i crave for love one couldn’t give

i always in a search for love. in anyone. in anything. in every little events of everyday life. and i always find it in every one of them. but why couldn’t he give me the love that i crave? the love that i need the most?

it was all beautiful. we had so many things to talk about. perhaps, too many. but do you feel it too? that the lights faded by the time goes by?

and oh! i started questioning myself. did i ask for too much? am i too demanding? am i not-worth the worry anymore? am i less beautiful? am i not as fun as the girls you befriend with? did you just realized that i’m not the girl you’re looking for? or is it just me pretending to be fine with all the mistreatments you gave?

the less affection you gave, the more i crave the love, the pseudo kind of love i wish from you. do i really have to ask for it? is this some kind of punishment for me being the non-talkative one here? just like you said, that you hate me being so introverted.

at first, i thought to myself, “oh, i know that he’s not the type of person who shows his love by his actions,” well, maybe he is? maybe he isn’t? how would i know? he always makes my mind wandering around about what he actually feels. making me have to guess of what is going on in his mind.

but girl, of course actions speak louder than words. i have no excuse anymore to normalize all those things. many times i let those things slip away and held on to the pain for long. and now i know damn too well that i craved the love he couldn’t give.

and now i give up.