the protection of God, and make a habit of calling upon Him when trials come their way. Why should this habit be developed? Just like Tamar, when the attack comes, in a state of shock we will try to deliver ourselves rather than call upon our source of protection; because we have not developed the habit of availing ourselves of God’s protection and provision.

We need to look closely at Tamar’s attempts to deliver herself out of this horrible situation. First, she tried to use reason, and an appeal to his sense of right and wrong. She subtly attempted to diffuse his hurt male ego by explaining that her reason for saying no is not because she is rejecting him, but only wants to abide by the rules of the society they lived in. Tamar’s appeal concerning her reproach was a reminder that Amnon is supposed to “love” her. If he loved her he wouldn’t do this to her. Tamar used good words in her situation. Any other time when a woman realizes that a man is becoming too attracted to her, before he gets out of control, these types of words will work. This appeal allows him to accept “no” and keep his ego in tact. These words indicate that were it not for the limits of society and a sense of morality Tamar would choose to be with him. This way a man does not feel a personal sense of rejection, and the woman is elevated in his eyes as a woman of worth. But this appeal to reason and conscience will not work in a rape situation, because by that point the man has lost all ability to reason.

Secondly, Tamar tries is to put forth an alternative solution to his desire. She proposed that he make an attempt to get their father’s permission for marriage. This way he can fulfill his desire properly with no shame for her. This, again, is an ego saving tactic. Were Amnon not her half-brother; and were she not in a rape situation, it would do much to put off the desire of a man who truly loved her. Of course we have already seen that should they marry they would have been cut off from the people of Israel and Amnon could not look forward to inheriting the throne. As for Tamar though, this alternative was preferable to rape, and it was worth a try. Tamar didn’t understand that when a man is unable to control his sexual urges he looses all reason. His mind cannot dwell on anything except sexual release, and the expected pleasure of it. The only thing that will bring him back to reality is a good, heavy dose of pain in the groin area. It may make him mad, but the lust that has taken over will leave. (In case you don’t know it ladies, men can be hurt easily in their genitals. God made them this way to give us a chance when we are attacked.)

Third, Tamar struggled. How do we know that she struggled? Notice that the scripture makes a point of saying that, “since he was stronger than she.” Tamar did not want to give up her virginity, and it is obvious that she was being violated AGAINST HER WILL. No matter what mistakes got her into this situation; NOTHING gave Amnon the right to rape her. This is a totally despicable act. Did Tamar’s reasoning, alternative solution or struggles saved her? Obviously they did not. Should she have tried to use them? Very definitely, the answer is yes. Women should use all that they have at their disposal to repel the attack of rape. Any woman that doesn’t resist is found guilty before God. This principle is found in Deuteronomy chapter 22. Never mind what TV movies or shows portray, or the advice of lawmen that tell women to submit without a struggle to rapists. We must listen to what God in his word says about rape.

DEUTERONOMY 22:23–27

23. If there is a girl who is a virgin engaged to a man, and another man finds her in the city and lies with her,

24. then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city and you shall stone them to death; the girl, because she did not cry out in the city and the man, because he has violated his neighbor’s wife. Thus you shall purge the evil from among you. [Underlining mine]

25. But if in the field the man finds the girl who is engaged, and the man forces her and lies with her, then only the man who lies with her shall die.

26. But you shall do nothing to the girl; there is no sin in the girl worthy of death, for just as a man rises against his neighbor and murders him, so is this case.

27. When he found her in the field, the engaged girl cried out, but there was no one to save her. [Underling mine]

Obviously, this passage speaks about “engaged” virgins, but the principle remains the same. The girl had the responsibility to cry out for help. She has to not want to be raped, and this can only be done by resistance.

With the above scripture in mind what could Tamar have done that she did not do? The Bible gives no record that she cried out for help. She was in the city of Jerusalem because that is where David lived at this time. Of course the only people close were the servants of Amnon and maybe they would not have helped her, but she needed to cry out regardless. The MOST important thing that she should and could have done was to CRY OUT TO GOD FOR HELP. This crying out cannot be emphasized enough. Maybe there will not be men around that will help, but a woman caught unawares by a man with the intention of rape is never alone if she knows her Savior. This emphasizes the importance of developing a practice of relying on God constantly in the life of women. The shock of rape will remove most rational thought. A woman doesn’t have time to stop and consider what she will do. The habit of calling on God, and the pre-determined decision that she will resist becomes her hope of deliverance. ALL WOMEN MUST UNDERSTAND THAT THEY CANNOT DELIVER THEMSELVES. Tamar tried and it didn’t work for her.

