The Infinite Policeman — Preliminary Movement

We have discussed the subject of grammatical infinities in some previous articles, and how the sentence Police Police Police Police could be expanded infinitely, because the Police who police the police do in fact police the police, represented in our notation

[Police Police ] = the Police who Police the Police.

Police = the action of Policing.

[Police] = The Police who are policed by the Police Police.

All together represented as [Police Police] Police [Police].

This sentence can be expanded infinitely by adding a Police to each set, one at the beginning of the sentence, and one at the end, thus

[Police Police Police] **police [Police Police].**

Thus the Police who police the Police Police actually do police the Police Police.

It was noted for this set of the infinite police to be grammatically correct each addition to the set would require two Police be added at a time because it would not make any sense to say

[Police Police] police [Police Police], because after all what kind of society would we have if police policed themselves?!

This is of course true, but there is in fact another infinite police sentence that gets added to one at a time. This is the injunctive Infinite Policeman.

Thus if you have a sentence Police Police. It is a command either for the Police to commit the act of policing the public or a command to police the police or merely an observation. Obviously if this message were delivered to a member of the police it would be a command to do their job of policing, but if delivered to a member of the Police police it would just as obviously be a command for the Police Police to police the police, in other words to perform their official duties, if it were delivered to the Police Police Police it would be nonsense as a command, because the Police Police Police do not Police the Police, they only police the Police Police. In such a case we can understand it as merely an observation — that is to say it is saying that the Police actually do Police, which if you were a member of the Police Police Police or the Public you might say “Indeed they do, and a good thing too!”

If you were a member of the Police Police Police and you were to learn that the Police do not Police, then it would cause you to question why ever were the Police Police employed to Police the Police, and if the Police Police should not be employed for what reason were you employed? You can see how a mundane observation of such a nature must always be considered as verified and unshakeable lest society itself be brought under question.

It is due to the fact that it may only be an observation of the requirements that the Police Police that we refer to it as an Injunctive form rather than the more stern Imperative.

In the same way if you have the sentence Police Police Police it would be a command for the Police Police to commit the action of Policing, or an observation that indeed the Police Police do police, as they are employed to, or depending on where one has placed the verb an order to Police the Police Police. If you are a member of the Police Police and you receive the message Police Police Police, you know what to do, the same pertains most surely if you are a member of the Police Police Police. If you are a member of the Police and you receive the message Police Police Police you may consider it a warning to keep to the straight and narrow. And if you are a member of some group not one of these already mentioned you may consider it merely an observation.

It is good that the Police are observed, and that they observe, for in this way an orderly society is kept to function in the way it should, that is to say in the orderly way. Indeed we must always remember that just as the Police Police Police Police, Orders Orders Orders Orders.

All these rules pertain just as well to the higher orders of Police, the Police Police Police Police Police who police the Police Police Police Police can also expect to receive a message and have it mean that they must Police their targets, and just as it pertains to the higher order of [Police]6 whose duty it is to police the [Police]5

You will have to excuse our simplified notation here, but as this is not an official document sent by any of the Police forces we can afford a certain easing of official terminology. Naturally such facile simplifications will not ever be allowed in any communication of any Police force anywhere in our world, no matter what level in the great bureaucracy of existence they officiate over. Every Police will be typed out in 14 point Times New Roman on a page of A4 governmental regulation grade paper.

Thus when people in the higher echelons of the police receive commands that they must do their job it can be difficult and time consuming work for them to determine if indeed it is a statement that they must Police the division of Police below them, or if it is just an observation regarding some other division of Police and who it is that they Police.

But Orders are Orders, and they must be determined if they are indeed Orders or Just Observations.

It is at this point I should note another interesting aspect of the hierarchy of Police. The Police who Police the public are fewer in number than the Public, and the Police who Police the Police fewer still, and it follows with unerrable logic that each higher division of Police has divided off some number of the lower division, leaving a smaller number of Police officers in the actual set of Police under discussion.

Which brings us to Ergot Ergo, an officer of such rarefied distinction that he had under his purview only two officers to police. And they in turn Policed each only three, but there is not much to be determined from this fact because it is also known that those three officers each policed in their turn three officers and that those policed 3 and 4 in alternating sequence. So in matters involving the Police you should always be wary of reading too much into the limited evidence you have available to you.

It was May First on the planet Panoptica, which those who do not police may still in naive terms refer to by its archaic name of Earth, when Ergot Ergo was laying on a large divan in his middle class sky rise apartment spying out over smaller buildings of the vast metropolis in which he, and many other Police officers of high rank, resided.

The bell rang. He walked to the door and looked through the spyhole, nobody, he opened the door, to discover on the floor a Manilla Envelope suitable for delivery of a sizable number of A4 papers.

He picked it up took it to the circular table in the center of the room, and took the papers out, his breath caught. The first page was the word Police repeated all the way down the page. He flipped through the pages, there were 14 pages, the last page had one word — Police. The 13th page was like the first, the word Police repeated across and all the way down the page without any punctuation.

The last word on page 14 was punctuated by a period, which annoyed him, if it had been an exclamation point he might have felt justified in thinking it the imperative, although to do so would in fact run counter to good operative behavior. We do not judge bad behavior in the higher echelons of the Police to which Ergot Ergo belonged, we merely observe.

A detective of lesser acumen might have read the full sentence, but Mr. Ergo had long since developed a quicker way to decipher these departmental messages. Having laid all the papers on the table he determined quickly that each paper excepting the last looked to be laid out in the same way, without any punctuation. He counted the number of times the word Police was printed on the first page — 420. 420 * 13 was 5460, which was the identifier for the upper division of Police Organizations that Ergot Ergo was a member of. The single word Police on the 14th Page meant that there were exactly 5461 uses of the word Police, which meant that it was not possible that it was a grammatical set of Police, but must be in the injunctive form, in short, he concluded. it was an instruction to a member of the *[Police]5460**, namely himself, to do what he was employed to do — Police.

His mustache trembled with alacrity at fulfilling his duties.

This has been the Preliminary Movement of the Infinite Policeman, as written by Illuminati Ganga Agent 6 with some inspiration from Agent 41. Agent 6 is the author of The Vaults of Fug — affiliate link below

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