Why I am not proud of Disability Pride Month

In fact, I think it’s deplorable and downright offensive.

Photo by Bob Smith on Unsplash

So, I just found out about a thing and I don’t like it. Apparently this is Disability Pride Month which I didn’t know was a thing. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user and rollator user and walker user and cane user, switching between them depending on what i need through out the day. I also use wrist braces and knee braces and in hot weather crynopacks (like space age level ice packs) due to MS heat intolerance (meaning I pass out and go into heat stroke at ANY temp over 68F).

I’ve had rheumatism since I was 4,

MS since I was 16,

a stroke at 31 that left me without the use of my left arm/hand,

I have hip dysplacia,

floating kneecaps,

and a serious spinal cord injury since I was 37 that required me to spend many years relearning to use my hands and walk.

I also have a service dog.

I was also born legally blind and have non verbal low functioning autism (rainman type).

I am therefore severely disabled on many variable, many types of disabled, and while some (like being legally blind) are just "normal" for me because of being lifelong things, others are newer changes (like the spinal cord injury and relearning to walk) that cause deep frustration because of limiting things that I used to be able to do without thinking about it (like walking).

Well, in short I absolutely HATE, outright LOATH being disabled.

I hate the limits it puts on my freedom.

I suppose it depends on how you become disabled? November 14, 2013 a woman weilding a golf club and screaming transgender slurs while accusing me (a blind, mute, and near deaf from birth and 8 months pregnant cis female, who could neither see her nor call out for help) of being a man in a dress, severed my spine and spinal column, broke my hip, broke my knees, and murdered my baby.

It took me 18 months to relearn to walk, and return to work, but then on June 26, 2016, the same woman showed up at work and repeated the attack this time with a shopping cart, and this time left me paralyzed for the rest of my life. I have the use of the first 3 fingers of my right hand, and that’s it. It is nearing the 12th anniversary of my son’s murder and my becoming a bedridden crippled.

And the FBI has still not found or identified the woman, nor do they know her motive other than she was accusing me of being a transvestite (her word).

So, now in addition to being born a blind, mute, near deaf person, I am also paralyzed and bedridden for the rest of my life. I don’t feel proud that a deranged lunatic stranger murdered my son and left me disabled.

I hate that I can not longer go to work or college because my disability limits my able to even get out of bed most days. I am most definitely NOT proud to be disabled.

Now to today. Over on social media I get a (well meaning) message from someone asking if I know of any pride events going on and if I’ll be attending. And my response was Pride Month was last month wasn’t it? But also no, I don’t know anything about American holidays and I don’t go to any events.

They say, no, not Gay Pride Month, it’s Disability Pride Month.

Uhm... what? What the fuck is disability Pride month? I never heard of it. They tell me, oh its great, you get to show off your mobility aids and make videos about being proud to be disabled.

Wait... what? Proud to be disabled? What? I am most definitely NOT proud to be disabled. I would like very much to NOT be disabled. I work very hard to regain my nerve and muscle use so that I can get rid of these fucking mobility aids I’m forced to live with. Why would I want to show off mobility aids I don’t even want in the first place? Disability Pride sounds like the single most insensitive and offensive thing any able-bodied idiot who was never disabled ever thought of and I told them so.

They were openly shocked and confused as to why i found the the thought of Disability Pride to be offensive.

They suggested I head to TikTok and YouTube to watch Disability Pride videos and then I would see how great Disability Pride is. So I just spent the last 5 or 6 hours watch TikTok and YouTube Disability Pride videos and... well, now I find the whole concept even more horrifying, even more insensitive, and even more offensive then I had at first imagined it could be.

I searched for generic Disability Pride, then more specific Autism Pride, MS Pride, Wheelchair Pride ect... and... 99% of the videos were not good at all, very mean, very hateful, all pretty much the same: "fuck you able bodied people, I love being in a wheelchair", "fuck you neurotypical people, I love having Autism", and so on.