I know of two women who have had the attack of rape. Both of them had developed the habit of calling on God immediately in all of their trials of life. When their attacks came, without stopping to think they both started praying for help. One tells me that she was given strength she didn’t know she possessed. The other tells me she was told what to do to escape. They are both confident they would not have been delivered from the situation had they not prayed and resisted the attacker. Rape attacks can happen to any woman. Just because we are Christians does not make us immune to rape attacks. Satan hates Christian women with a greater hatred because we have given our lives to Christ. However, Christian women who have developed the habit of relying on deliverance from God in their day to day trials will be prepared to meet his attack. Those who have not will be unprepared. God may deliver them in grace, yet there is a high probability the attack will be successful because they were not in the habit of calling on God.

2 SAMUEL 13:15–17

15. Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up, go away!

16. But she said to him, “No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me!” Yet he would not listen to her.

17. Then he called his young man who attended him and said, “Now throw this woman out of my presence, and lock the door behind her.”

We should try to understand Tamar’s thinking after her rape. Why would Tamar want Amnon to keep her and not send her away? One would think that the last thing on earth she would want is to have anything to do with a man that had raped her. Tamar understood something that has been lost on the society of the United States today. The first sexual union between a man and a woman binds them in a unique way. God makes this very clear in the Mosaic Law.

DEUTERONOMY 22:28–29:

28. If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered.

29. then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days.

Can you imagine that God’s Mosaic Law required that the man who raped an unmarried woman to be married? As we saw in the previous scripture about rape of an engaged or married woman the penalty was death for the woman and man, unless the woman resisted. However, the man would be put to death regardless. By putting the man to death the woman becomes as a widow, and thus is free from the sexual joining relationship. Yet in this scripture God only required marriage. God never intended that a woman be joined with more than one man EVER. Does this seem harsh on the woman who was violated? Humanly speaking it does. Only by faith can we accept this law as just. When we start to cry “unfair” we are calling God unfair and this cannot be. Remember the Tamar of Genesis 38 and how God removed Er because he was evil? To assume that marriage to a rapist would be in a position of “no hope” would be to refuse to recognize the existence of God’s power in our behalf. We can’t say what He will do because we are finite. We can, with confidence, know that as long as we turn to Him, He will execute justice in our behalf.

Amnon’s refusal and hatred of Tamar effected the ultimate rape. Amnon used Tamar’s body and then discarded her as a person. Notice though, that Amnon “would not listen to her,” just as he did not listen to the reasoning she gave him before the rape. One can just feel the venom of the serpent in how he speaks to her. We can feel the coldness of his actions in having her thrown out. Ladies, the story of Tamar’s rape and Amnon’s consequent actions reveals how Satan truly feels about us. He wants us to suffer, and he wants us degraded and discarded by mankind. Satan has no conscience about what he does to us just like Amnon had no conscience about what he did to Tamar. When a woman confronts a rapist she ultimately confronts Satan and his attack on women. Satan is smart. He helps us use our sexuality to get to men. Then he takes our arrogant use of our sexuality and turns it against us. This fact explains why it is so important for women to have the protection of God that comes through faith. Without faith we will not use the protection that God gives us.

2 SAMUEL 13:18–19

18. Now she had on a long-sleeved garment; for in this manner the virgin daughters of the king dressed themselves in robes. Then his attendant took her out and locked the door behind her.

19. And Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her long-sleeved garment which was on her; and she put her hand on ‘her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.

Tamar’s actions were those of a woman mourning for her husband. Since Amnon had rejected her and thrown her out she was in mourning. She mourned the loss of her virginity, and the rejection that came afterward from someone that was supposed to love her. Please notice that the scripture says, “crying ALOUD as she went.” Her pain of soul was too deep to hide. We can’t flirt with danger without exposing ourselves to this type of pain. We see what a high price is paid for making some foolish choices back when this could have all been avoided. What a high price to pay for trying to deliver herself instead of crying out for help. Girls and women need to learn the lesson of Tamar.

2 SAMUEL 13:20–21

20. Then Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now keep silent, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart.” So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.

21. Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry.

22. But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad, for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.

