Second Child Syndrome

Six reasons why it is a thing

Two siblings asleep in bed. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

They say that parents make all of their mistakes on their first. The second time around, they have more of an idea of what they are doing and are more relaxed, which, in turn, makes younger siblings more laid back.

There are always exceptions, of course, such as when the second child decides to throw them a curveball and rebel by trying to win the Darwin Awards every week. That would be my son. Don’t ask. That’s for another time.

Inspired by Deana Bugalski’s article on first borns, I give you some common second child traits:

1. You’re perpetually the baby

This can be the case even when you’re way past 18. It can be endearing (and you can even work this to your advantage sometimes) but it can also be annoying if your parents still think you’re throwing a tantrum because you disagree with them over something, which, to your mind, may seem perfectly reasonable at the age of 36.

2. You get the dregs of everything

Not only do you get the hand-me-down school uniforms and the murky bathwater, but you also get the parents who have run out of steam and are just so over the parenting thing.

3. You may suffer from low self-esteem

As a result of the above, you often feel overlooked and as if you’re living in the older sibling’s shadow. Your parents have seen it, been there, and done it. It’s not exciting anymore. The eldest becomes a hard act to follow -impossible, even.

4. Second-born children can be sneaky

On the plus side, it is easy to benefit from the low-level benign neglect and skulk around getting into mischief. However, it can feel like a hollow victory because, deep down, you know it’s only because your parents are past caring really.

That said, seeing you get away with murder annoys the older sibling no end, which is kind of a favourite second child pastime.

5. You love to wind the older sibling up

This is especially the case when the eldest has one of their friends over. You home in on the fact that your older brother or sister values their space when they finally get the opportunity to entertain someone their own age. You feel ever so slightly jealous that you aren’t chief playmate anymore and get a bit of FOMO. You show this by popping into your older sibling’s room every five minutes yelling Surprise!

This results in the big one proceeding to shamelessly slam the door in your face, leading your parents to make the excruciating choice to insist that they allow you to join in. This is a win-win situation for the second child.

6. Older siblings can be a bit bullying

I suppose the previous scenario can be thought of as sweet revenge for the inevitable teasing that older brothers or sisters can be guilty of. For quite some time, the eldest is the stronger and smarter one, and they exploit this no end. They also know that parents eventually get tired of playing referee and will inevitably back off by saying things like they don’t care who started it, just pack it in, both of you and assert that, whatever it is, you both have to sort it out yourselves. This is OK if it’s a minor squabble over, say, a favourite toy, but not really if it gets physical, or if it involves really nasty psychological bullying.

Nevertheless, despite all of the above, brothers and sisters ultimately have one another’s backs. It is a completely different story if someone outside of the family does their sibling wrong. Whenever this happens, they will become fiercely protective.

This goes to show that blood really is thicker than water.

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