back to friends

Just think about it — 7 whole years. I loved you.

I still remember the first time we met. Kindergarten. We clicked so fast as if we were meant to meet. Lots of things happened, from laughing at the most random things, hanging out almost everyday, sharing inside jokes no one else gets, staying up late without even noticing the time just because we continuously talked, to where we are now..

It was during those moments that I experienced love romantically for the first time. Yet there was also a time that you made me feel like I was a complete stranger to you, and that felt so painful — it broke me in a way I didn’t understand then.

Maybe all the experiences was only the bare minimum. But honestly, who cares? We were kids, after all. Nevertheless, I took it all seriously. And that’s what made me question whether you ever took me seriously too at all.

You were the first guy who treated me so warmly that I didn’t even see the pain coming, the first one to make me feel worthy of being loved, who stood by me when I was struggling, who helped me with school projects without hesitation, who listened to all my rants and concerns, and who was always willing to go out of his way just to make me feel supported and cared for.

But one day, everything we had seemed to vanish. You treated me as if I had meant nothing, as if we had never shared a single thing. And then I found out there was another girl… my friend. I was not in the specific place where I had the right to get mad at you, but why? Why did you shut me out so easily? I kept asking myself what I had done wrong. I moved forward, but the questions stayed with me like shadows. Was I not enough? Did you lose interest? Were you mad at me without me even knowing why?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5..

You talked to five different girls after me, yet I didn’t even have the guts to talk to another boy — not since you. Was I really that quick to be replaced?

I know we didn’t really enter anything serious, I understand, we were young and learning. But love is not a joke, and it’s not something to be tossed aside casually. It shouldn’t make someone feel so small and unimportant. I gave you my trust, my time, my heart and yet after all it felt like it meant nothing to you.

Maybe we were just too young to understand what we were doing, or to truly feel the depth of love, but the pain I felt was very real.

Even though a lot has happened, I never regret giving you my effort, love, and time. Every laugh we shared, every moment we spent together, every word you said — they all mattered to me. I gave my heart fully. And yes, it hurt when things fell apart, when you shut me out, and when I realized you moved on so easily — but those feelings were real, and they taught me a lot. I may still have questions, and I may still feel the pain sometimes when I think about all of it, but I wouldn’t trade any of it, because loving you — even if it ended in heartbreak, it helped me grow.

I’m still glad to witness everything you’ve accomplished, and I remain grateful that we are back to friends, despite everything that happened.