I Have a Lot More in Common with YouTubers Than I Thought

The Ridgways shared what many of us secretly grieve

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

When I heard the news, my heart sunk. This could have been me.

Jesse Ridgway, popular YouTuber, and his wife, Ashley recently announced that they chose to terminate their pregnancy after a Down Syndrome diagnosis.

Then the hateful comments followed. Shame. Accusations. Death threats.

When I first heard about this, I didn’t want to know more. It felt personal. Because those comments could have been directed at me.

Jesse Ridgway, also known as McJuggerNuggets, is a popular YouTuber with over four million followers. He posts skits, web series, and a family vlog. He shares personal moments with millions of followers, including his proposal to his wife, a pregnancy announcement, and the moment they found out their baby’s gender.

The gender reveal, however, came with bad news. When the Ridgways learned their baby’s gender, they also received a Down Syndrome diagnosis. This devastating moment was all captured on video and shared on YouTube.

The Ridgways made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. Jesse later made a statement on X.

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After sharing their heartbreaking news, they were met with such hate. People calling them murderers, monsters, and baby killers. They were accused of eugenics and having blood on their hands.

Reading these comments, I felt like I was punched in the gut. Because I, too, had a termination for medical reasons.

My diagnosis was different. My daughter was diagnosed with a severe form of skeletal dysplasia at 19 weeks.

But like the Ridgways, I received a grey diagnosis, meaning that I didn’t know whether or not my daughter would survive the pregnancy. And if she did, I didn’t know what level of severity her condition would be. I was also faced with the devastating fact that her quality of life would be compromised and having her would mean a long road of health complications.

There’s a reason I don’t share my decision with everyone. I often just say, “I lost my baby” and let them draw their own conclusions. This comes up often in my TFMR (termination for medical reasons) support group. Many of us are conflicted about how much we share out of fear of judgement.

In fact, I created a solo show about my experience and everytime I perform, there’s a small part of me that worries there will be that person in the audience who will shame me. So far, I’ve received nothing but support. But I’m aware that might not always be the case. It’s a risk I’m willing to take if that means I can help break the stigma around abortion.

Those of us who had a TFMR will always carry that small fear of how people will react if they know the truth. The hateful comments to Jesse Ridgway on X confirms why: people will judge.

Getting a serious diagnosis about your baby in utero is awful. Having to make a decision about how to move forward is the hardest decision I’ve made. It was heartbreaking and crushing and one I never wanted to make.

I didn’t make the decision because I didn’t love my daughter enough. On the contrary, it was a decision made out love. I loved her too much to watch her suffer.

I imagine this is why the Ridgways made their decision, too. Why bring a child into the world if you know they’re suffering? It’s a parent’s job to protect their child, even if that means terminating the pregnancy to spare their pain.

And on top of this tragic incident they experienced, rather than receiving support they received judgment.

If you haven’t heard the term TFMR, you’re not alone. I had never heard it, either, until I had one. I thought this was rare.

But once I joined the support groups I learned how many of us there are. One common diagnosis amongst the parents in the support group is Down Syndrome. I had no idea how common it was to terminate for Down Syndrome until I met one birthing person after another who made this decision.

In fact, 74% of pregnancies in the United States diagnosed with Down Syndrome are terminated. Yet when I joined my support group, I wasn’t aware this was so common.

The reason we don’t know about it is not because it doesn’t happen often. It’s that people don’t talk about it. Take a look at what happened to the Ridgways when they shared. This is why we keep our mouths shut.

In his post on X, Jesse states how shocked he was to find out how common terminations are for Down Syndrome.

This was WAY higher than I expected, I thought it would be lower given that I hear so many say they kept or would keep the baby. I believe that’s because most terminations happen privately, it feels shameful. A lot of judgment being cast.

I feel for Jesse and Ashley Ridgway. I went through the same ordeal and it’s so tragic and heartbreaking. It’s hard enough losing a pregnancy. It’s even harder when you’re the one who has to make that decision.

Though, “decision” doesn’t feel like the right word. I didn’t feel like I had much choice in the matter. I couldn’t imagine bringing my daughter into the world knowing what she’d have to endure.

I’m sure Jesse and Ashley felt the same way. They’re hurting and to make matter worse, people turned on them.

They deserve better.

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