Review Of The Day: Stubbing your toe

Toes are one of humanity’s greatest magnets. While not made from any particular metal, the toe often finds itself attracted to object, often in a forceful manner.

Yesterday, my toe magnet reached peaked magnetism. I believe it could be divine punishment. Instead of making a healthy lunch, I ordered some unfortunately mediocre pork dumplings. “But, Mr. Reviewer! Surely you were incredibly busy and didn’t have time to prepare such a meal!” False. I had woken up after staying up too late switching between the same 3 apps, whipped out my phone, and immediately ordered delivery.

I promptly forgot that I’d placed an order, and went back to the activities of the prior night; mindlessly scrolling on my phone. After an hour, I realized I had my meal sitting outside my door. In my half awake stupor, I stumbled to the front door. I stepped out to grab the bag, and slammed my pinky toe against the door frame.

Those of you who have lived life on the edge know that stubbing your toe doesn’t always end in the same result. Sometime you may jam your big toe, sending a shock wave up pain up your foot. Other times, it may be your toenail attempting to pry itself away from your body.

This particular stubbing was both. A half destroyed toenail, a jammed toe, and a litany of embarrassing words led to more than just my toe hurting. My pride, and value as a human being were desecrated. Limping back to the couch with a tear in my eye, I at least took solace in knowing that lunch was there. I ordered from a new restaurant. I will not order from this restaurant again. Insult to injury.

For today’s Review Of The Day, I’m considering not just the pain, but also the eventual coloration, the embarrassment, and the poor meal. The stubbed toe was just the climax of the story, but other plot points compounded to a 1.5/10 dumplings.

AI would only do 9, so imagine there is another one.

As horrific as the experience was, it wasn’t deserving of a 0. My toe could have ripped clean off, I stumble out of the doorway with my pants falling down, and I have to yell for help from my neighbors, all resulting in an expensive trip to the hospital. Always look on the bright side of life, even when your pinky turns dark.