Really? I don’t love having Autism, I hate it. While I agree there needs to be more awareness about what Autism is, having Autism is certainly nothing to be proud of, also, what the fuck? I don’t think about single one of those videos was an actual autistic at all. They were always hyper bouncing, hyper screaming, hyper yapping, hyper motor mouth, hyper hyper... so far deep end total absolutely complete opposite of the ACTUAL symptoms of autism (sitting without moving forward hours in a near catatonic state, not being able to speak, avoiding loud sounds... I don’t know what wild crazed, hyper bouncing thing they have, but it ain’t real and actual Autism that’s for sure... I did notice they usually bragged of being self diagnosed... uhm... yeah... I seriously dought a teen can self diagnose ANYTHING. )

look up an ACTUAL MEDICAL BOOK FOR DOCTORS about autism… if you can talk, I gauruntee you do NOT have autism. If you can string together a full sentence AND get at least 3 words of it out of you mouth in UNDER TEN MINUTES — you do NOT have Autism.

If you have a high IQ or a scientific brain, you do NOT have autism.

if you are a nerdy little scientist, you do NOT have autism.

if you have enough brain cells to self diagnose yourself, hey,, guess what, you NOT retarded enough to have autism

yes, retarded, used in the actual CORRECT medical term.

Think about it for a minute.

The actual CORRECT medical term foe Autism is: “Mental Retardation” and it means the OPPOSIT of high IQ. It means LOW IQ.

Do you know that Autism is simple the layman’s term for “MENTAL RETARDATION” and you are CLINICALY MENTALLY RETARDED (yes, that is the ACTUAL MEDICAL TERM) if you are autistic.

Let that soak in for a minute.

MENTALL RETARDED is the real and actual medical diagnoses term for REAL and ACTUAL Autism… sooo… no, NO ONE with either a high IQ or a “little science brain” has Autism.

Those Autism pride TikToks were nothing but a load of bullshit misinformation. None of them bring awareness to have serverly crippling a disability autism ACTUALLY is.

MOST ACTUALLY MEDICALLY DIAGNONESED adults with autism are mute, can not feed themselves, wear adult diapers, require a nurse to bath them, feed them with a spoon, brush their hair… and THESE ACTUALLY DIAGNOSED autistic, usually spend there entire child, teen, and adult lives in a nursing home, and never once in their entire lives see the outside of that nursing home, don’t know things like YouTube or TikTok exist so certainly are not making them…

…in fact, I, who have an ACTUAL Autism diagnosis, am considered to be on the high functioning end because I can feed myself, brush my hair, change my own adult diapers, AND once in a while I’m able to speak a full sentence verbally too.

Stop listening to the fucking conspiracy theory idiots online and look up what the ACTUAL medical symptoms of Autism are.

• I guarantee you won’t be so quick to self diagnose yourself as autistic once you find out what Autism REALLY is and what it’s REAL symptoms are.

NEWSFLASH: calling yourself autism when you clearly are not even remotely autistic in the slightest, then bragging you self diagnosed yourself… that is incredibly OFFENSIVE to those of us who are ACTUALLY struggling with REAL autism.

people see your idiotic bullshit motormouth yapping, your hyper bouncing around, and then they give us REAL autistics hell for being mute and moving slow!

You want to be PROUD of your mental retardation? GET AN ACTUAL MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS OF THAT MENTAL RETARDATION!

You know what? Most of us people who are ACTUALLY mental retarded… wooops… I mean ACTUALLY autistic, HATE the entire bull shitting self diagnosed community because you do NOTHING to spread awareness of what it is like to live with autism and you do a hell of a lot more damage then good.

It’s bad enough we have to struggle with our disability, because because you want to run around on social media misrepresenting our illness, we also have to deal with the constant bullshit of strangers coming up to us and saying: “Well, you can’t be autistic because I saw on TikTok this girl who was autistic and she can talk and learn school just fine”.

I am 49 years old, and I still can’t count. I do not know addition or substraction. I can not read clocks. I can not read calenders. Why? Because I have autism, that’s why.

And it’s NOT something to be proud of.

I’ve spent DECADES trying to learn numbers and counting and math. I hate that I can’t do them.

And it’s MORE a lot more then just the mental limits.

What I saw on Autism Pride TikToks, was like “look at me theatrics masquerading as advocacy”. It was like a lot of people trying to say they were disabled just to join a popularity club. Half the time it was feeling like they weren’t really disabled, rather it felt like they thought being disabled was cool, so they called themselves autistic just to be a part of the cool gang.

