Modernity and the Identity Buffet

Words from a Part-Time Recluse

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Just the other day, someone casually referred to me as a recluse. After I was taken aback, I reasoned in my head that this label contained much truth.

As a neurodivergent HSP, there is only so much uninteresting banter that I can take. More than that, being near any social scene requires one to be “on” for extended periods — and this makes me incredibly tired.

It is true. I enjoy the solitude to think, which is a requirement to write, after all. It is pleasurable when the noise is turned down or off, and I can sit with my dog in peace.

It is just that I never attached that word recluse to my identity. Really, I think it is a poor choice of words. But, I decided that it does not matter. No one’s opinion toward me will change because of this incident.

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I think modernity is to credit or blame. The lifestyle of the mainstream these days, and in many days and years prior, gives us unlimited choices as to what we can become. No person remembers who anyone else is on any given day, especially not themselves.

The term recluse will not stick to me if I do not want it to. Besides, I really do require some social contact and on some days might appear as the life of the party.

I am trying to discuss unlimited options as a side-effect of our technology, but especially the Internet. Many have already written on this topic to some degree, including Barry Schwartz with his The Paradox of Choice. His analysis is close to what I am talking about but not identical.

Schwartz was talking about options of buying stuff, but I refer to something deeper and more important.

As usual, I consult with my mental health teachings to try to figure out the world. Professionals in the mental health field tell us to be secure in our identities but also remind that we can be anything that we want. It is healthy to discard old roles that one was forced into or acted out because of fear.

As someone once said, do not let your past trauma define your present. These are good recommendations. However, you probably sense a contradiction here.

“Masking” is not a good thing and is what we call altering our personas to meet whatever situation. We do not want to be caught with too many masks in our closet. Masking is not exactly the same as shifting identities but is very close.

There must be some depth to who we are. There must be something heavy that anchors us to a sensibility that can withstand the changing seasons.

The Internet trains us to be this way. The almighty algorithm likes to file us under some category. More than that, the sheer volume of information available allows someone to learn about Buddhism, or Taoism, or whatever, in a few minutes or hours. It is not surprising for someone to try one set of values for a week or so and then switch to something else.

We have large numbers of folks who want to be known as modern Stoics. The Internet and self-help literature are full of them. Stoicism has many positive attributes, but so does many other ancient philosophies. I do not doubt that many are sincere, but I infer that many are not.

At least, we do not have to be classed as a Stoic for very long. It is simply a matter of choice, and that choice exists at any moment we want to utilize it. In the past, people studied Stoicism, Epicureanism, and many other systems for their entire lives. Engaging in the work to become one thing instead of another was taken more seriously.

In more recent history, we can see that things were different only a few generations back. Before modern technology, people largely grew up around extended family, adopted their ways, lived under strict community rules, and adhered to one identity forever. This is an overstatement yet mostly true.

So, a person’s identity was once given to him or her and there was not that much debate about it — compared to today.

Surely, I do not want to turn back the clock completely. But as usual, we human beings take something too far. We are non-committal part-time believers. Nothing feels that important.

I believe we search for something when we sense that it has gone. Do many find spirituality in strange places, now? I believe the answer is yes. We want to believe in belief itself.

People go to great lengths to find the missing something, and this often leads to poor mental health.

Mental health professionals talk about “ego continuity” as something we need to remain stable individuals. The idea does not suggest that a person is exactly the same at all points on a timeline, but there must be a persistent set of likeminded connectors that link a person’s past, present, and future. One must not change himself as often as he does his clothes.

Everyone agrees that depersonalization is a bad thing. As for me, there must not be a question mark in my soul where my character is supposed to dwell. This simply cannot happen.

When modernity tells us we must constantly curate, optimize, and pivot who we are, it allows for a state of chronic existential exhaustion. We are no longer just living our lives and are managing a brand.

I think part of the reason my life became so reclusive is that I am opting out of the endless parade of identities. There is more than that, but this remains a crucial reason for my aloneness.

Basically, I get overloaded quite quickly with too much information. I try to process all of it all the time, and this can leave me forlorn.

I hope the identity of a writer follows me wherever I go, should that be in silence by myself or out among the crowds. After all, it is mostly okay for writers to be considered recluses. There is much we contend with in trying to put down meaningful words on “paper.”

Though, I say this with hesitation.

I still doubt and wonder if I am good enough to be part of the official club. But in my better moments, I affirm who I am and proudly proclaim myself as a writer. I can do so from the quiet room, in my recliner, with my dog by my side. At least, this is an identity I have chosen that I do not plan to leave behind.

Thanks for reading.