How Writing Became My Sobriety Accountability Partner

It’s a powerful deterrent when the world is watching

Words, keeping me sober — AI image created with Chat GPT

This story was inspired by Michele Maize for a Black Bear prompt about recovery. When I read her questions, it got me thinking: what or who has helped me the most with my sobriety journey?

The answer surprised me, and I knew I had to share. Check out the prompt below.

[embed]Black Bear June Prompt Who or what helped the most in your recovery?medium.com

I miss drinking; it’s no secret. Not getting drunk, drinking.

I miss walking over to my now-nonexistent liquor cabinet, pulling out a clean double old-fashioned glass, dropping in a handful of ice, pouring a generous measure of Sailor Jerry spiced rum with just a splash of Coca-Cola, squeezing in a wedge of lime, and stirring it all together with a hand-blown glass swizzle stick.

Then taking that first, crisp, sweet but slightly burning sip.

Sigh.

Many’d say “just have one,” but for someone like me, an alcoholic, I can’t. Not because I’ll automatically want to day drink or go on a week-long bender, but because I’d have too much confidence in the first one and would likely move on to “just one more,” and for me, it’s never just one more.

I have those days- not often, but I do- where I have a momentary lapse of reason and think, “Maybe someday I’ll be able to have one or two,” but then reality sets in, and I think, “I can’t, because then I’d be a total fraud.” Why?

Because you’re all watching me.

Deciding to get sober again wasn’t hard. I’d had one too many binges and violent hangovers, and more importantly, my big sister Robin had died unexpectedly from cirrhosis. I didn’t quit immediately after her death, but a few binges later, I knew it was time. February 29th, 2024. Leap year.

A “leap” almost two years to the day after I received the call that Robin had collapsed and was in the hospital. She never went home.

It was later that same year that I started writing stories about my silly escapades from junior high — when I started drinking. A time that was full of both innocence and boldness, naivety and bravery.

I’ve always loved writing, but these were personal stories of my childhood, adolescence, and youth with a focus on how my low self-esteem contributed to a decades-long pattern with alcohol. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them, so I just wrote for my mental health and for a creative outlet. I used the name “Not Even Wine With Dinner,” which was a comment I’d heard repeatedly the first time I quit drinking.

Foreshadowing for things to come.

Writing became cathartic. A way to escape some mental chaos and to quiet the grief of losing my sister. But, in due time, I knew I needed to write about something more serious: her death. And that’s when things changed.

When I wrote “My Sister’s Little Secret — She Drank Herself to Death,” I had no idea it would have such an impact. The story took me a month to write because I was reliving the most traumatic event of my life. Once it was published, it took off like a rocket.

It’s still my most-read and most profitable story to date.

And it started the NEWWD movement.

It was this story that hit a nerve with people. A story of a successful, highly educated woman whose life flipped upside down, causing her to hit rock bottom, never to emerge. It resonated with so many that it startled me. The comments “I understand,” “My sister/brother/mother/uncle also died that way,” and “I wish I could stop” broke my heart.

Shortly after, I launched the NEWWD website and podcast, and I continued to write fervently on Medium and other platforms about drinking, sobriety, and a few other topics like the occasional Gen-X listicle, to take the edge off. My main goal is to help just one person avoid the same kind of tragedy my family and I went through.

But now, the world is watching.

Maybe not the world, but a growing community of readers, listeners, and subscribers. Which means I can’t slip up. The more followers I get, the more I’m held to the standard I’ve publicly set for myself.

Sober.

I can’t be the “No, I don’t even drink wine with dinner” girl and sneak a beer, even in my own home. The guilt would eat me alive if the hangover didn’t wreck me first. No thanks.

I’m no influencer, and I don’t have millions of followers, but numbers don’t matter. Even if it’s just one, it’s one too many for me to disappoint on top of myself. When someone wears their heart on their sleeve and opens up to me about all the problems they or their loved one has with alcohol, I listen and try to respond as peer support.

And if I choose to have one drink, I’m no longer peer support; I’m a hypocrite.

So here I am, a sober writer who will continue to write, share my stories, talk the talk, and walk the walk down the sober path with the support of my readers, listeners, and friends.

You, dear readers, are my accountability partners, and I hope never to disappoint you.

If you or someone you know has a problem with addiction, speak up. Reach out to someone for support or talk to your loved ones if you’re seeing a problem. Life is too short and precious to stay silent.

You can read more of my drinking and sobriety stories here:

[embed]List: Drinking and Sobriety | Curated by Not Even Wine With Dinner | Medium Drinking and Sobriety · 38 stories on Mediummedium.com

2026 Kristen Crisp — Not Even Wine With Dinner

Kristen Crisp is the founder of Not Even Wine With Dinner. A community/mission for those looking for peer support with sobriety, self-esteem, mental health, aging, and all the things that come with being human.

Click here to donate a little to the Tipsy jar. This helps me enjoy coffee and cheap clothes from my local Guatemalan thrift stores.

And be sure to check out my swag, because everything looks better in the NEWWD!

[embed]Get NEWWD Now! | Bonfire Buy merchandise from Get NEWWD Now! Featuring Space Black Allmade Eco Triblend Hoodie Tees, professionally printed in…www.bonfire.com