Choosing Yourself is a Crime

A letter for the only daughters

source: pinterest

~Cue YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN KID (Because you are!)

You know, there is a myth that people believe about only children. Especially the daughters.

“Oh, you’re the only child in the family? You must be so loved!” “Oh, you’re the only daughter of your parents? They must spoil you a lot!” “Oh, you’re the daughter! Your parents can’t stop raving about you. You are so lucky to have them.”

All true. You are loved, cherished, spoiled, and you’re lucky to have parents who care about you because there are people who don’t care for their kids at all, as long as they are breathing.

But tell me, how many people know what you paid to be this cherished daughter of your family?

Who has seen the unshed tears when your mother compared you to somebody else for the smallest mistakes you made?

Who consoled you when you were made to feel unworthy of any love, just because you disobeyed your parents?

Who gave you a shoulder to lean on when the taunts overpowered the love, because you’re not trying enough?

Who held your hands when your knees were trembling before doing that big-girl shit that you told your parents not to worry about?

Who stood for you when your parents called you selfish for choosing yourself?

No one. Because you were always the nice kid. The obedient one. The kid who grew up before their time. The child your parents never had to worry about.

Nobody saw the kid who was traumatized by how she was treated the one time she didn’t agree with them.

Nobody saw how you started learning patterns to save yourself from being scolded before you asked for something.

Nobody saw you speak to yourself in the mirror, giving you a pep talk, “You have to do this. For them.”

Nobody realised when you started noticing things that you were too young to know.

Nobody saved you when you gave your shoulder to take on responsibilities you were never supposed to, just so you have peace at home.

And just like that, you started thinking about everybody else but you, only to be called Selfish the moment you chose yourself.

But here is the thing — the more you lay yourself bare, the more people are gonna keep taking from you.

There is absolutely nobody who would stop for a second to think about you. What do you want. How you might feel. What would you like.

Because the world has gotten used to you being the pushover. Nobody has to care for you because you have it all. You always do. Be it household chores or handling finances. Groceries are always bought. Bills are always paid. Appointments are already made. Routes are already figured out.

You never leave room for anybody else to think. So, why would they care?

Only you know how draining it is. How exhausting it feels to tell your heart, “Let’s do it for them one last time.” How irritating it feels to do something you don’t want to do, but you do it anyway to make their life easier.

But it’s time.

It’s time you choose yourself. Let go of the fear of being called “selfish.” Because being nice didn’t do shit other than making you feel horrible about yourself.

You betrayed yourself every time you put your needs behind somebody else’s. You kept every promise, but forgot the promises you made to yourself.

So, this time? Choose yourself and be selfish. Openly. Announce it, if need be.

We live in a society that has made us believe that we can’t live without one another. And I agree with them, because that’s how human beings were designed. We were never meant to live our lives alone.

But think about your life backwards. Who was there for you during the hard times? Moving cities, living on pennies, facing rejections, did anybody ever see those versions of you? Did you ever allow?

Or did you not want to burden them with your miseries?

Because you never need anybody. You keep it in, zip it up, and go about your day as if nothing happened.

I understand it may not be true for all of you, and I hope it’s not true for all of you. But for those it is…

I want you to know that you can shine on your own. You can choose yourself unapologetically. You don’t need anybody’s permission for that. And you can be on your own. Forever. If that’s what makes you happy.

You have spent far too much time thinking about others. Now, it’s time for you to think about yourself. Listen to your heart. Do what you want.

Because you truly are on your own. Everybody is. Most of us are just not ready to accept it yet, and you are one of the few who knew it from the beginning.

Stop thinking about them, and start living for yourself. Please.