Stories from a Good Place

We do not know a lot about animals in what we think of as heaven, or the New Earth.

Some moderns call it A Good Place.

We are told the lion will not bite, and the wolf will lie down with the lamb.

There may be some other strange pairings as well.

A man like Charles Darwin might have fun trying to figure out what the teeth of the lion and wolf might look like.

Might they have teeth like a cow, a confirmed herbivore?

Presumably there will be no killing in the Good Place.

There will be no need for canine teeth.

So what about claws for the lion?

It would have no need for such, either.

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Maybe it’d have hooves like a cow or horse.

Or like a zebra or lechwe.

We might have difficulty recognizing it as a lion as such.

We are told a little child will lead them.

Will that little child eventually grow up to be an adult?

What then?

Below is an envisioned conversation between various animals mentioned in Holy Writ as having spoken.

Or maybe capable of having spoken.

Nothing should be construed from this.

This is a conversation that may happen in the future.

Or not.

I do not pretend this is not a fable.

“And there I was, flying on wings like those of a dragonfly, when something suddenly happened,” said a snake.

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“The garden was peaceful and beautiful. Everything was just right. The devil made me do it. Truly.”

“Do what?” asked a donkey.

Balaam’s donkey.

“Tempt the first woman. Tempt Eve.”

“Didn’t you have any say in the matter?”

“Well, no. If had, I would have said ‘No.’ At least I like to think I would have had the good sense to do that.”

“What happened?”

“I think I lost my voice. Which, for me, would have been unusual. I do like to talk.”

“Like now.”

“Although I don’t talk much anymore. I haven’t spoken in centuries.

“At that time, I think my Maker allowed someone else to speak through me,” hissed the snake.

“You expect me to believe that?” The donkey gave a snort.

Which came out more like a bray.

“I don’t have any other way of explaining it. After it happened I no longer had wings. I was condemned to spend my life crawling on the ground. Which I hated.”

The snake darted its forked tongue in and out, testing its olfaction.

It glanced down to where wings used to be.

“But I think maybe I got off easy. Adam and Eve were cursed, too, and banished from the Garden. They may have had it harder.”

The snake raised its head and turned to the donkey.

“Well, what’s your story, ass? You don’t mind my calling you an ass, do you?”

“Actually I do mind. But I forgive you. You’re merely quoting Holy Writ.

“I have a story that’s just as unbelievable.”

“Do tell.”

“I was being ridden by a minor prophet. He was on his way to deliver blessings on the enemy. His name was Balaam.”

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“So far everything’s credible.”

“Wait. It gets better. I saw something. It was an angel.”

“Now THAT is hard to believe. Hardly anyone sees angels. At least as far as we know. They seem largely invisible.”

“We see more than we let on. But there it was. With a sword no less.

“But Balaam didn’t see the angel. Three times he smote me when I turned aside. I think but for me the angel would have slain Balaam.”

“That’s incredible.”

“What did I tell you?”

A whale swimming in a nearby sea spoke up.

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Its size alone dwarfed the other two, who looked like grasshoppers next to it.

Its voice was deep, commensurate with its size.

The whale cleared some krill from its mouth before it spoke.

If it had halitosis from the krill and other things it ingested, it ignored it.

Wait.

Maybe in the Good Place there is no halitosis.

Or, if there is, residents lack the ability to discern it.

We assume all is good in A Good Place.

“I’ve been listening to the two of you and I have a story no less hard to believe.”

“Well,” said the donkey. “We’re listening.”

“Here I was, minding my own business, swimming in the Mediterranean, when I hear a Voice.”

“And?” hissed the snake.

“The Voice spoke to me. It had authority and I sensed it was Someone important talking. So I listened. And heeded. Big as I am, I know when there’s Something bigger.”

“We don’t find that incredible so far,” said the snake.

The donkey nodded in agreement.

“What happened next might qualify,” said the whale.

“The sea had been calm just a moment before. Like the Mediterranean often is. All of a sudden a storm arose.

“I cannot explain it but it happened.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that. There weren’t even any clouds in the sky a short time before.

“I saw a ship, which was being buffeted badly by the storm. I think the ship was in danger of sinking. The crew was desperately doing everything it could to keep it upright.”

“What did you do?”

“I just watched. My fluke wasn’t working overtime. Then I saw a man being thrown overboard.”

“Oh, no! Was it against his will?” asked the donkey.

“It didn’t seem so.”

“Did you try to help him?”

“I had not been told to do that.”

“Did the storm continue?”

“Not after I swallowed him.”

“You didn’t!” brayed the donkey.

“I did.”

“May I ask what he tasted like? Surely you noticed.” The donkey cocked an ear.

“My diet is mostly krill. He didn’t taste like that. He hadn’t always been a good man. Do you know what regret tastes like?”

“No.”

“If regret has a taste, I think he may have tasted like it.”

“This is a most interesting story,” brayed the donkey. “What happened after that?”

“I had been instructed to hurl him after 3 days. Not digest him but throw him up onto dry land.”

“Had you ever done that before?”

“Once, when I ate some bad squid, but a man? Never.”

“Did he give you indigestion?”

“Sort of. The krill didn’t go down like it used to. I don’t want to have to go through that again. They don’t make antacids for whales.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“Our time of being useful on Earth seems to be over. The very fact we’re even here seems strange. Almost anomalous. Do you think we’re here for a reason?” asked the whale.

“Could be,” mused the donkey.

It reached up with a hind leg to scratch an itch.

Wait.

In the Good Place maybe there are no itches to scratch.

No flies to swat.

The whale was swimming in a calm sea.

Every so often it breached, which was itself a thing of wonder.

Seeing a 150 ton creature in the air, even in A Good Place, is awe-inspiring.

The air was warm and the sky blue.

All was good.

Adam and Eve were quaffing from the limpid water which flowed between the Tree of Life.

They weren’t wearing fig leaves or animal skins anymore.

Rather, they were bathed in soft light that radiated from a holy place.

Balaam’s donkey looked for him but the prophet was nowhere to be found.

And Jonah, another minor prophet?

He wasn’t around either.

But Dr. Dooliittle?

The good doctor was in a group of children and animals, teaching the children how to talk to the animals, and vice versa.

And you know?

It wasn’t as hard as it had once seemed.