back from vacation

back from vacation

lets get back to it

I’ve been thinking a lot about the competing influences on my life.

Enmeshment is a way of life for Indian women.

Mamta — A direct Sanskrit word meaning “motherly love,” “affection,” “attachment,” “tenderness,” or “the feeling of ‘mine’.” It refers specifically to the selfless and protective bond a parent has for a child [https://quickvedic.co/names/mamta]

Mamta — is what Indian women extend — and are expected to extend — to everyone around them. Action that doesn’t originate from a self-sacrificial impulse is considered sacrilege. How dare she think about herself and her needs when the needs of others are persistently knocking on the door? She is so selfish.

S.E.L.F.I.S.H

I have spent my entire life dodging this label. Anytime something bad happens, I take it as a sign of karma for my bad behaviour, for my self-centered desires, for wanting something that I shouldn’t want. And I immediately run through the list of things in my head that I can do to pay the world back for my wicked behaviour. Maybe if I can justify my existence by acts of service and caring for others, I will stop being punished and can meekly demand some respite or dare I say, a reward.

The system isn’t working. I have been indulging in a tremendous amount of self-sabotage.

I am not owed a reward because I decided to forgo my desires to serve the needs of others. And neither am I being specially punished for having desires in the first place. Each action needs to be considered in isolation.

An act of service to others.

An act of service to myself.

Either can result in negative or positive outcomes. The person I help might be supremely ungrateful, even hurtful in return. And by choosing to spend my time exactly as I please I might chance upon a discovery that changes the course of my daily life for the better.

Why did I pick up the idea that there isn’t room in this world for the needs of others AND my own?