dad, you are a vague thing that i hold on to

dad, you are a vague thing that i hold on to

In moments in my life, there are bits that filled with you. From the time I was soundly in your arms, then I started to walk holding your hand, to the moment I walked behind you, watching you closely and admired my hero.

But somehow the time stopped. My mind was shaken by memories that seem like a sin to remember. You started to look everything but kind, neither near loving. That moment, I could feel an ache in my heart. Was I to blame? Was I ungrateful? Tell me.

Then I got the answer. You have found something that is better, more valuable, more precious than I ever be. I understand it all now.

It might sound foolish, but somehow, in all this mess, I’m still tangled up with the version of you as my dad. I’m not sad, but I’m mad that even when you have abandoned this soul that is one of yourself, I still feel the warmth of your care.

Dad, I wish you well. I wish you can turn your head back and look at me for once, as your child. I love you, Dad. My hope for you will never die.