Reading The Catcher of the Rye as a runaway.

Reading The Catcher of the Rye as a runaway.

I didn’t know about The Catcher in the Rye until my little sister told me she had read it in school and that it reminded her of my story. I decided to pick up the book and read it.

I was feeling lost in many ways. I felt like I was living someone else’s dream. I moved to America when I was ten, and growing up I often felt a sense of alienation. I was too American, yet I wasn’t American enough.

I didn’t want to endure the suffering of living, but I didn’t want to die either. I figured the best solution was to start a new life. My parents wanted me to be happy, but they didn’t know what would make me happy.

I made multiple attempts. My first was biking across a state border and trying to stow away on a plane. Other times, I imagined hitchhiking away from here or hopping on a train and never looking back. Maybe those stories is for another time.

I could feel every emotion Holden felt in the book: the alienation, the tendency to project, the habit of judging people as “phony.” Deep down, I was jealous. I didn’t know how to be phony enough for everyone to like me. Most of all, I recognized the sadness.

I looked for answers in the book, but I came to the conclusion that there weren’t any. Life moves on, and eventually so does your state of mind. Hopefully, I can come out of it alive.