Depression and How I Overcame It

How I Survived Depression as a Bipolar Patient

A photograph taken by the author in Tallinn.

There was a time when even brushing my teeth felt like the hardest task of the day. Getting out of bed required more energy than I thought I had. In this post, I want to talk about my depression period as a bipolar patient and how I recovered.

It was near the end of high school when the symptoms started. The symptoms were mild at first, so I did not think about going to a doctor. Over about two years, it gradually got worse and worse. I believe many things that happened to me triggered the progression of my depression. I mentioned some of them in my previous post called “Dropping CS for Music School.”

During my undergraduate studies, my illness got worse. It started with a feeling of fatigue. My body slowly started to feel heavier even though I was losing weight. I felt like my body was decaying when I tried to walk to the store to get some food. Even the air felt heavy. Every breath I took felt solid.

Everyday tasks became so difficult that I did not even want to get out of bed. How was it possible that brushing my teeth became the hardest thing? I lost my motivation to do anything. Whatever I usually liked to do became meaningless. I was completely done with everything.

Days turned into weeks. At that point, I noticed that something was wrong with me. That was when I decided to see a doctor. I was kind of lucky that my school had a psychological counseling center where you could see doctors online.

They quickly diagnosed me as a depression patient and started medication. I was very happy about that because I believed they had found what was wrong with me. I was full of hope.

It did not last long. After several weeks, nothing changed. I was still under the effect of depression. My doctor decided to change my medications. We repeated that process several times. Eventually, they changed my diagnosis from depression to major depression.

Those times were tough. Psychological medications are not like other kinds of medicine. They affect your perceptions and behaviors. I felt completely isolated from the outside world. Sometimes I felt lost.

My doctor and I changed many medications to find which one would work for me. Sometimes I felt hopeless, but every time we tried a new medication, I became hopeful again. I would like to say that I always relied on modern medicine.

After a while, I took a break from school and started living with my grandmother. It was a period when I was struggling to take care of myself, and I also changed my doctor. For a while, I simply watched time pass without doing anything. I received my bipolar diagnosis during that time.

I decided to go back to school when I realized that nothing would change unless I took action. Even my mentor did not support that decision. They were waiting for me to get well first, but I had already lost hope.

Two more years passed in a cycle of trying different medications. During that time, I also changed schools, as I explained in my previous posts. I had isolated myself from people for a while. My breakdown and isolation led me to make radical decisions.

I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to do, but I had decided to leave my field of study. Sometimes you need to know when to stop. I felt less nervous after this decision. I focused more on art and music. I started playing my guitar more often.

This was also the period when my doctor came up with another medication change. A few weeks later, I started to feel better gradually. I began to gain weight and feel more physically healthy.

A few weeks later, something slowly started to change. I noticed that waking up was a little easier. Walking outside didn’t feel as exhausting as before. These were small things, but for me they were huge.

After a while, I could hardly believe that I was no longer feeling depressed. The sun shined on me again. I gained my energy back. During the summer break, I could go to concerts, museums, and see new places.

It felt like a completely different version of me. My perspective on the world had changed. I was much more optimistic now. Whatever I ate started to taste better.

On the other hand, I can say that my cognitive functions have slowed down a bit. It’s a bad side effect, but it is still better than depression. My dreams had returned. Now I am here with the idea of pursuing a career in music.

Finding the right doctor, getting the right diagnosis, and finding the right medication can take a long time, but that day can come when you least expect it. Also, changing my expectations and goals in life made me feel much better. I truly feel much healthier now.

In this post, I shared my own experiences with depression and how I survived it. I hope this helps people who may feel something similar to what I experienced. Do not forget that everyone’s mental health journey is different. In the next posts, I will continue sharing my journey. See you in the next post.

We are finally on social media.. Come say hi…

Subscribe and follow our official social handles on **Instagram | X | Facebook**.

Feel free to mention / tag us on these social platforms whenever you want to promote or collaborate on your content. We love watching you grow with this community.

This story published on “**Pen With Paper” — a fresh space where writers bring their thoughts, stories, and ideas to life. Want to share your voice? Join our community, and together, “We Elevate Your Stories”**

[embed]Welcome to ‘Pen With Paper’ — A Publication A Newborn Publication to Elevate Your Storiesmedium.com