Absolute

March 12th, 2026

I deal with and in absolute. Or with and in the absolute. No halfway measures, or ambiguity, or some common ground. I like it this way. I feel so powerful when dealing only with two opposite poles and despising everything in the middle. I feel so righteous. I feel so proud. I feel so much better than everybody else. I don't care about the pain I bring to those who might be hurt by my righteousness. It is only their fault. Choose a clear and unassailable position, and stick to it. Of course, the ideas and points of view change, but as I see it — they can only go from one extreme to the other. Nothing mundane or common.

Until this behavior makes me feel like a fool… And that happens more often than not. Not that I learn my lessons. No, I am too stubborn for that. If, for a moment, I admit that there could be a gray scale, that not everything is white or black, then to cover my embarrassment — I double down on absolutist views. And I don't hold those views for myself. No, then I became loud and obnoxious. That makes me feel disgusted with myself. Not that I learn my lessons. I dig deeper and deeper until even the orthodox absolute is not enough. Then I usually have a headache already, so I lie down.