It really sounded like they had zero clue any of the actual symptoms of autism, many of which are physically very crippling, autism impacts gastrointestinal and nerves and the nerve symptoms can be like stroke symptoms where you lose the ability to move your fingers or speak.

Nerve damage is a big part of autism, it’s why a lot of autistic can’t talk, can’t hold a spoon or brush their hair, or why many have to wear adult diapers.

The malfunction of nerves is rarely mentioned by self diagnosed autistics because they think autism is all about reading comic books or liking science class.

But actual real autism is a HUGE PHYSICAL disability that actually limits physical movements of certain muscles especially the jaws and fingers that’s why so many autistics can’t talk or can’t feed themselves!

• Speech isn’t possible, not because someone doesn’t want to talk — but because the jaw and tongue physically won’t move.
• Eating is hard or impossible, because the body won’t coordinate a spoon to mouth or chewing/swallowing.
• Toileting isn’t manageable, because the sensory cues are blocked or the muscles don’t respond in time.
• Hands won’t open. Fingers won’t grip. Legs won’t lift. You want to move — and you can’t.
• The nervous system locks you in, but you’re still aware of everything happening around you.

That is profound, physically disabling autism — and it has nothing to do with being “gifted,” liking trains, or being socially awkward at parties. It’s a full-body condition, and a very serious one.

The gastro issues — if you have autism you are ALLERGIC to MOST EVERYTHING! Including most foods.

You spend 40%+ of you days vomiting your guts out because your body decided it wants to be allergic is twenty million different foods!

None of that is ever shown in the mainstream, self-diagnosis-driven narrative of autism online.

On TikTok and similar platforms, what dominates are loud, rapid-fire talking heads — people claiming “autistic pride” while doing coordinated dance trends that ACTUAL autistics aren’t even physically capable of doing, delivering flawless monologues actual autistics are not physically capable of, and bragging about how “fun” and “relatable” their symptoms are.

It’s not just misleading. It’s dangerously misleading — because it erases real, non-speaking, highly disabled autistics like me from the conversation.

And worse: it spreads a false picture to the world.

That leads to caregivers, educators, and medical professionals underestimating what autism can actually mean — and denying support to those who need it the most.

Are any of these self diagnosed autistics talking about the constant acid reflux issues caused by the constant daily endless vomiting?

How about living with hives rash break outs 4 or 5 a times a month?

No! They brag that they like to read comic books and play with trains so therefore they self diagnosed as autistic!

What the fuck?

HOBBIES ARE NOT A DIAGNOSES OF A DISABILITY YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!

But the wheelchair ones where just total crazy denial on extremes. People saying things like "becoming wheelchair bound was the best thing that ever happened to me"... really? 90% of freedom being taken away is a good thing? How? How is having to rely on others for 90% of everything you used to do yourself the best thing ever?

I don’t get it. If the TikTok hive mind is to be believed, Disability Pride month is all about glorifying denial and bullying able bodied people, while pretending self diagnosed mental illness is like a badge of honour into an exclusive club.

Nothing I saw on any of the Disability Pride videos did anything but make disabled people look like arrogant self centred pricks. None of them brought any level of ACTUAL REAL awareness to disabilities. And most of it came off as snot nosed bratty teens being immature haters.

EDITED TO ADD: July 27, 2025

Okay, I’m answering a message that was sent here to me privatly, but due to the ongoing FBI investigation into my infant son’s murder, my being crippled/paralized the same day by the same woman with the same golf club that murdered my son, and the backhoe that drove over my house a few weeks prior to his murder, and the FBI’s belief that both the backhoe driving over my house August 8, 2013 and my son’s murder November 14, 2013 were done by the same person, both as an attempt to drive me off my land so a 27 unit condo could be put there, I therefor do not answer anything privatly, so here’s my answer to said message:

No. You do not seem to have any level of concept for how extrordinarily limited my ability to move my arms, even now 11 years later is.

I can not exstend my left hand forward enough to reach 17" in front of me. The average person can easily reach 24"+ in front of them.

