How to wake your kids up? Make your kid’s day brighter through positive priming

Following our inaugural meet at the lake, I decided to host a parenting meetup at the same location, aiming to delve into the intricacies of our children’s daily routines. I selected this topic due to the keen interest expressed by many participants during our first gathering in instilling habits like reading, fostering critical thinking, and promoting good behavior in their kids. They had requested sessions aligned with these goals. Witnessing such enthusiastic parents was truly inspiring. However, before we proceed with these sessions, I believed it was essential for us to gain a deep understanding of our children’s daily routines, and how, as parents, we can construct them.

Topic of the day!

This involves taking into account our child’s age, psychology, and the biological constraints that may come into play. Therefore, the chosen topic for our next discussion and brainstorming session is “Dawn to Dusk,” where we will explore and exchange insights on best practices for creating enjoyable and beneficial daily routines for our kids, informed by extensive research conducted by scholars in this field.

Rain, playing hide and seek!

The monsoon had been playing a game of hide and seek lately, and here in Chennai, we were experiencing the North East monsoon. Despite the uncertainty, a handful of members had expressed interest in this topic through a poll conducted in our WhatsApp community channel. However, the weather was quite unpredictable, with occasional rains. On the previous day, I found myself in a dilemma about whether to broadcast this event in other social media platforms, considering the weather forecast. I even considered the idea of moving the event to a closed space in a nearby school, community hall, or park. This, however, would likely have created confusion among our members, unsure whether to attend the session or not.

But I held onto my optimism about the weather and hoped to meet a few parents in person. As usual, my wife Priya, our son Aarav, and I began our preparations for the evening, gathering flyers, forms, and coloring pages to engage the kids and make the event enjoyable for all.

Mottai Kadidasi!

During this meetup, I decided to bring our “Mottai Kadidasi” initiative into the offline world. This initiative is designed to provide a safe space for individuals to share their life’s concerns or challenges without the need to reveal their identity. People often shy away from seeking help or sharing their issues with others, fearing that it might affect their image. In light of this, we came up with the idea of creating a forum where our “Kelvi” community members could reach out anonymously. We placed a box with forms to fill out, enabling anyone to submit their questions or concerns without disclosing their identity.

To add a touch of creativity to the initiative, my son Aarav, who had recently developed an interest in drawing, worked his magic and decorated the box with vibrant colors.

Filled with optimism, we set off for the lake. Just as I was about to start the bike, a light drizzle began. It was as if my optimism had been shattered in an instant. I was now at a loss, unsure whether to proceed with our plans or not. Before making a decision, I received a call from an unknown number. It was a gentleman who had heard about our “Kelvi Parenting Meetup” through word of mouth and inquired, “Did you already start the meeting? Can I bring my 3-year-old son as well?” This unexpected call gave me a much-needed boost, and I checked the IMD Chennai radar, which indicated that there wasn’t much rain expected — just a passing cloud.

With renewed determination, we continued our journey to the lake. As we arrived, we began hanging flyers, and the people walking around the lake started to read the content. Among them, one particular parent showed great enthusiasm for the topic and readily accepted our invitation to join the discussion.

The Discussion!

In a short span of time, five parents had joined us, and we initiated the discussion with a quick round of introductions and each parent sharing their personal “WHY power” — their reasons for participating in this meeting. The sky was rapidly darkening, and ominous black clouds were gathering overhead. Before the weather taking a turn for the worse, I decided to dive into the topic of ‘How to start the day?’ drawing inspiration from my favorite book, ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ by Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman.

I emphasized that, regardless of our aspirations or goals, a fruitful day hinges on how we start it. Therefore, it is our responsibility as parents to create a pleasant and peaceful atmosphere to wake our kids up in the morning, setting the tone for the day ahead.

This phenomenon is all about priming — the process of our recent experiences or exposures influencing our subsequent thoughts and actions. For instance, if you’ve recently seen or heard the word “EAT,” you are more likely to complete the word fragment SO_P as “SOUP” rather than “SOAP.” Conversely, if you’ve just encountered the word “WASH,” your completion of SO_P is more likely to be “SOAP.” This is known as the Priming Effect. The concept of “EAT” primes the idea of “SOUP,” while “WASH” primes “SOAP.”

As parents, it’s crucial for us to engage in positive priming for our children before they head to school or college to ensure that their day starts on a bright note. And this process begins with how we wake up our kids in the morning.

Start the day with music:

If you plan to wake your child up by 7 AM, begin by playing their favorite music around 6:30 AM. This helps them wake up to a pleasant and familiar sound.

Polite request:

If they don’t wake up immediately, kindly ask if they can wake up after the current song ends. Most kids will oblige and give their commitment.

Offer 5 more minutes:

If they are still sleepy, give them an extra 5 minutes and ask them to wake up after this short extension or another song. The commitment they’ve given twice at this point increases the chances of them getting up.

Advance instructions:

Inform your child about any new plans to wake them up early the night before. Children are good at following instructions, and this helps them understand the expectations and plan accordingly.

Avoid citing urgency:

Avoid waking them up by saying it’s getting late for school or that they need to catch the van. Using such reasons may create aversion to school. Stick to the previously mentioned waking methods.

Set realistic expectations:

Understand that you are dealing with children. Avoid setting extremely tight schedules, like expecting them to wake up in 5 minutes, brush, bathe, get dressed, eat breakfast, and catch the van all within a short timeframe. Patience is key, and we must make time for this in our busy schedules. Recognize that children are the ones who will implement your plan, and allow for a reasonable pace.

Avoid full-pressure waking:

Waking children with too much pressure can lead to an unpleasant day due to negative priming. Children may not be in the right frame of mind to face challenges, tasks, and social interactions. This can result in unruly behavior and complaints from teachers, with parents often showing the consequences of this behavior. However, we need to understand that sometimes we, as parents, may be responsible for this by failing to provide positive priming.

The Wrap up!

Unfortunately, our discussion was cut short due to the unexpected drizzle, forcing us to end our session prematurely. Nevertheless, I’m delighted to have seen the commitment of five parents who braved the confusing weather to join us. Their dedication to learning about parenting and contributing to our community setup is truly heartening.

I also received messages from a few who couldn’t attend, expressing their regret at missing the discussion. This means a lot, especially considering that it’s been three long years since the inception of Kelvi. I genuinely hope that next time, the weather won’t disrupt our plans, and we can gather even more members to explore another intriguing topic based on an interesting book.

We’d love to hear about your wake-up strategies in the comment section. Sharing your experiences and insights can help us all learn and grow as parents.