As we saw in the historical background this rape became part of the discipline that God promised David. Even so, we need to see the results that directly affected Tamar. She still did what she did during the rape — tried to find a human solution. Instead of going to her father, who had the authority and power to make Amnon marry her or execute justice in her behalf, she went to her brother. What’s more, she apparently followed his advice to keep quiet about the rape. TAMAR made the choice of who she went to after her rape. SHE made the choice to keep quiet about the matter. Granted it was advice given by her brother, but it was her choice as to whether to follow it or not. Consequently, nothing was done in her behalf for two years.[i] Ladies, we must understand that God gives us an authority to go to. When we try to by-pass our authorities we remove ourselves from their protection and His.

We know from verse 21 that King David did find out about the rape and he was angry. If Tamar followed Absalom’s advice, and we have no reason to believe that she didn’t, then a period of time passed before David found out about this incident. Naturally we assume that he was angry with Amnon. But what about the fact that Tamar did not go to him? By her not coming to her father David, who was her real authority, she rejected any justice he might have given her. Since Tamar rejected her father, apparently King David did not execute any justice in her behalf. We as women are so blessed by God in that He not only gives us human authorities to whom we can go, but He gives us the added protection of His divine justice. If our human authorities fail us, and they will, He will always be there for us. Yet, when we reject the authorities that He provides for us, we reject Him. Women who do not report their rape are rejecting the authority of Law Enforcement. Who gave us our government? According to Romans 13:1 we know that God has established all the governments that exist. If God established them and we don’t use them, who are we rejecting?

SUMMARY:

The picture of rape illustrates what Satan does to the unbelieving world. He uses trickery to get them where he wants them, and then uses and discards them. Just as the woman has no hope of delivering herself without calling upon God, so the world cannot deliver itself without calling upon God. Thanks be to God that the victory over Satan has been won by His Son, Jesus Christ. And, this same victory becomes ours through faith in Jesus Christ. All believing women need to understand that because they are in Christ they have the same power to conquer Satan. How is this done? James 4:7 tells us:

JAMES 4:7 — Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Please understand that unless we submit to God we cannot resist the devil. In and of ourselves we are totally unable to win in a battle with Satan. But when we submit to God, and rely on His strength He gives us the same strength Christ used to conquer death and Satan. Because we have Christ we as Christian women can survive Satan’s attack through the world today.

In this summary we need to outline what has been learned from the story of Tamar and her rape and the succeeding events. God put this story in His Word, not just to be a story, but from which to learn. Rape is ugly, but we all know it happens. No woman alive today can be exempt from the attack of rape of her person. Through Tamar, hopefully, we have learned what to do.

1. Be aware of the men that have an attraction to you. Don’t be paranoid assuming that they are all going to rape you. However, any man could be a potential rapist, so just be aware of the ones showing you the extra attention.

2. Be aware that innocent flirtations can mean more to the man then they do to you. Understand that some men will take flirtations as a “come on” rather than what you intend for them to be.

3. Watch for situations out of the norm involving men that have shown an attraction for you. Especially when these situations will put you in closer proximity than would be normal. When these situations do occur start praying to God for guidance. The situation may be perfectly innocent, but your prayers will show God your willingness to trust Him.

4. Don’t assume all men are gentlemen. Realize that even friends and relatives could become rapist. The relationships and laws will not prevent rape attacks. The rapist will not come up to you beforehand and say, “I am a rapist.” Just like Satan he will appear very nice before his true colors are shown.

5. Keep your fathers, husbands or whatever male authority you have informed on the men in your life. Let them be the vehicle of God’s protection for you. Trust them to discern other males and their ultimate motives. Only men can fathom the motives of other men. Also, when you do this it is pleasing to God. It tells God that you trust Him by using the authority He gave you.

6. Avoid situations of being totally alone with men that are attracted to you. By being totally alone means to go to an apartment or house where no one else is there. Try always to make sure there is someone within “calling out” distance that could hear you.

7. When you are planning in being in the company of a male that is attracted to you be sure you take God with you. Talk to God before you go and ask for His protection. THIS WILL NEVER FAIL YOU. When you go out He will always be with you.

8. If the rape attack occurs — cry out. First cry out to God and then to anyone within hearing distance. DO NOT SUBMIT TO IT. If your plan is to submit then you are telling God and the rapist you do not mind being raped. Struggle as hard as you can. Fear being raped more than pain or death. Make this decision before the attack occurs.

9. Report to the authorities any rape attack. Just as Satan cannot operate where God’s Word illumines the souls of men, so the rapist cannot continue when his activities are brought to light.

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You may also want to read “Understanding of Sex from the Word of God”: click here

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[i] See complete 13th chapter of 2 Samuel. Absalom murders Amnon during a festival two years later. David banished Absalom for his crime, but relented later and let him return to Israel.