Won’t mind if no one read this ..

There’s something i’d like to put out here and the main reason is that no one really reads it, so its the perfect place to get my load off.

I was never really good at any sports, the reason that I like to think is that I never actually played any sports growing up, we had a pretty different childhood, and never really did the stuff that normal children do like going out and making friends playing street sports, you get it.

So the only sports time I ever had was in school, we had one single period of 45 minutes if I remember correctly of “PT” where we used to play mostly cricket and occasionally football, and by we I mean the other classmates.

The sad part about the last 6 words is that I was among the few who never actually got to play real-time, when it was the time for team selection, I was one of the few last ones to get picked cause you guessed it right, we weren’t good at all.

I remember when it came to bowling I didn’t ever do it cause you know there are limited overs to be bowled and the best of the best should ball logically, and when it came to batting, lol yeah you guessed it right, we were the last ones to get the chance if there ever was a chance cause again we weren’t good and tbh I get it, kids there who used to have friends outside school and were regularly playing sports didn’t want to lose the games and the competitiveness at that age cant tolerate the liability, which again we get it.

Football was the most brutal on the heart, running I could do but ball handling was another issue cause I’ve never played outside those 45 minutes in school so that was all. I used to think playing football would be nice cause you know at least you’ll be involved in the game, but boy was I wrong about that, they don’t even pass the ball to you cause they’ve already figured you’ll lose it cause you’ve lost a couple of times. Man, I’m telling you, it is such a humiliating feeling and I remember those moments were the most downer moments of my entire school life.

Now the school is over and you’re a grownup, but with athleticism, it is quite common that if it didn’t happen then you won’t get it now, you might do some good but not that level of athleticism that makes you comfortable playing every sport without thinking what if I held the team back.

Comes college and I used to wake up early and go to the ground to practice running and dribbling for the sole purpose of not looking like crap but when the time came, my confidence took me down, the constant feeling of what if what if held me back from playing confidently. But naah I didn’t give up then and there, I looked for some other sports, the one where everyone was new, I picked basketball and squash, basketball was okay, I was kinda alright and squash was alright too after a few months of playing alone, but I still fumbled and when was that? Yeah when the real competitions came, the constant overthinking of what if I failed the team took over, but I have to mention here the basketball bros were really nice, they never made me feel like crap and we eventually did win a few competitions, I was getting subbed on and off but I never felt left out, and that also might be the reason that I wasn’t that bad at the sport.

At this point, you’d be thinking Bro just give up already, and that’d be valid but tbh in the early days I so wanted to be good at sports cause like bruh obviously and in later days and even now I like the idea of being active, I used to run and cycle regularly until last year, I used to play tennis alone by hitting the ball on the wall and bro I can tell you that was the therapy, you just go into some zone where you’re hitting the ball on the wall and the muscle memory has taken over and your movement is in a rhythm while your mind and heart are roaming in some other place. It was really beautiful ngl I enjoyed doing that.

You might be wondering why there is a down trip now. So I went to play futsal last night with a bunch of boys and yeah grade 8th happened again, I missed a few balls and then I started receiving fewer passes and once the match was over, the team shuffle happened and I could see it clearly on the faces of the boys that they really didn’t want a liability but eventually the game started and it was so humiliating, I received literally less than 10 passes.

At that moment it all came back, all those memories of school and college and how embarrassing it was to be such a bad sports player, it made me sad ngl.

It got me thinking: At this age, almost 29, why do I even care? I’m yet to figure that out. Why do I even care? About many other things, too?

I gotta go, the rambling is hurting my back now lol.