Cathexis

Cathexis

Photo by Brennan Burling on Unsplash

my stomach is the death knell of all my hopes and dreams as i ache and hunger for a final Absolution that never comes

even as i pour my heart and soul onto the pages still waiting unread i feel the dynamo of ache building up once again catapulting me

back into another mad dash to fill it up with Something i can’t hope to know or even just make sense of

i find myself reeling in the black hole of my desire outstretching my arms with all my might and strength to

desire better and not the quick fix of another drunken night high off endless sticks of cigarettes and the paid attention of strangers

i want to feel whole but this aching emptiness builds from the vomit on the page and sticky floors of bars and clubs and bistros

i don’t know what you want from me what satisfaction could possibly mend this black hole in my soul ripping

all the mass and light as soon as they appear on the horizon dawn of my soul — i just want happiness to stay a moment longer

is this it — is this all there is life a constant battle between filling up and letting go why can’t i just be enough

for once in my life