Matrix Reporting at it’s Zenith

I Have 61 Bosses And They All Tell Me What To Do

Sixty of them are retired

A common way to get around where I work. Photo by Raychan on Unsplash

Ever heard of “Matrix Reporting”?

You are lucky if you haven’t.

It’s a bitch.

It means you have more than one Boss.

As if one isn’t already enough.

Well, I work in the retirement property business and manage a property with sixty four flats and sixty Residents. And before all the Bean Counters out there (like my better-half) jump in to tell me that I can’t count, well, fuck you. We happen to have a few empty flats.

Didn’t think of that did you?

Now all these wonderful Residents of mine pay what is called a “Service Charge”, which pays for all the services they receive. Which sounds fucking logical, right? And that charge includes my salary. So, although I have an employer who effectively “facilitates” my pay, and, although I have an off-site boss that I report to, it is those sixty good folks that actually pay me.

And don’t they know it.

So woe betide if one of them fucks up in the bin room. Like putting recycling crap in the waste bin, or vice versa. A cardinal transgression. Like a Federal Case, I will hear all about it.

And if some poor soul leaves a sock in a washing machine. Then, as sure as the sun rises in the East, I will hear about that as well. I don’t know how many times I have been tempted to say “put a fucking sock in it”.

Furthermore, should anyone have the temerity to park in the wrong spot, well, fuck me, the “car park police” are all over it, and me.

Should some poor, forgetful, fucker leave a chair out in the garden overnight, they will be queuing up at my office the next morning to ask me what I am going to do about it.

I think that you might be getting the picture by now, (if you are still with me that is) so no more examples.

And that, in a nutshell is matrix reporting, at least where I work.

But, here’s the thing.

I cannot do a damn thing about any of the above, as they do not fall under my “Jurisdiction” or “Purview”, if you prefer. Remember “Federal Cases”? This establishment is for “Independent Living” and my main responsibilities are the Health and Safety aspects of the fucking building.

This set up often reminds of my days, nay years, as a Supply Chain Manager, where every person on the mine was my Customer. Makes sense. If anyone wanted anything, and I mean anything, purchased (and stored) that was my domain. A tough and demanding gig.

But, whilst they moaned and groaned if the wrong widget was delivered, or if the fucking ship sank, and their chemicals were consigned to Davy Jones’ Locker, they were not my bosses.

The CFO was my boss and they had clout and (usually) had my back.

Of course, it was up to me to rectify the matter.

Speedily.

Did I mention “a tough gig”?

Yup, like this one. Photo by Timur M on Unsplash

Thanks for hanging in there and spending some time with Me. Love you all.