The terminal never sleeps, but it sure knows how to make you feel tired.

11 Secret Airline Perks You’ve Already Paid For (But Never Ask For)

How to navigate the airport when the years start catching up to you

Photo by Philip Myrtorp on Unsplash

The airport is a cold machine. It smells like burnt jet fuel and stale coffee. If you are past sixty, it treats you like yesterday’s news. The big airlines have things that can help, little bits of comfort bought with your ticket, but they don’t hand them out like free matchbooks. You have to ask. You have to use the right words. I learned that the hard way, watching an old man stare at a steep ramp like it was a mountain.

Sometimes you just want someone to walk with you. You can get a gate pass for a family member. Skip the machine that spits out paper. Go to the desk. Tell the clerk you need an escort pass for your daughter to walk you to the gate. They will give her one if she has her ID. It keeps the loneliness away for another twenty minutes.

If your bag is heavy and the overhead bins are packed, wait for the announcement. They will check it to your destination for free. Just pull out your heart pills first. Walk up to the desk when they ask for volunteers. It saves twenty bucks and a lot of sweat. And if your stomach can’t handle the salt, order a special meal a day before you leave. Do it on the computer. They won’t have a diet tray waiting for you if you ask at thirty thousand feet.

The law is on your side, even if the agents look like they want to be somewhere else. If your knees are stiff, you have a right to pre-boarding time. You don’t need a note from a doctor. Just tell the agent at the gate you need a little extra time to board. They let your companion come along too. If the walk is too long, you can get a wheelchair from the curb right to your seat. Call them two days before. Then remind them when you land. It hurts the pride a little, but it saves the heart.

The money guys hide the good stuff. Some lines still have a senior fare. They don’t put it on the front page of the website. You have to look at the little menu where it asks your age, or call them up. Ask them if there is a special fare for your route that isn’t showing online. Maybe you save enough for a decent dinner. Or maybe your plastic card gets you into that quiet room with the soft chairs. Check your benefits before you leave the house. If you don’t have the card, you can buy a day pass. It beats sitting on plastic seats next to a screaming kid.

Once the big metal door clicks shut, the rules change. The crew owns the cabin. If there is an empty row, wait until everyone is seated. Ask the stewardess nicely if you can move for your back. If she’s having a good day, she will let you. If the plane breaks down and it is the airline’s fault, don’t just sit there. Tell them it is a controllable delay and you want a meal voucher and a room. The government says they owe you.

If you can’t bend your arm or your leg needs the aisle, they have to fix it. Call the desk two days early. Tell them you need an aisle seat for accessibility. If the gate agent gives you a hard time, don’t shout. Shouting gets you nowhere in a blue uniform. Ask for the Complaint Resolution Official. Every airport has one. They have the power to fix it.

You fly enough, you realize nobody is looking out for you but you. The sky is big, the world is moving fast, and the rules are written in small print. You just have to know how to read them.

Jerry Nelson spent twenty years looking into dark corners before he started writing about them. He lives in a condo that smells like old paper and rain.

If you want more stories from the dark side of the road, follow me on Medium.com.

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