ON ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

I Asked ChatGPT How to Smoke Embalming Fluid

Inquiring minds want to know…

Generated in Grok (X) by Trinity Ellis, Author

I was watching Yellowstone with my husband on TV.

The coroner in the show had been arrested for smoking embalming fluid. How in the hell do you smoke embalming fluid? I wanted to know.

Thus began my innocent search for one piece of information that took me down a rabbit hole.

So, I simply ask ChatGPT, “How do you smoke embalming fluid?”

(BIG RED X) “Whoa, let me caution you right here. I cannot give you instructions on how to do this.”

Then it provides the number to the National Crisis Line, and if I, or someone I know, has an addiction problem, I should consider contacting them immediately.

Okay, so let me be very clear here up front. I have no intention of smoking embalming fluid if I could even fathom getting my hands on it. As if my toxicology experience didn’t clue me in on the hazards of primarily formaldehyde in embalming fluid, the idea alone was revolting.

ChatGPT has its limitations

In case you didn’t already know, ChatGPT will not provide you with instructions on how to build a bomb, dispose of a body, make a batch of meth, how to shoot heroin, the best method of killing yourself, or how to smoke embalming fluid. It will first flag you.

Thus, my question obviously required a slightly different approach. Frame it differently. I had no personal interest in smoking or freebasing embalming fluid, if I even knew how to obtain such a thing. The idea itself is repulsive.

(BUT on the other hand, are we talking pure embalming fluid or used leftover embalming fluid? For real? There is a difference. I think. If I had to choose, I would rather my embalming fluid be pure than cycled through a body. No?)

However, my curiosity got the better of me.

Consider me macabre, but it led me to further questions about death. And I am a scientist, so I love collecting data; when ChatGPT tells me next that it can give me data on this or that, my response is often: “Okay.” Thus, I am full of useless information.

My next question

So, I’ve wondered about a variety of things, especially since my mom’s passing a couple of years ago. Most notably, I’ve wondered for years how much of the Earth’s surface is taken up by cemeteries and how many people are cremated vs. buried. Here’s what I learned:

Globally, there is no single ratio because practices vary widely across cultures, religions, and countries.

The method of cremation of human remains has increased rapidly worldwide. An approximate broad summary would be the following:

• Cremation is increasing rapidly worldwide. Many Western countries now have cremation rates of 50—70%. In the U.S., cremation recently overtook burial and is now the majority choice.
• In places like Japan, cremation exceeds 90%+. Much of this is due to a lack of land space, and in many instances, graves are actually reused. As in, people are buried on top of one another. Eww.
• Some countries (for cultural/religious reasons) still primarily bury, such as the Catholic religion.

Because burial has dominated for thousands of years, globally, it still accounts for the disposal of human remains.

My second question

How much of the Earth’s surface consists of cemeteries? Here is what I found:

There is no precise global measurement because:

• Cemetery definitions vary;
• Many historical graves are unmarked;
• Family burial land exists outside formal cemeteries;
• and/or ancient burial grounds span millennia

But surprisingly to me, cemetery land actually only occupies a tiny fraction of Earth’s land surface, which includes less than 1% of the Earth’s land area.

Roughly, a traditional grave plot might use about 40 sq ft (the grave itself). A large cemetery could be hundreds of acres. But Earth’s land surface is so enormous that cemeteries globally occupy very little land.

Wow. I would have thought it to be much more.

Personally, I want to be cremated. Seems way more tidy. Why waste all that space for me, who will eventually turn into a meager few pounds?

Furthermore, even as big as my ego is, the thought of people looking at my dead body seems immoral. Offensive even. I don’t want that to be the last image of me in people’s heads.

What I did learn is that cemeteries occupy less land than I imagined, cremation is becoming the norm, Japan reuses graves, and somewhere inside OpenAI there’s probably an algorithm convinced I’m one bad day away from freebasing a funeral home.

Curiosity really is a dangerous thing.

FYI – Soaking a cigarette or joint in embalming fluid, which consists primarily of formaldehyde, then smoking it – that’s smoking embalming fluid.

I can provide you with the number for the National Crisis Line if you or anyone you know is having a problem.

P.S. Don’t ask ChatGPT an innocent question unless you’re prepared to spend the next two hours learning everything except the thing you originally wanted to know.

Thanks for reading.