when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive.

self-reflection piece

Photo by Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash

It’s my favourite lyric in one of my favourite songs, I 100% recommend listening to Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls.

It reminds me of movies like titanic, and this life we live.

Heard of that line, ‘it’s too good to be true’? It’s actually sort of sad that that’s the kind of world we live in but it’s true.

When things are going too good, something just falls apart and everything feels like it’s ruined. Or sometimes we pretend things are going too good and it will therefore end to soften the impact of disappointment we feel after it falls apart. We end up becoming the reason of our own downfall. We ruin the moment of ‘things are going good’ by adding a ‘too’ before the ‘good’.

But what defines ‘too good’? Is there a line that one crosses for things to be ‘too good’? Is it that one becomes jealous of their own happiness?

It sounds absurd, but I can’t find another reason.

I am jealous of my own happiness. I’m scared that I won’t find that happiness ever again, and I’ll have to live vicariously through this moment, that is going to become of my fondest memories, that I forgot to live in it at all. I’m jealous of the version of me that lived in those memories.

Because honestly, I don’t think there’s a feeling worse that nostalgia. It creates this kind of pit in my stomach because I know I’ll never be able to be there at that moment ever again no matter how much science evolves. There are quite a few moments in our lives if we’re lucky that does feel like the movies. Dancing in the rain, a dramatic love confession, sitting on a plane seat watching a city from above. It’s like you’re wearing a pretty outfit and you feel really good about yourself, and later on when that feeling fades, you start feeling so weird about yourself.

There’s a fine line in being alive and feeling alive. Feeling alive doesn’t have to mean feeling happy, it means being in touch with your emotions. And so I believe doing what makes you alive is an integral part of being human which I hope we never lose.

Life isn’t supposed to be like the movies. It’s not supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows.

It’s to be alive and to feel everything deeply.

Maybe the tiny movie-like moments are supposed to be tiny. To show us what it truly meant to be alive, and then drag us back to the reality.

Thank you for reading!! I hope you could truly feel this article because that was my aim. 💌

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