I passed my comprehensive exam!

Photo by Atli Stefán Yngvason on Unsplash

I have passed one of the most critical exams one can take in one’s lifetime — my doctoral comprehensive exam. Preparing for it and writing it were extremely challenging, not only for the most apparent reason that a PhD comprehensive exam was supposed to be difficult, but more for a multitude of other reasons. Surely, this wasn’t the most challenging journey or time in my life, but it was also very intense.

I took my comprehensive exam during the deep cold of winter — the days were not only extremely short but also rainy and gloomy, which is not very common in wintertime otherwise. Being not only a sunflower but also severely vitamin D deficient, getting enough sunlight is mandatory for me. But there was hardly any day that was sunny or sunny enough. Those who suffer from vitamin D deficiency or have knowledge about it know how not getting enough sunlight (no sunlight was the situation on most days this past winter) can deteriorate our mental and physical health drastically.

As a feminist and anti-colonial scholar-activist and practitioner, it was tremendously challenging to focus on my work, considering the rise, resurgence, and unmasking of various opposition forces (we all know what they are). I was in the middle of so much different chaos happening where I am and back in my country of origin, all of which was unsettling and anxiety-causing (those who were following the news and staying updated will understand what I am talking about). I was trying my best to find a space to ground myself. When a few major wars were underway around the world, and thousands of people were dying every day, as a social scientist in training, as a compassionate human being, and as a human rights advocate, I had to constantly talk to myself so that I could remain calm and composed. I had to continually remind myself why I do what I do and the significance of my work (which is more critical now than ever before).

On top of all these, my house surprisingly got flooded, and I had to evacuate so that the city could take care of drying the house (which was a super intense, time-consuming, and toxic chemical involved process). So, precisely during my comprehensive exams, I also had to pack to move and unpack after moving to a new place, and then pack again to return to my house and unpack here again — all by myself. It took me a while to adjust and settle into the new place, especially in developing the sharp focus required for that type of intense work, which meant I lost valuable time when every minute was crucial. After all that, after returning home, my fibromyalgia flared up from all that packing, unpacking, and moving, and I got bedridden at a time when I was chasing the clock.

At the end, I submitted my exam on time and passed my comps!