Art

How This Painting Encapsulates the Pain of Growth

A story about bettering yourself, no matter the cost.

Ascension by Devon Regular

Everybody knows that growth comes from discomfort and throwing yourself into experiences outside of your norm. There are many reasons for this: new experiences, new perspectives, challenging yourself, and keeping that brain of yours active and flexible. Usually when talking about this phenomenon, we appeal to things like the body builder who pushes his muscles to the point of discomfort in order to grow stronger; or to the shy boy who decided to face his fears of public speaking. These examples are apt at helping people understand the concept, but I fear it does not truly represent the real pain that growth can inflict –it is not just muscle soreness and butterflies in your stomach. In many instances it can feel soul crushing, hopeless, and all consuming. The painting “Ascension” tells my own personal story with growth and discomfort, and how truly difficult it can be.

The Story Behind the Painting

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…” — Theodore Roosevelt

This was the mantra I would tell myself constantly when first developing my art practice and business. At first it was a struggle with self acceptance and confidence in my own voice (which I wrote about here); but as time went on, the discomfort shifted and grew. Once I began becoming more confident in myself and taking on more within my art practice, the discomfort no longer stemmed from my own fears and insecurities, and began manifesting through the experience itself.

As I got further into creating my art practice, the more I realized just how much work was needed to become successful. At the time, I was still working full-time as a website developer –a demanding field that requires on-call availability and overtime at a moment’s notice. I noticed quickly I did not have the amount of time I wished I had to spend on my art and my practice, and that’s when the true feeling of overwhelming discomfort began to grow.

It had felt like my job and my responsibilities in life were chaining me down, and I began believing that my job was keeping me from flourishing as an artist. The hardest part about this situation is that, to some degree, I was correct. Many times I have been forced to put my own dreams on hold because of the demands placed on me, and each time I felt hopeless, defeated, and uncomfortable.

In these moments, it feels as though everything in life is coming together to try and stop you from growing, from achieving your goals and dreams. And after a lifetime of being overworked and dejected, the discomfort was telling me that there was no point because if I don’t have the time, then it will never happen. That is the true power of discomfort; it is not just butterflies in your stomach as you get nervous before confronting a crowd, it is the feeling of imminent defeat as you question if what you want to do is even possible.

So what do you do when everything is conspiring against you? What do you do when you see others succeed and you know the only reason you’re falling behind is because you simply can’t ignore your other responsibilities?

Well, in that moment, I knew two things:

1. I could not quit my job because I needed it, and:
2. I could not continue living my life the way I have been. I was simply unhappy, and despite working in a technical, specialized field, I was still living in poverty. Simply put, the economy has gotten so bad that following my dreams felt like a better solution.

So I was left with one solution: continue. Continue working 14 to 16-hour days. Continue waking up tired. Continue embracing the discomfort my current life brought, because ultimately, I needed to believe that I could break through to the other side.

And it was in the middle of these feelings of discomfort and hope that Ascension was born.

Ascension: Confronting the Breaking Point

Close up of Ascension by Devon Regular

Ascension pictures a pigeon turned upside down in an alarming pose, with feathers flying away from its body. A red string wrapped around its neck and drawn taunt by something anchoring it down from below, preventing it from flying upwards towards the golden skies.

It is not hard to imagine this poor pigeon flying with all its might, to reach heights it has never seen before, only to feel the discomfort of its bindings tighten and drag it back down. Frantic, it tries time and again, only to be met over and over with the limitations imposed upon it. No one would be surprised for the pigeon to fall into learned helplessness. The pigeon does not control the string imposed upon it; it can only struggle.

What we, along with the pigeon, fail to remember is that most things that bind and tether are viscoelastic, meaning they can withstand quick panicked jerks but break when steady, consistent pressure is applied. It may take time and a lot of effort, but when you feel the string tighten around your neck, it is at that time you steady yourself and resist the quick jerk backward. It is that moment when you need to keep your path and continue flying forward. You may not move for a while, but eventually the pressure you apply on those tethers will cause them to break. Eventually, the pigeon will be free to fly.

But it is all dependent on how you handle the discomfort.