life Middle of The Night, I Woke Up and Questioned Myself.

Dear me, Mehreen, I am tried of asking that why you want ton be perfect, why you want to know each and every subject, and why you want to be multitalented and skillful?

But still I cannot get the answer of my own question and I don’t know why. I am myself confuse that what pattern, my life is going. Is luck writing my story or me or my family. I make a timetable for me every day but I cannot follow it because I trap just in some question.

Can you? Why you do these if you will die one day, if you want achieve everything in your 20s and you are age is growing, you still didn’t do something great, so then nothing is forever, then leave it.

You are not allowed to life a life like you want, so then why these all sacrifices.

Just these words break a timetable of a dreamer, who is me.

Am I depressed or learning about life?

Am I happy or sad?

Am I hating myself or loving myself?

Am I discovering my life through these questions or wasting my life? Books are in front of me but I cannot pay attention on them.

I have pen in my hand and I am holding it, but should I write or rest? But these question do not let me to sleep.

People easily think that I am crazy, seriously I am not crazy but I want my answer but who is there to answer me.

I asked Allah but he is quit.

Am I choosing my goals, dreams, or my family is doing it, are they

choosing my each and everything even I don’t like but is it a care for me.

What essence, I have if no one let me to do what I want, why sometime society don’t let me to be myself.

I don’t know who I am , why I am living, why am I finding joy.

Why I hurt myself, why am I born with fear, why am I fearful from the people around me.

I am mentally a blind girl,

I am stuck everywhere.

Why am I Mehreen,

Why am I a Muslim,

Why am I a Baloch,

Why am I living this life at here.

Why I want perfectly everything.

Why I want success.

What is the meaning of my life.

Why even am I human.

Dear Reader, am I a failure or just facing challenges of my teen-age.