In Loving Memory of Shirley Podgurski from David and Sherry Smith our tribute to her.

Shirley Ellen Podgurski, 82, Massena

I wrote this for my wife Sherry to put her last regards to her mother to bring family closure as Sherry, I and our family were not allowed to do so by her youngest brother Kip Gabri and youngest sister Hope Adams (Gabri) at the time of the wake and funeral. We all felt it was best to not cause a scene at the wake and funeral knowing that Shirley would not had wanted any disagreements between her children. Some at the wake had mentioned that she had a hard life, so I felt some of her details in her life should be detailed and honored in a respectful way. A link to Shirley’s official obituary. Although Shirley certainly had some tough times she also had many moments that were promising and joyful.

Back in the nineteen- fifties and a young John Fickling from Sayville Long Island, New York as he was working in construction on the Saint Lawrence Seaway near Massena at the time and had met a young Shirley Laraby of Massena, New York. The young couple had fallen in love and lived together for a while having a great time and had a daughter together that they named Sherry. Unfortunately, this was not to last. As this was the fifties and a young lady who had a child while not being married would have been quite a scandal for a wealthy family like John’s. John’s parents who did not approve of a marriage between Shirley and John manipulated a breakup of the young couple. The Fickling parents had arranged for Sherry’s real birth records to be sealed and a adoption to Shirley and her new husband George Gabri.

George Gabri and Shirley had three more children two sons they named George, Kip and with the youngest and last child for Shirley a daughter named Hope. Things seemed promising in the beginning but George a hard-working good man that most who knew him liked him had a gambling and alcohol addiction that he was never able to control and it doomed the marriage. After years of trying to make her marriage work she found it necessary to leave George so they divorced and went their separate ways.

Shirley by and large did a good job of raising her four children despite being a single mother with little assets and no income. These were certainly some tough times for the family but still some good times and memories were also mixed in their based on firsthand accounts of people I have spoken with who new them at the time. There was a period that Shirley due to circumstances beyond her control could not take care of her children and had to give up her youngest daughter Hope. This was one of the things in her life that bothered her most deeply and is a ghost that she battled for the rest of her life.

In the nineteen-eighties Shirley met Joe Podguski fell in love once again and married. This appeared to be the life she searched for years but after a time Joe and Shirley realized they were not meant to be together and divorced once again she was alone. Shirley moved to the Hudson Valley to be near Sherry and I living in Marlboro, NY, Kip living nearby in Long Island, NY and especially to be near her youngest daughter Hope. For years she spent a lot of time with Hope trying to recapture the years she had lost while Hope was raised by others. This was a period she enjoyed. After Joe Podgurski passed Shirley received his generous US Post Office pension. So, the period of Shirley’s life spent in the Hudson Valley was a happy one.

In two-thousand-seventeen we could see that dementia was beginning to develop mostly in short term memory loss. She also developed an unrealistic romanticized interpretation of Massena and decided she wanted to move there. Even though Sherry and I realized this could end in tragedy we voiced our objections and concerns then we helped with the move. She moved to Massena and received help from her niece Nancy. Nancy was her deceased sister Kay Tiernan’s daughter. Shirley admitted to my wife and me that moving to Massena was a mistake. We were suggesting she should live near one of her children and pondering how to make this a reality. She had an accident and hit her head and was treated by Massena Hospital she was released and immediately readmitted, predictably mistakes were made at Massena Hospital as it is a limited rural facility. We suggested early on to move her to a better Hospital, but the decision makers decided otherwise, and Shirley’s condition deteriorated rapidly to the point of no return and she died. Luckily, we were able to see her in a lucid moment shortly before she passed.

The David and Sherry Smith family will have a small private memorial for Shirley at her grave in Massena, New York on Memorial weekend for closure. Unfortunately, this is necessary as we were not allowed to be part of the official memorial as directed by Hope and Kip at the time. We are hoping that the family can overcome their differences soon and reconcile as this is certainly what Shirley would have prayed for herself.