I can not straiten my left arm far enough up, down, or ahead to reach 17".

I just measured, just now, to get the exact number for you. I can get my finger tips to tap against 16" ahead of me. I can bend slightly my fingers around something 8" in front of me. But to actually grip my fist around something, the item must be 4" directly in front of my belly, no higher, no lower, no further ahead.

As you are trying to say I was writing online between 2014 to 2021 (even though I was not able to move my fingers more then slight tremors during that period) it is very clear you have ZERO understanding of how INCREADIBLY disabled my arms, hands, and fingers really are, even now still in 2025, 11 years after the attack.

You don’t seem to have an actual understanding of how very little movement i have in my arm. How narrow a distance i can reach ahead of me.

My left arm bends down, handing there dead and unmoving 24/7/365 for 11 years now, and it still does. The lower half from elbow to wrist, bends at an angle across my belly and stays there near completely immobile all day.

I returned to typing in May 2021, same day I returned to the internet after not being online since November 2013… anyone you saw posting ANYWHERE online between November 2013 to May 2021: WAS NOT ME, because my hands were PARALIZED between that time period.

Since May 2021, I’ve been typing not only with one hand, my right hand, but with only 3 fingers of one hand. I have no ability to type at all with ANY of my left hand fingers and for my right hand i am only able to move my thumb and first two fingers enough to type. Right now in 2025. It has taken me ELEVEN YEARS to regain enough nerve use of those three fingers, so that I can type what you are reading, right now.

When you understand how serverly crippled I actually am, you can then see the MASSIVE levels this online stalker has gone to between 2013 to 2021 to pretend to be me: Like I said before EVERYTHING being said about aliens, UFOs, demons, witchcraft, Stephen King, and haunted cars: NONE OF OT WAS SAID BY ME — ALL OF IT was said by someone PRETENDING to be me, and taking advantage of the fact I was FULLY PARALIZED — ARMS AND LEGS — and not able to defend myself.

The FBI believes the person/s pretending to be me online are the SAME PEOPLE who drove a backhoe over my house August 8, 2013 (see photo — my house July 4, 2013 vs August 8, 2013 -146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach) and murdered my son November 14, 2013, and crippled me also November 14, 2013.

And, I will say it again, if you have any information about my son’s murderer, DO NOT try to contact me… you MUST contact FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 or at 1 Middle Street forth floor, Portland, Maine. He is in charge of the investigation into the backhoe, the murder, and my being crippled.

But the extreme limiting use of my hands is also why I use the cane in my right hand. I am supposed to be using my left hand for the cane. Dr gave me the cane and she tried to teach me to use it with left hand, because you are supposed to use cane on opposite side of injured hip, but my left hand is still near completely immobile, I can’t move my fingers at all yet and can not hold cane in my left hand where it is supposed to be instead of my right hand. I had the underarm crutches for 18 months before switching to cane full time and the crutches were difficult because my arm would not bend so I could hold them correctly.

Even now in July 2025, 11 years after the woman attacked with the golf club, I do everything with my right thumb and 1st two fingers. I’ve almost no movement in my other 7 fingers

Its why I have not brushed my hair in several years. I can not both grip the brush, and lift my arm higher then my shoulder at the same time. And that’s my right arm which is my good arm.

Its why I have been having so much trouble cooking. I am still homeless these 11 years, later because the backhoe drove over my house August 8, 2013, and I have not yet recovered the injuries enough to go back to work, so I have not yet had money to rebuild my house again. Because I am homeless I go to my dad’s apartment in Biddeford to cook, but it is very difficult as I cannot lift the pans once water is put in them. I can not open the top door of the freezer. I can not reach anything on the top 2 shelves or in the cupboards or on top of fridge. All because only one of my arms lifts higher then my belly level and the other doesn’t go higher then shoulder level. Its extreme pain if I try to go higher.

So, no, again, you really are mixing me up with someone else, as I am far more disabled then you seem to be aware, and I am not physically capable of doing 90% of the things you are even talking about.

[embed]EVERYTHING We Are Allowed To Publicly Release About The FBI Investigation Can Be Found HERE aka Full details of the events surrounding my son’s murder and my becoming crippledmedium.com