where it all began

My heart was beating almost equally with the sound of a thud coming from a building scene. The evening was a rush as always the cars moving and each of them honking at the other — which is not showing any use except disturbing the neighborhood.

And though I chose this life — I chose to stay away there is still this bugging homesick feeling but I keep it buried because that is the better thing to do — right?

When I reached to my house it was already past 7 and everyone was in their homes — I wonder how that feels. The key tingled in my arms as I try to take it out from my bag but something caught my eyes on the floor. I kneeled down to pick it up but there was no address written just my name in this weird handwriting I was once so familiar with.

I jolted up afraid to pick the letter and all those feelings kept rising up one after other. I stood there for sometime, picked the letter up , entered the house and closed the door in a hurry.

I couldn’t move to the chair to read so I just sat there, at the door ,and struggled to open the letter with shaking arms. Most of the paper was blank still nothing addressing the sender, though my mind fully knew who it was, and a sentence saying “meet me where it all began”.

It was like being kidnapped by a train, a train I wanted not to ride in a long time — the train of memories. Every picture jumped in my brain seeking to be remembered, every little moment at my town, and his smile that once upon a time brought me peace.

Every voice I thought I forgot came hymning in my brain. Then everything went back to the day of the accident, the day I lost my friend, the day I lost myself , the day it was all sunshine and summer to everyone but us- the people who lost alicia.

Time went leaving my Ali in the past but I couldn,t move from that time frame she was in and no one understood they kept on saying life goes on , you need to move on, that’s what she would want but I knew her better and she would not. She never liked it when I spent more time with any one other than her.

So I left — I left the home I grew, the town where I lived , because every corner was a reminder and I left Lucas — oh dear Lucas.

He was my boyfriend of 2 years. We did every thing together and had every future planned but my friend was in them too. And I couldn’t see his face without thinking about her, without thinking about the day of the accident because if I was not with him that day, if I was there with her maybe just maybe she would have been here or maybe I would have been with her wherever she is at now.

It felt like a betrayal sitting down laughing about silly things. Talking about the future without her — which I always do with Lucas.

We stopped talking before 3 month and 14 days I don’t know why I keep counting the days evenhough I kept repeating to myself to forget.

I chose to leave he tried to make me change my mind but I didn’t so he helped me move supported me through all the struggle until the last day when we said goodbyes and I TEXTED him my decision that I can’t take it anymore and the thing between us is over. He tried but I thought that was the right thing to do — but lord didn’t that hurt.

But today I got a letter with a hand writing I know by heart, he had this weird way of writing e , I always laughed about. I kept on touching the E as if it was a magic lamp and give me 3 wishes. Lucas sent me a letter and I couldn’t bring myself to admit that.

I was stuck between the moments. between the past, the present and what the future could be. My brain kept screaming for me to move to do something but what now? I kept staring at the letter as if it had all the answers.

And maybe it does .

hey y’all been long but day 8!!! enjoy